Our Brother Kirk

Story about Kirk

2009-03-10T10:05:00.000-04:00

I totally forgot to send this story out to the email list...a couple of you have already heard it.

So, the week after the funeral I was hanging out with the Lawrences. Debbie answered the door in Kirk's robe. She was clearly still pretty upset, but she's getting by. Deb, Tim and I sat and talked for a long time about everything. Including how Kirk got to Louisville.

After Kirk passed in the hospice, he stayed in the room with us for a little while. But after that he gets moved to a local funeral home to be embalmed. The funeral home contacts Delta and reserves a casket slot on a plane capable of shipping organs/bodies. (I presume with temperature controlled luggage compartment? No idea.) Then, when the plane arrives in Louisville, the funeral home there is waiting to receive him and gussy him up for the viewing.

Or rather that's how it's supposed to happen...

Somehow someone wrote down that Kirk was to be shipped on that Tuesday. Not that his funeral was Tuesday and worse his viewing was Monday night. The Lawrences are already in Louisville when they find this out. Tim's ready to turn right around to go back and load Kirk in the back of the explorer. They get on the phone with the Atlanta funeral home, who still has him, and straighten everything out. However, there are no more available casket flights to Lousiville until after Tuesday.

I can only assume that a select few people have received The Thunder from Deb as they must have on the phone that day. Suffice it to say the funeral home called everyone they could call and did anything they could do to get Kirk to Kentucky. The solution they came up with was they could ship him to Lexington on Monday, and coordinated with a Lexington funeral home to receive him and drive him to Louisville. He got there in time, looked My-T Sharp, and no one was the wiser.

However the moral of the story, as Paul and I were quick to notice, is that even in his final hour...Kirk had to bum a ride off somebody. ; )

Hope you guys are doing well. No word on these babies yet, but party plans are coming together. I have a list of 'assignments' for you guys which I'll distribute when the time comes.

Oh! And our Tallahassee Roller Girls gave a tribute to Kirk recently at their first home bout. Congrats to them on their win. Pictures/video to come.

-John

Relay for Life Tallahassee

2009-03-06T13:58:00.000-05:00

Team Sho'nuff it is: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff. We'll be participating in the FSU Relay for Life, Friday, April 3, starting at 3:00pm, and walking through to April 4, 9:00am. The event will be held on campus at Mike Long Track.

To join the team: www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, click "Sign Up," then "Join a Team," and search for "Team Sho'nuff," and enter all the requested information. If you can't join the team but would like to donate, http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff.

If you are out of town and cannot make this event and want to walk, please visit www.relayforlife.org to participate in a local event.

Our goal will be to raise $1000. Once we have raised $250, we'll be able to choose a campsite for our team. We have a tent that fits two full-sized mattresses, so we can take naps during the relay.

I will work to make sure that we have coverage for the entire 18 hours -- we must have a team member on the track at all times. If we have 15 members who walk 30 minutes at a time, that's 2-3 shifts per person. More than enough walking for everyone that wants a piece.

As far as uniforms, we get event shirts when we register as part of the team. There are two special shirts available for Caregivers and Survivors, which can be requested during sign-up. We can decorate the shirts however we want (Diana: bedazzle 'til your heart's content). I've been telling everyone to wear camo shorts -- we're talking about Team Kirk here! I do love the idea of dressing as zombies... Kirk would have loved to see us all walking around the track all slow-like and bloodthirsty.

Also, from www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, luminaria can be purchased in Kirk's honor, in memory of loved ones we've lost, and in honor of our loved ones who've survived cancer. If you purchase a luminary, you can have a note written on it. These luminaria will be placed around the track and will light our way throughout the night.

I'll be attending a Captains Meeting on March 18. I'll pass along any additional information I find out then.

~Leslee

Kirk Memorial (Joe edition)

2009-02-21T11:14:00.002-05:00

Part 1: Intro
When I lived in Landis my freshman year at FSU, Kirk was just a couple doors down and across the hall. We didn't get to know each other immediately; I tend to be introverted and nervous about meeting new people. Our first conversation was after this 3-East group activity where everyone wrote their favorite quote on some butcher paper hanging up near the bathrooms. I don't remember what my quote was (something by Tom Waits probably), but when I was done I turned around and Kirk was kind of peering at the board over the crowd, nodding at my choice. In retrospect, that was probably the perfect way for him to scope out unfamiliar people.

Landis has these great wide hallways that were conducive to social activity. I shared a room with a high school friend, Jonathan, and straight across the hall were Paul and Beavis, who were both from Pace. The unwritten rule was "leave your door open if you want to hang out," and Kirk would often be roaming the floor — if only to get away from his obnoxious, flatulent roommate whose name to this day I know only as "Poot."

I started joining in on some of the stuff Kirk, Paul and Beavis were doing: watching movies on the fifth floor, going down to the student union for shows, making midnight Walmart runs, etc. It became obvious that Kirk had this amazingly voluminous knowledge of film, and his enthusiasm was infectious. He reminded me of stuff I hadn't seen in years, reaffirmed my love for geeky classics, and introduced me to terrific indie and foreign fare. Around this time I started my DVD collection, and we'd go out and buy stuff to enjoy in widescreen: Dead Alive, Six-String Samurai, lots of Criterion titles. Kirk introduced me to the practice of making up lyrics for movie scores (e.g. Jurassic Park, RoboCop, plenty of others) and passed along such wonderful tidbits of movie knowledge, like which three 80s movies used "Send Me An Angel" in a montage. (Answer: RAD, The Wizard, and Teenwolf Too.)

When I started at FSU I had no idea what I was going to do after school. Within a year I knew: I wanna make movies with this guy.

Part 2: Film Aspirations
We both applied to the FSU film school, along with Morgan. The three of us logged some time volunteering on "filmmaker in residence" Andy Ruben's shitty vampire movie shoot, hoping he would remember us when selecting from the applicants. Morgan got accepted; Kirk and I did not.

So we kept plugging away at our respective majors, both of which were lame enough to allow for plenty of elective credits, and for a while it seemed like most of our classes were together: Japanese, Japanese calligraphy, (Hanging With) Dr. Cooper's film class, viola da gamba lessons. Afterwards we'd either walk back to Gilchrist or to my place at The Atrium to play videogames and watch TV. ("You kill-a da monkey, why did you kill-a da monkey?") Good times.

(Oh. One time, we were walking home from viola da gamba practice, and I told him that Boo and I had started dating. He said something like, "Hmm, yes, I approve," and made a little stamping motion with his hands. The rest is history.)

Even though I didn't get a degree in film, I always kind of figured that we would make it happen anyway. That somewhere down the line, if we kept writing and collecting equipment, we would eventually have the means to make the movies we always talked about, and all of us would get together and just do it. Now I'm at a point where that's almost feasible, but for what?

Part 3: In Absentia
When I was living in Japan, I still talked to Kirk via instant message whenever I had Internet access in the school's computer lab. We talked a lot about the movies that were coming out at the time. (I defended the Matrix sequels for a while, but after many in-depth conversations, I finally conceded.) Then I came back to Pensacola, got a job, and got murried. Every time I heard about a local job opening in video production (or anything really) I would try to convince him to move over here. But to no avail!

I didn't see Kirk too much after the Attack of the Cancer and our initial visit to the hospital. Like, we talked a ton via instant message, but there weren't many in-person visits. (For this reason, my Matrix residual mental image of him still has a full head of mini-dreads.) Also, I guess I dropped off the whole LiveJournal/MySpace/whatever scene, so I didn't keep up with his goings-on as well as I ought've.

Even though there was a lot going on in my own life at the time (kids, work, house, etc.) this will probably be a source of guilt for some time to come, Schindler-style. "I could have done more! I could have hung out more!" It is some consolation that he had plenty of friends and loved ones wherever he went. I just hope he realized how very much he meant to us all.

Part 4: Remembrance
Kirk was the best! Around! And nothing ever seemed to keep him down. The man had the good humor of a hundred ice cream men and the vitality of a hundred ninjas. Maybe that's why I never really suspected that the cancer might actually win, even though Kirk was beating the odds every single day.

We can just go ahead and retire the phrase, "it couldn't have happened to a nicer person," because it already did. The fact that the universe took Kirk over any of the rest of us chumps makes me want to punch it right in its stupid infinite face. It's not right; it's not fair! In the annals of ontology, in the volume about "why bad things happen to good people," there's bound to be a whole chapter on our boy Kirk.

Assorted things I miss, remember, and hope never to forget, about Kirk:

The "Jooooey!" squeal.
Zombie neck bite greetings, and awkwardly long goodbye hugs.
Various & sundry gesticulations, and their accompanying sound effects.
His poetry. (Coffee table book. Let's make it happen!)
His writing style. Specifically, capitalization-as-emphasis.
Spring Break 2001, Pensacola edition: When he found that out-of-print 400 Blows Criterion edition for cheap in the used CD store.
Spring Break 2002, Atlanta edition: "Who? Who let 'em out?"
How he feared the hungry hungry hobos on Pensacola Street would eat him if he walked from The Atrium to Tuscany Village.
The fact that, within a week of introducing my friends to Kirk, they would like him more than me. Kinda frustrating for me personally, but come on.

If I had a time machine, I would gladly go back and change things for Kirk -- paradoxes be damned. If I had some of Herbert West's re-agent, I would totally use it on Kirk -- even though I know better.

Kirk, remember: never say never at heaven's elevator door.

The rest of us, remember: be excellent to each other.

I raise a milkshake and a hearty bowl of sugary cereal to you, brother. Peace out. Peace out forever.

— Joe "Joey" ("Joe Joe") "Shabadoo" Vinson

Kirk Update - Louisville Funeral Recap

2009-02-19T11:59:00.000-05:00

Friends,

I thought those of you who could not attend might appreciate my thoughts on Kirk's funeral services.

Right off, let me admit that during these past two weeks there has been some speculation as to how Kirk requested his body to be retired. The consensus was that Kirk wanted to be cremated (and even more specifically, loaded into fireworks). That sounds about right for our boy. However, Tim and Deborah chose to bury him. A family member most graciously donated a plot for Kirk in his family's home town of Louisville and they decided that it was best. In regard to cremation, the only sensible conclusion, in my mind, is that Kirk would obviously want anything that might help his parents during this impossibly difficult time.

Sunday evening Joe, Devon, Pura, Pura's mom Liz, and Andrew came to stay with Kristina and me in the new Roswell condo. We condensed vehicles and left for Louisville the next morning. The drive across two states wasn't too bad. As long as you lock your doors in Tennessee and don't get attacked by mountain people. Seriously, they're weird.

We arrived at the Louisville Downtown Hotel which USED to be a Holiday Inn (they need to update the internet listing). My mom, who had flown up that morning, and Bryan's mother, Rose, who had driven up VERY early that morning, were waiting to greet us in the lobby. I had booked 6 rooms which turned out to be just enough for everyone staying there: Me, Kristina, Andrew, Zach, Joe, Nick, Pura, Liz, Devon, Lori, Amanda, Dan, Leslie and Dan's mom Carol. Beavis and Illy booked their own room in the hotel. So did my mother and Rose. Then Michelle, Zach and Wade had a room at a different hotel. All 21 of us unloaded our luggage in our rooms and got ready for the viewing. For most that meant drinking a beer.

The funeral home was an older building, though very nice inside. Everything in Louisville looks like it's been there for at least a couple decades. It was also right next to a KFC, which for reasons I'm embarrassed to admit, I thought was hilarious. I think Kirk would too.

We walked down the hall past a dozen or so family members to the door. There's a black lettered sign that says "Kirk Duwayne "Duke" Lawrence". You might have missed the little table with the sign-in on account of past it is a GIANT room absolutely filled with friends and family. There must have been 300+ people in the room. Most of them sitting in pews, though the rest were standing anywhere they could fill in any gaps. All of them talking and laughing and crying with one another. We walked in and got in line between the front rows of pews so we could make our way up to the front of the room to see Deb, Tim, Nikki, Tiffany, Roff and of course, Kirk.

The family was in good spirits with the exception of Miss Debby. Though I should mention she was doing so much better than ANYONE expected her to. She cried harder when she saw me. I know she sees her son when she looks at me. Especially if I stand a certain way, or walk a certain way, which she's quick to point out. But we hugged and I told her that once we get home, she'll be a stronger person and NOTHING will ever be as hard as those two days. She agreed and did our little fist pump dance she and I do to center and calm ourselves. I love that woman.

The viewing is open casket (I guess that's why they call it a viewing) which was a little weird. Even for me and I had already seen him the previous Thursday morning. Kirk wore a VERY nice creme colored suit. It was striped but in like the exact same color, just different materials? Like one was more shiny. Anyway, very nice. I thought we might get out of there without someone saying so, but both of Kirk's sisters commented on how "natural" he looked. It was a little weird to understand all the processes Kirk's body had undergone and to see him look the same as he did 5 days prior. I started talking to Kirk, but corrected myself and told him "Why am I talking to your body? I'm not sure what I believe, but I know I don't think you're still in there."

Kirk was SURROUNDED by flowers. Stacked so deep I could hardly read the cards of some of the larger arrangements. Including ours, but I certainly recognized it from the picture. Thanks, Jon!

Also next to Kirk, and the most emotionally crippling metaphor made in the two days, is a life-size cutout of Sylvester Stalone's Rocky. An irregular choice for a funeral to be certain, however, not in Kirk's case. For those that don't remember, Rocky was given an opportunity to face the heavyweight champion of the world, Apollo Creed. Rocky shocked Apollo and the world when he refused to go down even while taking blow after blow through all 15 rounds of the fight and even nearly defeating Apollo. Something no fighter had ever done before against the champion. Apollo won the fight in a split decision by the judges, however Rocky won the respect and admiration of the world, and most importantly himself, by proving his strength against such impossible odds. Explaining the story to people that night got me choked up every time.

I completely lost track of time while we were there. An hour and a half went by like minutes while I made my way through the room meeting and hugging all kinds of Lawrences and Ramseys. I had a smile on my face the whole time. I LOVE other people's family events. Generation stuff is the best. Especially when they'll tell you stories about Kirk and Tiffany that you wouldn't otherwise ever find out about.

The event ended with a prayer given by Deborah's brother, Kirk, for whom our friend was named. I met him 4.5 years ago when the first tumor came. Deb told me then that the reason she named Kirk after her brother was because of all the bad stuff he was into. She thought she might need a second Kirk because the first one wasn't going to be around very long. At the time she also rolled her eyes when she told me he was becoming a preacher. I told her it takes a sinner to know how to preach to one. 4 years later, he was giving very beautiful prayers and sermons to us his nephew's funeral. Cuh-razy.

We got back to the hotel and dispersed to find food/beer. I led a small group back to my room where we had a cooler of ice and a laptop playing Kirk's favorite 99X jams. Every few minutes more people would arrive and within an hour the room was packed with our friends. All eating, drinking and laughing over Kirk stories. I pretty much ignored the first noise complaint we received. By the second one, I moved everyone into an interior room (mine was on the end of our block of rooms). Though we must have been offending someone below us because even at 3am (when I stepped out of the room) I ran into the hotel security officer and received my third complaint. The last four or five people had gone to sleep by then, but I walked down the hall, dragging the cooler behind me, and stayed up until 6 with Roff and Tiffany. Very fun. Very stupid.

The next morning we checked out and got to the church for the funeral services. The church was small and old, but at the same time very nice. They had designed the interior nave (booyah, sunday school vocab) like a small theater. The pews creaked under us while we waited for the service to start.

To our amusement, the service, which was to be 'short and sweet', lasted an hour and a half. I only knew from stories Kirk told me that black baptist church services can go on for three hours. No doubt from the number of speakers involved. There must have been a dozen people that took turns at the pulpit. Uncle Kirk spoke about the number of places Kirk has called home and how he is at home now in God's kingdom. The head Reverend spoke to us about not looking back and having the strength and courage to move forward. It was a pretty nice service complete with all the black baptist choir and preacher grandstanding (I don't know a better word) you would expect. There were plenty of tears, but for the most part everyone managed to hold it together.

We left the church and formed a procession to the cemetery. We tried to condense vehicles as best we could, but there must have been 50 cars. We made our way through the city, onto the highway, back into the city and to the site. They have a sort of raised platform where the casket is placed. That morning it was surrounded by a tent since the temperature had dropped to about 27 degrees and the wind was biting. Though due to the tent only about half of us in attendance could fit inside to hear the last prayer said over Kirk. The family slowly left the tent. Tim's father was absolutely overcome with emotion and was helped out. As was Aunt Kelly and, of course, Deb.

After the family had left, we held things up for just a minute to take a picture of Kirk's friends. Joe has it and I'm sure he'll get it to this email list soon. Or post it on Flickr.

We found our way back to the church (everyone should have a GPS) for lunch being held in the basement. There were three long tables and a table for immediate family at the front of the room. We ate fried chicken, potato salad, mac and cheese and green beans. All quite delicious. Especially to those of us finally realizing how hung over we were from the previous night's drinking. We were also served Tim's sweet tea. I've had this concoction before at the Lawrence's house. Imagine really really sweet tea made not with sugar but with County Time lemonade powder. It is beyond sweet and beyond amazing. I've seen Kirk pour himself always half of whatever is left of it in the fridge. Even when there's barely any, Kirk would always save one last taste in the pitcher.

By the time we finished eating and talking to even MORE of Kirk's family it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and I promised to come by the Lawrence house this week. I told Tim I could bring subs and movies and just keep hanging out there all day like I have for the past five months. We joked, but I wonder if it wouldn't help both of us.

Deb cried some more, but I can tell that she's gonna be okay. She's too strong to let this pain keep her from doing what she needs to do. I told her we're gonna get her a new job working at a hospital. She would be in charge of talking to families of cancer patients and helping them organize their insurance/medications. Give her an opportunity to give to someone else what she's had to learn on her own for 4 years.

Nikki is frantically trying to interview for teaching jobs. She's putting together presentations about her work, raising a son, teaching and still manages to be there every step of the way for her family. She's so much like my sister it's ridiculous. If you see the two of them together, you'll know why.

Tiffany and Roffelle are doing great. They are absolutely adorable and exactly what they need for each other right now. I hope they can stay at Tim and Deb's house for a little while before moving into their apartment. Especially before this baby drops. Which will be SOON.

It's really over and that's crazy. I would like to say that I'm very glad to have met all the people and friends of Kirk that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I'm sure I'll meet even more at the Kirk-abration 2009.

No concrete plans on that yet, but I'm starting to shop for event spaces. I have decided, however, that we will wait until Tiffany has her baby. She's 'due' March 21st, but those of you with baby experience should know better than me that she's actually 9 months now and could go into labor at any time. So, once she has it and can stock up on some milk in the fridge we'll have the party. That way she can partake in the beverages like she's dying to these days. Plus it's a pretty solid reason not to have this party RIGHT NOW like my gut tells me.

Talk to you kids soon.

-John

Kirk D. Lawrence, 7.24.81 - 2.12.09

2009-02-12T09:30:00.001-05:00

We'll miss you, brother.

Kirk Update - 2.11.09

2009-02-12T04:19:00.000-05:00

Hooray! I wasn't going to be satisfied with the 'reply all' experiment until you guys started responding to something someone else wrote. And ya haven't let me down. 100% mad props to the West Coast Party Planning Committee. I'm about a 7.5 for attending that party myself. I've been wanting to get out there for a month to see people and hang out.

Moises has been in contact this morning with none other than Harry Knowles of Aint It Cool News (http://www.aintitcool.com/). Definitely cool indeed. He's got some of Kirk's movie materials and ideas (including Zombie Derby Girls) that he's gonna try to get passed around which will be even cooler. Hats off to all his recent efforts and Kirk love.

Kirk's breathing took another strange turn today. He'll take like 7-8 tiiiiiiiiny breaths then 1 giant one. Not wet at all. It sounds like a huge sigh or something. I accused him of being dramatic. That was really it for the entire day besides laughing our asses off with each other.

OH! Tim and Deb have decided to bury Kirk in Louisville. Another family member has very generously donated a super nice plot, etc and they made the call. I told them that I supported their decision and can't wait to meet ALL that family. People are more than welcome to come with me. More details as they're available and it's not 5:15am.

Sleep time now, for more Kirk tomorrow. xoxo

-John

Kirk Update - 2.10.09

2009-02-11T01:43:00.000-05:00

Hello friends,

Kirk's day started with a bang. At around 3am last night he suffered a BEAST of a seizure. It lasted for more than 15 minutes. Which of course is totally insane and might kill any of us. Luckily Tim and Deb were sleeping in the room and could get to him even faster than the nurses.

In spite of all that, he's still with us. Way to give us an ounce of accurate info, doctors.

I got over there around noon. I hung out with Tim and Deborah for a while. We talked about the morning's events while we did any small thing we could to make Kirk more comfortable. His breathing is very shallow and very wet. At times even gurgle-ly. This loose phlegm, and various other liquids, in his lungs settle if he stays in the same position. However, he can't stay in one position for too long on account of bed sore prevention. So the nurses have to come in and shift him, which reactivates the gurgling. Things went like that all afternoon. There is the option of using the dentist sucker thing, but it is really irritating to Kirk and doesn't get much since he can so rarely cough anything up into his mouth. Past that Kirk slept the entire day. No doubt completely worn out from the seizure.

Tim and Deb left seeking food, showers and new clothes. I wasn't alone for more than 5 minutes before Roff and Tiffany waddled in. Tiffany isn't due until the 21st of March, but she's huuuuuge with baby. We sat around, continued to monitor Kirk and talked for hours. I can't remember the last time I spent so much time just straight gabbing about nothing and anything.

By the time they left to find the baby some dinner, Diana was out of class and came to hang out. It was all I could do to make her stay in class until she was finished. Though she reported she was just about worthless and unable to concentrate. Diana's been a very reliable visit companion. She's in love with the Tiffany and Nikki and we've scheduled to meet up tomorrow at the hospice as well.

We'll go day to day like this until it's done. I can't figure out how Kirk has fought for so long. Tiffany says he's holding out to see her baby. Maybe so. Though if I was full of that much morphine, I don't know if I could think it through that well. Regardless, Kirk's nurses tell us that hearing is always the last to go and it's very likely that he can still hear us. So we talk to him a great deal. Tiffany sings. Deb prays. Tim jokes and Roff and I laugh. If not for our situation, we might be having the time of our lives.

Until tomorrow.

-John

PS - Kristina has put up an FTP site. Feel free to drop any celebration of Kirk tunes, pictures, videos (Liz! The skateboard video!) in there. If you don't know how to use ftp or are having any trouble, just let me know. Thanks!

Kirk Update - 2.9.09 Midnight

2009-02-10T01:50:00.000-05:00

Just another quick one before bed.

Kristina and I got over to the hospice tonight. It's BEAUTIFUL. Like, hardwood floors, nice furniture, fountains in the lobby, door to an outside patio from the room. There's a freaking library there in the building. It's really nice. I'm so so so glad we got out of the hospital.

Kirk is...slowly shutting down. He is spending less and less time awake. His urine is getting more and more pink. His breathing is getting shallow and very wet. I think we're sorta just waiting to see which final system will turn the lights out when they leave. With the exception of some coughing he is very comfortable. He has round the clock attention from the nurses, a soft bed and plenty of warm, fuzzy drugs.

Kristina and I were there for a little while by ourselves. I hooked up a cable to the little stereo in the room so we can play from music from ipods. I put on a 99X mix for him.

Tim and Deb had to go back to the house and grab some things. Decorations for the room, pillows and blankets (so they could camp out in the hospice tonight), extra clothes, etc. When they arrived we sat and talked. They both seem much better prepared to lose Kirk than they were Saturday night. Maybe if we're in the hospice for a couple days they can get a short time out before the whole funeral madness starts.

The buried/cremated issue will be a hot debate, I assure you. Kirk had previously voiced a request, years ago, to be cremated and packed into fireworks. I get the impression that neither Deb nor Tim wants to cremate. I haven't really been involved with these conversations, but I think both are equally good options for completely opposite reasons. Of course you want to follow the wishes of the deceased, however I'm a pretty firm believer that the last person to care about a funeral is the person it's for. I tend to think that funerals are for those left behind. Particularly parents and family. So no word on that yet. Only that both sides have a good argument.

I haven't thanked all you guys for the encouraging words and prayers and stories and photos and LOVE sent this way in the past months/weeks/days. Thank you so much. I think once Kirk gets to where he seems to be headed I'll call everyone.

Speaking of, I've been sketching out ideas in my mind for a party. Outdoors, fire pit, projector for movies, plenty of good food, snacks and candy. Location is a big deal. Obviously Tallahassee would be better for more people, but least good for the Lawrence family. Regardless, I think I will be creating "assignments" of sorts with Tiff and Nikki and distributing them to you. We've got a sizable army here and I'm sure we could make one hell of a monster party. At the very least I might set up a PayPal account and take donations to fund such an event? All up in the air right now. Opinions and ideas appreciated. And CC everyone else when you write me! I want a melting pot of community ideas. Mmmm...melting pot. Maybe we need fondue.

My mind's really racing about this now. Let's also have you guys email me with your specific location. And maybe a brief estimation of your travel availability. Or on a scale of 1-10. Something like:

10 - My bags are already packed. I can be anywhere you want me in 24 hours.

5 - With some notice I can get to a party on a weekend, but I don't have a car.

1 - I would have to sell an organ for gas money, my house is on fire, I'm due to have a baby come out of my body any day now, or if I leave my house the clowns will eat me. (All things we can work on.)

0 - I'm on the other side of the planet. I'd swim back if I thought I would make it in time, but there just isn't any way short of a $3000 plane ticket that I could get there.

I don't mean to put the cart before the horse, but let's definitely start working on this now. Not that a living room hug festival wouldn't be fun and cathartic, but to accomplish even half of the celebration Kirk deserves, it will require a good deal of planning.

-John

Kirk Update - 2.9.09, 5:30

2009-02-09T16:45:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note. Kirk is at the hospice. It didn't occur to me that of all the benefits of the hospice, another fantastic one is that the entire staff is on the same page. Ya know? No more questions for Deb and Tim, "Are we going to try this/that?", etc. So that's good.

Oh! I also forgot to encourage you all to start CCing everyone else on your emails. Not just me. It'll mean a lot of full mailboxes...cause there is DEFINITELY a lot of mail flying around...but i figure a lot of us know each other well from school, but I doubt anyone but Kirk knows everyone on this list. Some on The List might not know anyone else on it. It would be dumb to not bring together all the people feeling the same pain. So, let's work on that.

One love my people.

-John

Kirk Update - 2.9.09, Noon

2009-02-09T12:08:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the lack of midnight email last night! I just got done with what turned into a 15 hour shift at the hospital. I'm gonna get this email off real quick before I pass out.

Kirk was moved to a new, larger room early last night. Originally, it was to try some kind of complicated oxygen mask, but that was shot down on account of it would be a major pain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIRna9Q4l_g) for him. And besides the regular mask is getting the job done. The increased room size allowed us to steal more chairs and have everyone sitting comfortably. With exception of the nurse who once literally squatted at her computer for a minute instead of asking for her chair back out of our room. WellStar Douglas nurses = Love +10.

We watched The Simpsons and Family Guy. Or more accurately those were on while we ran our mouths some more about everything under the sun. We are NEVER short of things (and occasionally people) to talk about. Once you stop crying, there's really a fun time to be had. This continued through the Grammy Awards which made me think I need to bring some CDs over to the hospital. We have so many movies, but not enough music.

Sometime around 11:30 the Lawrences left to go sleep and be rested for more hospital this morning. Meanwhile I was wide awake from my nap and Roffelle wasn't planning on leaving either. Though he MUST be tired. He's taking such good care of Tiffany, and finding/cleaning/moving their new apartment, AND staying up all night with Kirk. I saw him in and out of sleep last night for no more than 3 hours. He's a machine. Especially to be able to jump up out of sleep, I swear, and help the nurses and me change Kirk's bedsheets. This is quite a physical ordeal due to his size and weight. It will be a strong factor in the decision to take him to a hospice over trying to care for him at the house.

Through all of this mess we watched movies. We saw Taken (B-), Step Brothers (B-), Trading Places, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Goonies got started when I left this morning. Kirk was in and out of sleep in the night as well, but sometime around 5am he started grabbing for his oxygen mask and trying to pull it off. I fixed the mask back on his mouth and held his hand. He responded with some pretty strong grip strength. I was surprised. He would also open his eyes wide (about half way open is "wide" these days) during the funny parts in the movies. I don't mean to suggest that Kirk was much for actively watching the movies, but if he has much concentration about anything, it's the TV or nurses poking/washing/moving him. Between the movies, goofing off with Roffelle and playing games with the night nurses (like "Guess How Much Pee Is In the Bag Before She Measures It") I had a great time.

On the whole, Kirk isn't much better than yesterday. The current hypothesis is that if they run a tube through his nose (a mild irritation compared to a surgically-installed feeding tube) they can make sure some soup makes it to his stomach (as opposed to his lungs) and the calories might give him some energy. I think this is the last service the hospital can offer before a comfy bed and comfy drugs are all he needs. Both of which are in no short supply at the hospice. I presume he'll have been moved there by the time I wake up this afternoon since they already have one picked out.

I think our Little Engine That Could has the station in sight. We'll see what he does with the new caloric energy though. For now I'm gonna go take about 400 cc's of sleep-aclilin. I'll be back at the hospital again tonight though. I don't PLAN on being there all night, so hopefully you'll get another email from me before tomorrow.

xoxoxo,

-John

Kirk Update 2.8.09, Mid Day

2009-02-08T15:21:00.000-05:00

Hello!

I've really about had it with doctors. In direct contrast with everything we've been told in the last 24 hours, Kirk is awake and doing much much better. Not great, but still better.

Roffelle (I've been spelling it Raphael...I didn't know!) was there all night...ALL NIGHT...reading scripture to Kirk and keeping watch over him. The nurses told him that we had left minutes before, so this is around 1am last night. So he starts reading, and Kirk coughs and opens his eyes a crack. Roffelle is shocked and asks Kirk if he's there. Kirk raises his right hand for their handshake/snap they do. Freaking adorable.

It was after this that Roffelle called Tiffany. She sang to him on the phone and told him she loved him. He scratched out a weak "I love you too". Roffelle said he was ready to run up and down the halls high five-ing nurses. They spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep and watching anime cartoons.

I got there early this morning. Close to 9:00. Kirk was awake and greeted me with eye contact. He's not much for talking, but he'll respond sometimes with a nod. He's pretty grumpy as you might expect. His sole motivation for moving is to pull his oxygen mask off. Once he wasn't content to just have it off his mouth. He kept tugging at it until Roffelle and I took it off of him. Other times he'll try messing with his IV needle and you have to swat his hand away.

Nurse Kathy is his day nurse. She came in to wash Kirk and change his bed. Let me tell you, she quickly recruited us to help move his body. He weighs SO MUCH when he can't help. It took all three of us multiple tries to slide him 2 inches back to line his hips up with where they are supposed to be for his bed. This is the real clincher for whether or not Kirk will return home or be in a hospice. Without 3-4 trained dudes on call, the Lawrences will not be able to move him.

Then Kathy got out a dentist-like sucker device to catch any phlegm/blood Kirk could cough up. After a couple tries his breathing became much more normal. No more Darth Vader.

Diana and the rest of the family and came a little while after. They didn't skip finding clean clothes and a shower before coming like I did. Heh. They were just SO PLEASED to see Kirk with his eye open and out of his semi-coma. Tiffany sang a little to him while Nikki rubbed his head. Tim and Deborah unloaded hugs and kisses.

Roffelle and I inspected the TV in his room and confirmed that there were video inputs on the back. Against the wishes of the nurse staff we stepped out to the Lawrence house to get a dvd player and some movies.

While we were gone, Tiffany called and requested food for her and the baby. We stopped to pick up subs on the way back. Then, once we got back to the room, we had to have someone hold the subs in the hallway before Kirk saw or smelled them and wanted to eat them. The nurses have approved ice chips and POSSIBLY...popcicles. So we'll work on that first.

Before eating our lunch in the cafeteria we got the dvd player hooked up and started Trading Places for him. He maintains pretty good focus on the TV though he occasionally falls asleep a little.

I'm convinced that Kirk's doctors have no idea what to do. His indian neurologist came in the morning. He smiled and shrugged at me as he walked in. Hell, I can do that. Where's my PHD? I think part of the problem is just inexperience with cancer patients that are so young. They tell us that by all science and logic, Kirk should be steadily on his way out. They've discussed the possibility of doing further testing/scanning to determine the progress of the tumors, but so far have concluded that there is no point since they won't be doing chemo treatment, etc.

Kirk is very confortable and well medicated, but if he isn't going to require the full services of the hospital for testing, he will get moved to a hospice. I was sorta hoping we could skip that step, if for no other reason, for the sake of the Lawrences emotions. They need to see Kirk at peace and not fighting and strugling to stay alive.

It's nap time, but I'll be back at the hospital later and will give a new update late tonight.

-John

Kirk Update - 2.8.09, Kirk's Awake

2009-02-08T07:38:00.000-05:00

People, I don't know much. Other than Kirk is AWAKE.

Tiffany just called me. She said that after we left the hospital, Raphael went back over to the hospital to be with Kirk and read scripture. And sometime around 3am, Kirk woke up and started watching anime cartoons with him. Raphael calls Tiffany and she tells Kirk she loves him, etc. Through swollen tongues and scratchy throats he manages an "I love you too".

Why I'm just hearing about this NOW is something I can beat someone up about once I'm there.

So, Kirk is defying medical science right now. Diana just pointed out that "of course Kirk would go zombie on us". I'm getting my stuff together and will report back to Kristina or Diana who can email you guys while I'm out.

-John

Kirk Update - 2.7.09 Evening

2009-02-07T20:15:00.000-05:00

First let me correct myself. This morning I said they did an MRI. I misunderstood Miss Debbie. Though they had planned on doing the MRI, they decided not to because they knew that it would only confirm what was obvious: the tumor was growing, putting pressure on his circulatory system, and depleting his brain function.

The strategy for today has been stability and comfort. They did pump his lungs again today to draw out any remaining blood. After, his breathing got a little deeper and much much less "wet" sounding.

I stayed by Kirk's bed for somewhere between 30 min to an hour. He makes small movements...like you might if you were dreaming...but occasionally very deliberate ones. For instance his oxygen mask was slipping off his chin. I offered to help get it back on and before I could touch the mask, he turned his head away from me. Stubborn to the end. I read him all my text messages and emails from everyone and let him know about all the people on this email list. I truly believe he was there inside his body listening. He seemed it. I was glad to be able to give him a deliberate time to think of all of you.

The rest of the day I sat in the waiting room with the family. We talked for HOURS today. About Kirk, about Tiffany's pregnancy, about modern education and the state of the country. These people are amazing and I'm so glad to have had the opportunity to be with them through these times.

Sometime around 6:30 the hospital staff has a shift change. Kirk's doctors convened and looked at his statistics. They called Tim and Deborah back to give them the bad news...

~The Bad News~
Kirk cannot have another seizure. If he does, it will likely be his last. So to prevent this, they've nearly doubled his anti-seizure medication. WHICH, is weakening his already weakened (by the seizures) heart. They can't take him off the medication unless he comes to. And if he goes into cardiac arrest, he's DNR. Kirk's balancing on the edge of a knife and the doctors don't think he will live to see the morning.

Deborah Lawrence is OFFICIALLY the strongest person I've ever witnessed.

She cried a great deal and led us in a prayer. A prayer for Kirk but primarily a prayer for the rest of us. She prayed for the strength to survive her son. And the strength to fight the devil that wants to break her down. She prayed for her children, her extended family, her children's unborn children and her bearded, white son.

I've only come home to write some email, grab some food and go back to the hospital. I just couldn't see myself sitting around the house under the circumstances.

I honestly hope Kirk can pass away soon and shed his "Chubbly Bubbly Suit" he's trapped in with comfort and with his family beside him. Should he stay in this state for very long it will be a tragedy for the hearts and minds of everyone. We started this in October and 5 months is a long time to have to hold your breath.

I'll continue to keep everyone updated and, should the inevitable happen, be assigning party-planning responsibilities. Gather ye sour patch kids while ye may.

-John

Kirk Update - 2.7.09

2009-02-07T10:54:00.001-05:00

I'm about to head out to the hospital. I've talked to Deborah. The neurologist has seen Kirk and says that he has brain function. This was confirmed by Kirk trying to take out his mouth guard and remove his oxygen mask in the night. Two things he's uncomfortable wearing, I think.

However.

The MRI came back and showed that the cancer is pretty much running rampant. This would explain why Kirk hasn't opened his eyes at all, but still shows enough brain function to do so. His doctors remain amazed that he is still with us at all and continue to prepare Kirk's family for the worst. Kirk's heart is significantly weakened, and should he go into cardiac arrest he's DNR, as we all know.

Soooooo, I'll be relaying all kinds of messages to him today. Anything specific you'd like him to know, you can text me today. Again, more info as it's available. Get the torches of Minas Tirith ready. There's no telling when we'll have to put out The Call.

-John

Kirk Update - 2.6.09, DefCon2

2009-02-07T01:12:00.000-05:00

Friends,

After tonight I feel confident moving us to DefCon2. Yes, a higher DefCon is better: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DEFCON. I'll go ahead and admit that I really only know that from the movie War Games.

SO...here's what went down this afternoon. Kirk was at home and sustained a series of fairly traumatic seizures. During which he bit/gashed his tongue pretty severely. I know he didn't bite anything off, but the word 'hemorrhaging' was being tossed around. The damage was enough to inhale a fair bit of blood into his lungs. At the hospital they drained his lungs as best they could, but their main concern seemed to be to stabilize and sedate him. Kirk is in the E.R. and unconscious at this point. We were told that unconscious is good because it means he is less likely to trigger any further seizures.

(Oh, speaking of E.R., one of the nurses was wearing a vest. On the back it read "E.R. You watch it. We live it." I didn't know exactly how to take that.)

Kristina and I sat through an hour of Atlanta traffic (5:00 on a Friday and leaving the city) before meeting the Lawrences in the ICU waiting room. Deborah was understandably upset. However I knew that the more people she had around her to be strong in front of, the easier she might be able to take things. Tiffany, even 8 months pregnant, is solid as a rock. She has been ever since the beginning. She sat with Rafael and we traded ridiculous stories about Kirk with various family members in the waiting room. We didn't see Tim for a while. I was concerned he might handcuff himself to Kirk's bed. He's less outwardly emotional, but it's plain to see how much Kirk's suffering hurts him. Nikki was there from Athens. She's very soft emotionally, but you can tell that as much as she's concerned for Kirk, she's the first to react with strength for Tim and Deborah and attend to them when they need support.

Kirk was moved from the ER to ICU shortly after we arrived. Everyone paired up and took turns seeing him for a few minutes. He was nothing short of ZONKED OUT when we went in. To look at him you might guess he was sleeping. He was laid up in the bed and breathing loudly with an oxygen mask over his mouth. No breathing tube or anything, but he has to wear a rubber mouthpiece to protect his mouth in the event of another seizure. His breathing was a little shallow and wet from the remaining fluids in his lungs. They told us they didn't want to touch/move him too much risking a new seizure and that tomorrow, should he wake up, they'll finish pumping his lungs.

Kristina and I stood by him for a few moments and relayed messages of love from people. We watched his vitals on the screen and noticed an elevated heart rate. I assume that the seizures took a toll on his heart and it might be beating more to get the job done. I'll let you know for sure when my PHD comes in the mail. We didn't stay very long on the off chance that Kirk knew we were there and we were keeping him from sleeping.

~The Good News~
The nurses noted that though he was "mostly unconscious" when they cleaned the blood from his mouth/nose he winced and resisted slightly. This was likely volluntary. While in ICU, he moved his legs, attempted to reposition his blankets and faintly squeezed Nikki's hand. He also motioned to his mouth and tried to get the mask/mouthpiece away. All good things. They also commented how Kirk's body was so well cared for. Clean, groomed, healthy skin, no bed sores, etc. Tim and Deborah were proud from the commendation.

~The Plan~
Tonight a neurologist is going to inspect his brain activity and tomorrow morning they've scheduled an MRI. I think the results of these exams and his condition in the next 12 hours will tell us a lot. I'm going back over to the hospital tomorrow morning. Hopefully we'll have results from the exams and have a better of idea of Kirk's condition.

Kirk and his family (and me too) know you all are thinking of them. Please don't "feel silly" (Miss Morgan) doing the regular things you need to do in your lives while you know someone is sick. Tiffany and Deborah both noticed how often my phone went off tonight with calls and texts. They know Kirk's got an army of friends behind him that love him. It definitely helps. It helps me too because I get to have a job to do instead of 'hurry up and wait'.

More intel from the front as it's received, troops. xoxo

-John

Kirk Update - 2.6.09, DefCon1

2009-02-06T15:47:00.000-05:00

Friends,

First let me say that as far as any of us knows, Kirk is still with us. However, today he has suffered multiple seizures and is unconscious in ICU. He will not be put on life support (per his wishes) should it come to that. I don't know much more than that until I get to the hospital, I just received word from Deborah a few minutes ago.

Phone calls to come very soon.

I'll be writing more updates today as I get information. Stay tuned.

-John

Kirk Update - 2.3.09

2009-02-03T12:05:00.000-05:00

Hello, everyone!

It's been some time since my last update. Things have just been really busy and SICK. First my Dad, then me, then Kristina. So it has pretty much kept me from seeing the Lawrences as often as I'd like to. Near Christmas was the worst. Not many fevers (which are the biggest worry for Kirk), but everyone caught the mystery bug that was going around. Put everyone on a couch for about a week. Though during that time I did see Kirk online much more often. It's very difficult to determine when though. But if you're online as much as I am, you might see him pop up on AIM.

Andrew and I stopped by on Christmas Eve to drop off The Dark Knight for Kirk and some stuff for the rest of the family. Tiffany met me at the door and said she was going to leave a key so I could lock up when I left. The rest of the family was already out finishing Christmas shopping and she was leaving to do the same. So they were already planning on leaving Kirk by himself at the house which I thought showed a great deal of confidence.

The three of us sat around watching TV. It was pretty late in the evening so Kirk was a little more tired and less responsive than usual. He's very selective about what he'll respond to. If something's funny he'll respond immediately. If you ask a question he doesn't know the answer to, he doesn't say anything. It's very Jekyll/Hyde because it will go back and forth within seconds.

His concentration is very 1 dimensional. He'll talk to you from across the room, OR fix himself a drink, OR laugh at the TV. But interrupt one of those with conversation and he doesn't catch it. Though communication success is closely tied to the hour. Earlier is better. And even better still if he's not hungry and thinkin about food.

Bryan stayed in town until nearly the third week of January so we got over there for a couple of afternoons. (Kirk's 'morning' routine is getting later in the day. He's up and ready by about 1 now instead of 11 or so.) We watched King of Queens. Say what you want about Paul Blart, Kevin James is funny. Kirk still laughs at all kinds of comedy. Physical comedy, word play, facial expressions...all good. And not just responding to comedy. He'll make his own jokes about what's going on.

For instance, we watched Matthew McConaughey's Reign of Fire. If you haven't had the pleasure, it's about fighting dragons in the near future. It is ridiculous and fantastic. Kirk, Bryan and I made up a game where we pretend McConaughey doesn't know he's in a movie and is just genuinely responding to the threat of dragons. Which explains why they had to cast Christian Bale because such mighty acting chops would be necessary to keep up with McConaughey making stuff up on the fly. ALSO, McConaughey makes random grunting noises in the movie. I have NO idea why. Kirk thinks it would be a good opportunity to drink every time he does. Very funny stuff.

Kirk received a care package from Crystal in Japan. He taught me The Japanese Candy Game. The need for the game comes somewhat from not being able to read the packaging but primarily from the random nature of Japanese candy. Is it gum or a cookie? Is it sweet or sour?...etc. All questions you must ask and answer for yourself with the foreign candy already in your mouth because you'd have no way of knowing by looking at it.

Kirk has sorta leveled off on his "improvements". Previously he seemed better and better every time I saw him. I still suspect this is from coming off of his meds. He has also been seeing a physical therapist a couple times a week. They come over and have him perform exercises (some I couldn't do, like stand on one leg while pushing your other straight leg backwards). The results are sent to Medicare or something? And he sees the therapist as long as Medicare thinks he needs to? I don't know how that works. Or doesn't work as the case likely is with Medicare.

Physically, he's still very strong. I occasionally give him a hand off the couch if I'm standing there (he doesn't really NEED it) and you can feel the strength in his arm. I don't know how it hasn't atrophied. Kirk is also very VERY swollen. Chubbly Bubbly, as I call him. Maybe both can be attributed to steroids? Dunno.

So that's how our boy has been the past couple months. Still truckin. No word from any of his doctors to suggest that anything should change soon. Though I still prepare myself for the worst.

A couple of you have mentioned wanting to come up soon. Things are pretty nuts in Marietta. Kristina and I are moving to a condo in Roswell (15 min east) very soon. There will still be a guest bedroom and plenty of couches over there so that's not a problem. I just wouldn't be able to be a proper host during the move. Which could be as soon as this weekend? I need to schedule movers, etc. But I will keep everyone posted on that. If you want to come up, just let me know when and we'll sort it out.

TTFN, kids.

-John

Kirk Update - 12.10.08

2008-12-10T01:26:00.000-05:00

Hello! Yes, it's been QUITE a while. Hmm, these posts are getting further and further apart. I haven't spent as much time with him as I would like, but he and I speak on AIM or on the phone every few days. I've been out of town and busy with holiday stuff.

And sick! Which definitely means no seeing Kirk. So BE NOT SICK if you plan to visit! For instance, Kirk recently informed me that he had a seizure last week. He got wind of some sickness which just about instantly gave him a fever. His new doctor says this likely kicked off the seizure. Kirk bit his tongue, but otherwise was/is fine.

He has a new doctor now. He's Indian (dots not feathers) so it amuses Deborah when I do an impression. My childhood was riddled with Indian influences. Anyway, he's great. He has a very positive attitude about Kirk's condition. He also runs any test Deborah wants done in addition to tests he's already doing which pleases her. These are blood tests mostly. He also gave them a direct number to a neurologist colleague of his in case of an emergency. Which is very very helpful.

Kirk answered the door today like he does most days. He's looking pretty swollen, but it fluctuates so much it could be down tomorrow. I called him 'chubbly bubbly' and pinched his swollen cheeks which he appreciated. Then he got to the kitchen and back to the couch like it was nothin. He's not going to set any landspeed records any time soon, but he moves.

We watched The Daily Show and Colbert Report which was new. Even with all that's been going on economically and politically, it's the first time I've seen him the least bit interested in current events. Even comedy news show current events. Also he's laughing A LOT more lately. Like he's pretty much back up to Regular Kirk levels of laughing, but maybe just more quiet inbetween? Yes, that's it.

Then we watched as much as we could stand of "Cha$e". Some reality show that's supposed to be like a videogame. In half an hour no one shot an exploding barrel, got healed by eating some food (possibly an entire turkey). or even had to push a crate. It was a bunch of people running around a defined area of city blocks hoping not to get seen (and tagged) by Matrix-looking agents that chase you. Actually, now that I think about it...that's not entirely unlike Pacman. Touche, Cha$e.

Then most of Mumford and a documentary about jumprope competitions. And ya know? I'm ready to say it: jumprope is really almost a legitimate sport. WAY better than trampoline though and isn't that already an Olympic event? Anyway, those kids can jump the hell out of that rope. There's one event where you have to jump as many times as you can in 3 minutes. Kirk and I laughed quite a bit at this 12 year old who was pushing her body so hard in those 3 minutes that she weezed like hell after. Yep...we laughed at children.

By then all the Lawrences were home and we discussed all things good and bad with the world. Pretty much sorted out all the problems with insurance companies, the auto bailouts and confirmed for ourselves that that absolutely IS NOT Sarah Palin's baby.

To everyone sending stuff to Kirk: you're awesome. Troll dvds, Hellboy II SIGNED BY GUILLERMO DEL TORO. You guys are rad.

Everyone should keep an eye out for Kirk on AIM (Bottlerokit). He's on at least every other day it seems. He and I catch up on things (and youtube videos) there. In the meantime I'll work on writing more emails and documenting this crazy time for us.

-John

Kirk Update - 11.19.08

2008-11-19T09:47:00.000-05:00

Hey! It's been a while, I know. Kirk's been out of town. His grandfather in Kentucky had a heart attack, so last week he was up there with him. Just another emotional plate for the Lawrences to spin. His grandfather is still doing ok, but they decided against surgery on account of his age. Whatcha gonna do.

I saw Kirk when he got back. He was on his laptop! Which is awesome because maybe you guys can find him on AIM/gmail chat. He's been so super responsive lately on the phone and on IM. Like really holding to topic and carrying on a conversation. He's still pretty distracted by other things going on in the room, but I've had a couple really "regular" conversations with him online lately. So, thumbs up.

We really just sorta hung out. Watched Bam Margera (that retard skater who landed a super-scripted show on MTV) for a while. As much as I'd like to punch that kid, the show is pretty funny. Kirk and I laughed for a while about it. Just sorta making fun of everything...like we do.

Tiffany came home from work and we talked about her baby and Njicki's baby and Njicki's very recent 3D sonogram pictures (it's a girl!).

This past weekend we had Steve, Joe, Bradley Tori and Wash all back. They brought cold weather with them, heh. We watched a handful of movies (City Slickers, Total Recall, Bladerunner) since Kirk generally stuck to the couch. I've noticed that he's more up and about (a little) when there are fewer people over. Though he usually only up to sneak into the kitchen and snack.

Kirk was still on his laptop most of the time. Reading about new movies or playing flash games. And, again, hopefully talking to all of you on AIM?

Kirk was pretty significantly more swollen on Sunday. This keeps Deborah in a pretty constant 'worry mode'. But he shrugs it off like it's nuthin. He still gets up off the couch unassisted. Still takes a regular time to go to the bathroom. And still puts anything he gets his hands on in his mouth. (Watch out for that. You'll get 'fired and put out on the street' if Miss Deborah thinks you let him eat it.)

I've been terribly sick and congested the this week, so I haven't been back over. Hopefully I can knock this thing out and get back to hanging out with our boy. Talk to you kids soon.

-John

Kirk Update - 11.4.08

2008-11-05T17:13:00.000-05:00

Such a big day for Obama, the United States and The World! Congratulations to us all. Now let's get to work.

Kirk and I hung out yesterday afternoon. Discussed the election and voting. He did not vote or have an absentee ballot or anything. Which is a shame, however, he was relatively uninterested in the whole thing. I wonder if he feels like he's not a part of that anymore. I hope not. Maybe he'll be be more talkative about things since Obama has won. We'll see.

Kirk is doing REALLY well. Still improving every day. Monday he called me to ask for Courtney's cell number to wish her a happy birthday. Which doesn't seem like a big deal, but he was just so much better on the phone than he has previously been. Still slow, but with shorter silences and he stayed on topic. Yesterday he was still a little slow...almost more relaxed then slow now...but in good spirits.

Miss Kathryn Hudson came over from Alabama/Pensacola. We watched the end of Nash Bridges (hilariously awful) before watching the documentary Darkon. It's about these guys that play in a medieval LARP (live action role play) universe. They dress and speak like they assume knights once did. And battle with foam swords. Somewhat touching, mostly miserably sad, but I still recommend seeing it. If only for the 90 second clip of a 4 year old, dressed as a knight for Halloween, going CRAZY with his sword and shield. Very impressive.

Kathryn couldn't stay long so we said our goodbyes and watched The Prestige. Which, if you haven't had the pleasure, I suggest you get up right now and go watch. It's pretty rock solid from top to bottom. Don't be one of those "I knew he was Tyler Durden" people either. The plot dominates. Kirk and I had a pretty in-depth discussion about the mirroring of the two magician characters (it's about magicians), their stories and personal losses, etc.

More and more we're having as complex discussions about movies as we used to. Time travel, teleportation, etc. I hope the growing strength of his arguments is telling of his physical condition. He did get up from the couch on his own, go to the bathroom and return in a reasonable amount of time. Which is just the most bizarre thing to want to tell someone...haha...but it's just another improvement I've noticed. I had to stop myself from mentioning it to him when he returned to the couch for fear of embarrassing him. Though Kirk's definitely all stocked up on humility.

I left shortly after the end of the movie. I had a discussion with the rest of the Lawrences on my way out about Obama's chances. I tried to assure everyone that it was definitely going to happen. They've been just as unsure as I've tried to force myself to be lately. I'm glad everything has worked out so far. January can't come fast enough.

A couple new names on The List this time. As always, if you haven't been to kirklawrence.blogspot.com you can catch up on all previous updates and find a link to Kirk's Flickr page. If you have any photos of Kirk that you can share for the page, just get them to me or Joe.

Peace out my soon-to-be-unified-under-a-proud-flag-again brothers and sisters.

-John

Kirk Update - 10.26.08

2008-10-26T23:15:00.000-04:00

This weekend has had its ups and downs.

Saturday Adam, Kristin and I met at Kirk's. We watched a fair bit of college football. Noles, Dawgs win. Tech, Vandy lose. Kirk was up and alert for a good portion of the day. Dan and Leslee got in a little late (6ish) and he was still up and about joking and laughing with everyone.

So much up and about in fact that he swelled up his left foot pretty good. It was hurting him in the night so of course everyone was up worrying about it until they could take him to the hospital today.

They were gone when Dan, Leslee and I arrived today. We waited until about 6 or so when they returned instead of being in the way at the hospital. The main concern was that Kirk might have a blood clot in his leg which would be very bad. Primarily because the medicine used to combat blood clots can cause bleeding in the brain. Very bad.

However, they performed an ultrasound on his leg. No clots (or babies). The best guess was that the steroids he's on, for brain inflammation prevention, are causing water retention in his feet as well as possibly weakening the muscle tissue in his legs. It's also likely the cause of Kirk's insatiable appetite. However Tylenol should be able to knock out any pain he's feeling.

By the time everyone got home and a little settled we were all pretty beat. Kirk sat on the couch and watched the end of the Giants/Steelers game with us. Then he got up and had the dinner Deborah amazingly managed the strength to cook. You think I'm good, this woman is a MACHINE. After the game and dinner the three of us left.

So, mixed news today. Kirk's in enough pain that he let someone take him to the hospital, but without much degradation of his physical condition. Or any life-threatening clots. Let's hope any future doctor visits go this well. Maybe we'll get an MRI done soon and check the status of the tumor? I don't know what the plan is for obtaining new scans. I'll keep everyone updated on that when I can find out. Maybe we'll get a better idea of "how long?". To that question the doctors that saw him today said "4 years?!? Really?!?" So, not 100% encouraging, but hey, they're only doctors. They're wrong every day.

For anyone new to The List, I bid you welcome. Be sure to check out previous postings on kirklawrence.blogspot.com. Feel free to send either me or Joe any pictures you have of Kirk that you'd like added to the Flickr page. = )

-John

"Tagged" spam?

2008-10-25T08:59:00.002-04:00

Has anyone else gotten emails saying "Kirk sent you a friend request on Tagged :)"? Yeah, I'm pretty sure these are spam. They're coming from his Gmail account, which may have been hacked. You probably shouldn't open them or click any of the links. Leave a comment if you have any further insight.

-Joe

Kirk Update - Week of Oct. 20th.

2008-10-23T18:17:00.000-04:00

VERY SORRY that I've been so out of touch this week. We've had non-stop guests at the house since last Wednesday. Just got busy and I sorta fell off the grid.

We got a slow start on Saturday. We got everybody up, stuffed Beavis, Illy, Devon and Nick into my car and headed over to Kirk's. We had a bit of a scare when we arrived.

Deborah answered the door and told us that Kirk wasn't up yet. She was so concerned about the swelling in his left foot that she was thinking of taking him to the hospital. Though, while she jumped in the shower, I snuck back into Kirk's room and talked to him about it. Asked him how the foot was and if we were gonna go to a hospital today. He replied "Uhh..NO" and suggested that his mom was overreacting. That's from Kirk "everything's okay" Lawrence. His foot was probably okay, but she's right to worry. A blood clot would be no good. (The swelling has since gone down!)

So we stayed. Watched Pootie Tang (hilarious, of course) and college football. Kinda a low and lazy day on the whole.

Sunday we came with even MORE people. Including Paul. Very good to have him back from the desert. We watched Jurassic Park. Or rather, constantly made fun of Jurassic Park on account of we LOVE Jurassic Park. If you weren't already aware, Muldoon doesn't know he's in a movie. Also, Hammond and Malcolm used to date, broke up, but still mess around. It's TRUE! Watch it and see.

Monday and Tuesday we skipped. I took Paul to Macon to see his people and get some Nu-Way hotdogs. Both were excellent.

Wednesday we watched The Wizard. Aka "Fred Savage is not The Wizard". A timeless classic.

And today we saw IronMan and Kingpin.

It's weird to write these updates for this week. I could go on and on about the movies we watch or the jokes we make. But there's just so little to say about Kirk and his condition. He's still 'good'. I haven't noticed any changes in maybe the last 10 days except a strange patch of lost hair.

Thus, I think I'm going to back off a little on the updates. I know everyone likes to know what's going on and how we love/hate movies, but for now I'll just be sure to keep you updated on changes. I have a hypothesis about barometric pressure affecting Kirk's mood that I'm tinkering with. I'll let you know how that goes.

I'm really glad I have nothing to report and that things can be like this. That he can be awake and alert and watch movies with friends. For now. Or however long he has left. I hate to say it, but when things start to deteriorate I don't want the cancer to drag Kirk through it. Quick like a bandaid. I don't know if you all feel the same.

Again, very sorry for being so late on this. I know for those of you that can't make it up here to hang out, this is the only way you have to know what's going on. I'll still be writing, of course, but possibly not daily. = )

-John

Kirk Update - 10.17.08

2008-10-18T01:03:00.000-04:00

Woo! Friday...let's see...

Jenny, Devon and I got over there a little late today. We didn't bring lunch on account of we've been in trouble for over-feeding Kirk the past couple of days. Tiffany, the day warden, greeted us. Kirk was standing around in the kitchen like he's not supposed to. We got him down to the couch. Not like wrestled him, but asking Kirk to do something he doesn't want to do isn't going to make it happen. Luckily, he gladly complied.

Then we found out that Kirk hadn't eaten lunch yet. I hope he wasn't waiting for us to arrive with it. Suffice to say I'm still bringing food from now on.

He ate leftover Jersey Mike's and his mother's chickpeas and put on MTV. We watched 8 bands in a row that sounded exactly the same. Seriously. "Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?"

We laughed at the emo, loser bands and reminisced about when music used to be good. Yep, we're that old now. Kirk pulled names of bands and songs we had forgotten out of thin air like he always does. Long term memory: check. Kirk dances a little 'pretty dance' on the couch when the beat is good. Or sings/whistles the hook. He's just generally all over music when it's around.

Then we flipped stations quite a bit and watched bits and pieces of movies on HBO. Until finally stopping on, of all things, Forrest Gump. Your Academy Award winner for Best Picture in 1994. Take that Pulp Fiction. AND Shawshank. I will say that it does have comedic timing down and you can't touch Tom Hanks' acting. But seriously...that can't save a string of progressively more unbelievable events no matter how many heart strings it tugs, right?

We discussed how many other movies in '94 were better that weren't even nominated. True Lies, Dumb and Dumber, Ace Ventura...Mighty Ducks 2. Yeah, I said it.

Nikki arrived again with Messiah. She, Tiffany and Roffelle got to work on another jigsaw puzzle at the kitchen table. Kirk got up as Forrest Gump was ending to sit at the table as well. The Lawrence children comedy compounds when they're together. Singing, laughing...it's awesome.

Oh, there was one small change with Kirk physically today. He's missing a patch of hair the size of maybe a thumbprint on the side of his head. The weird thing is that I'm pretty sure I would have noticed if it wasn't there when we got there. No idea on what it is. Doesn't hurt so I'm fine with it. Just weird.

Anyway, that's about when we took off.

Just a reminder for anyone new to The List. You can find all previous updates and a link to the flickr page Joe set up at kirklawrence.blogspot.com. If you have any pictures of Kirk you can contribute, please send them to me or to Joe and we'll get them up there.

We just got Beavis and Illy in tonight. And I pick up Nick in the morning. Woo hoo! Gonna be a fun time. If anyone is planning on coming up, again, just let me know and I can take care of a reservation at El Casa de Jarvis with complimentary Lawrence House shuttle service.

Peace yall.

-John

Kirk Update - 10.16.08

2008-10-16T23:54:00.000-04:00

Greeting and welcome to the Kirk Update: Inconceivable! Edition.

Today Jenny and I brought over Jersey Mikes. Again. But it was such a hit last time, I figured we should. Though maybe I'll back off the food a little. OR bring it earlier. I got in trouble for giving Kirk second lunch yesterday. Backyard Burger at that. Seems it upset his stomach. Sorry! I love with food and the kid won't stop eating!
Lynn Talley's 9th grade english classes sent Kirk dozens and dozens of cards today. I knew they were coming and was pretty psyched to get to read them. I went through each one with Kirk at the kitchen table. They are pretty awesome. Lot's of zombies, robots, aliens drawn by 14 year olds. We laughed with the kids mostly. Though at times the stuff they came up with was borderline insane. Good times, though. THANKS SO MUCH LYNN!

Then we finished the episode of Sabrina The Teenage Witch that was on when we arrived. Can I just say...Soleil Moon Frye? Wow.

Let's see, then we watched The Princess Bride. "Anybody want a peanut?" Kirk is still keeping up with quotes. Quite a bit now. More so than he was a week ago certainly. Like he'll set it up and do the punchline and tack on a sound effect for a facial expression. Whereas he might have done all three things individually last week, he'll do them all at once now. Tiny, tiny benchmarks, I know. But it's just something I notice.

Then we lost him the bathroom again for an hour. Like literally a full on hour. Tim had to keep knocking every 20 min or so to see if he was okay. Kirk is definitely handling the embarrassment of crazy bowel function very well. Better than I hope I ever have to.

Deborah got home. I got in trouble for...I dunno...probably something. We spoke a little about whether her job is going well. If you guessed "Hell to the NO", give yourself 5 points. Once she starts making dinner it's about time to leave. Kirk is pretty wiped out by that point anyway.

We got Devon back tonight! I spoke with Beavis. He and Illy will arrive VERY late tomorrow night. Paul is...here? But he's at a wedding so we might not see him until Sunday. Butter, Brett, Courtney, Nick. All coming. Gonna be awesome.

Till tomorrow, kids.

-John

Kirk Update - 10.15.07

2008-10-16T12:17:00.000-04:00

Sorry this update is late. Kristina, Jenny and I were out watching Obama seal the deal on his pending inauguration. Booyah.

It was just Diana and me yesterday. Kirk answered the door himself! We greeted him with gifts of Backyard Burger lunch for which he was very appreciative. Kirk was getting himself ready to eat said gifts when Tim came in to find him.

Tim: Alright, time for a shower.
Kirk: But I gotta eat.
Tim: You just ATE lunch.
Kirk: But...I gotta eat.
Tim: Shower!

It was pretty funny.

When he got back it was time for second lunch and BTTF2. Which just takes BTTF to a new level. Marty gets to see his father punch out Biff (whereas before he was stuck in a trunk and arrived on the scene just after the punch). Future old Biffs are unmaking themselves. Alternate, evil 1985? It's a party.

Again Kirk was all over the score. All over quotes. Which I'm pretty convinced takes less cognitive ability than regular conversation. So we might be artificially boosting Kirk's personality with these movies? Call it denial maybe, but hearing him laugh and quote movies is The Best. Expect a lot of it when you visit.

Shortly after the movie we had to get goin to meet Jenny at the house. We're gonna be booked up this weekend, which will be awesome. Jenny, Paul, Devon, Nick, Courtney, Beavis, Illy, Butter, Brett...am I forgetting anyone? Do let me know if I am. Anyway, plenty of beds/couches/air mattresses. If you're driving up, toss an extra blanket/pillow in the car. We've totally got A LOT, but I haven't counted them and don't want to run out.

Can't wait to see you guys!

-John

Kirk Update - 10.14.08

2008-10-15T01:46:00.000-04:00

Good evening!

Unfortunately, Njicki could only spend about 16 hours here with us before needing to get to Tallahassee. That's okay, because she'll be back up on Sunday/Monday on her way to Pennsylvania. So I saw her off, had some lunch and headed to Kirk's.

He was standing in the kitchen when I came in. Something I'm now told that he's not supposed to do. So whereas we were taking him for walks and putting him on skateboards, now we're keeping him off his feet as much as possible. *shrug*

Tiffany and her bf Roffelle (I hope I'm spelling that right) were also at the house all afternoon. They are hilarious and adorable together. I nearly barfed when I saw them dancing in the kitchen. (Now I know why Jenny nearly barfs when she sees Kristina and me dance, heh.)

I don't know how to describe it, but Kirk was even more "with it" today, but without speaking. He's become very much the quiet master. His sentences are very efficient. And he is saying a lot more with his eyes...sort of with his alertness...but without words. A lot of eyebrow work maybe? But then he'll go and say a lot all at once. No idea.

We watched Teen Wolf. MJF was bustin his ass in 1985. BTTF, Teen Wolf and Family Ties? I'm pretty sure he didn't sleep. Of course we know every line in the movie. Kirk and I spent most of the time discussing small details like how the guy in the 'basketball dunking' wolf costume looks nothing like MJF in his...and also the person zipping up their fly at the beginning of the credits (yep, it's there).

We laughed quite a bit. Sang "Way to Go", "Win in the End", "Shooting for the Moon" and plenty of the score. Kirk's right on top of music and tapping his feet on the beat. I've been monitoring it.

And of course the mantra of Coach Bobby Finstock:
1. Never get less than 12 hours sleep.
2. Never play cards with a guy that has the same first name as a city.
3. Never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.
"Stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese."
Then Men In Tights was on TV so we watched the last hour or so of that. Laughed more at the bold-faced, retarded comedy. "Feygeles?"

Absolutely nothing getting worse. Some things getting better. Though I'll admit that every day I stand at the front door, waiting to be let in, and get really nervous. Like something would be different or wrong with him. But...so far so good.

Tomorrow is Diana and me. We've planned a screening of BTTF2. Just can't get enough of that MJF!

-John

Kirk Update - 10.12.08

2008-10-13T00:18:00.000-04:00

Hello! Today, let's see...

Today it was Kristina, Devon, Tim, Dominic (friend from high school) and me at the house. Pretty low and lazy compared to the past couple of days. Which is probably a good thing.

We brought pizzas for lunch and kicked off a Val Kilmer Double Feature with Real Genius. Since TWO OF YOU have brought it up let me say this now: Yes, certainly The Saint is a fine movie (give or take how you feel personally about Elizabeth Shue) and we would have probably included it over Willow. I also like to put Ghost and The Darkness and Island of Dr. Moreau together.

I was downstairs for most of Real Genius while keeping an eye on the Falcons upstairs with Tim. Did you see the end of that game? MATT. RYAN.
Then it was time for Willow. Things were good. Kirk grabbed a stack of new dvds Tim brought up and picked at the wrapper until he could get it open. Once he did, he took the little black security tag off from inside and started chewing on it. The boy's gonna choke to death before anything else happens. Sadly I can hardly blame him since I've done the same myself. I have absolutely no idea why.

I also tried to get Kirk up and on his feet between movies. On account of I thought we were supposed to do that. Kirk was reluctant and instead let me sit him up on the edge of the couch so he could better reach the tray of chips/salsa his mother put out for us (which he promptly destroyed). Come to find out Tim thinks Kirk's foot was swollen because he had been walking around on it and Deborah thinks he needs to get put on it to make the swelling go down. They can figure out that hot mess from now on.

Believe it or not, that was about 5+ hours of visiting. Kirk's still doing good, same as he has been recently. But again, no news is good news concerning his condition at this point. I'll take 'slow but pretty with it' over what his doctors are anticipating.

I got in contact with Courtney. A friend of Kirk's from highschool. She's coming on Friday. We're gonna have Paul coming in sometime this coming weekend. Jenny is coming Wednesday now instead of tomorrow on account of work. Njicki will be through town tomorrow and then back through again this weekend. Nick is coming this weekend. Gonna be some more awesome company. Make your reservations at El Casa de Jarvis soon. = )

This is the first night in over a week that I haven't had someone sleeping at the house. Thanks to everyone who's come to visit. It's been fun being back in contact with you after so many years. Some day we'll have to have some kind of ...I dunno... FSU Class of Awesome Fun Kids Reunion Super Party Weekend. When there's no bad news, everything's awesome and I've got too much beer in my fridge. Love you kids.

-John

Kirk Update - 10.11.08

2008-10-12T01:51:00.000-04:00

Well call me Uncle Jessie, cause today shonuff was a full house. Sans any cars in the kitchen.

We got ramblin this morning with Butter, Devon, Sampson and me. We were shortly met at Kirk's by Lori, Erin and Campbell. We were then all introduced to a variety of Tim's family including his parents. Remarkably, with the way the Lawrence house is designed, everyone is pretty much able to hang out together in the large living/kitchen area. With the exception of everyone watching football upstairs in Tim's 'Man Room'. The 'Man Room' consists primarily of a new hdtv, a handful of chairs and an exercise bike. If he gets a mini fridge up there he's gonna be set.

We brought the enormous lasagna my mother prepared for lunch. It was well received (especially by Kirk as you know by now). As well as were the cinnamon rolls and variety of side dishes from Mrs. Winners brought by Lori, Erin and Campbell.

I've noticed Kirk tends to revert to the gameboy when there's many people in the house. Or rather, the two times we've had many people, he's done that. Bionic Commando again. A lot. I've never disliked the music or anything, but we're well-acquainted again. He's still playing pretty well. Reaching the second/third stages and then hurling himself into a pit (or water..cmon, WATER) and dying instantly. Tragically that's how that game does you.

He backed off with the game once we started watching Clue. An absolute gem. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking it up. It's superbly quotable and, as was the trend this week, Kirk was tossing out quotes right on cue. I've started to question whether or not these quotes are an intentional act or some kind of learned response. I mean, I know if you walked in a room and said "Oh, hello John" there's no way I'm not going to do the ENTIRE Mr. DNA scene from Jurassic Park. I would do it in my sleep. Kirk's much more vocal about quoting movies or laughing about movies than he is in any conversation. Just something you'll notice when you're in the room with him.

Oklahoma lost! Yay!
Vanderbilt lost! Boo!
Kentucky lost! Boo!
Georgia won...but not by enough. But hey, if they win their games, they're golden, right?

Then we put in Spaceballs. I was sorry that Steve and Beavis weren't both here. The two guys I know that could each perform the entire movie as a one-man stage play. Of course every line in a Mel Brooks movie is a joke and Kirk was all over them as well. Singing the theme even. Hitting the triple 'pew, pew, pew' in the theme (if you know what I'm talking about).

So I'd say he's been pretty consistent all week about recalling absolutely everything. I haven't seen him not know something or not recognize something. He took a phone call from Katie Rask and was pretty on top of things. Talking more than I've seen previously on the phone. But it's hard to get conversational timing with him on the phone. You can say something and suspect he didn't hear you because he's taking forever and a day to respond. Just that super slo-mo deal. He's there, but the words don't come out fast. Again, unless he's quoting a movie and it comes out clear as a bell and right on time. What a weirdo.

After Spaceballs and tidying up after ourselves a bit it was time for Sampson to get to the airport. We all decided we should follow her and dipped out. Sampson returned to Boston, Butter returned to Columbus, and Lori and The Jacksonville Welcoming Committee are staying in Macon. So it's just Devon with us tonight, but I've picked up Tim, Kirk's friend from highschool, and it's lookin like a Val Kilmer double feature tomorrow: Willow/Real Genius. Fair warning, Liz. If you leave now you can make it in time to watch both. ; )

Another good day. I'm very pleased about that. My plan is to keep pumping this kid full of food and love (hmm, pumping full of love?) until the cancer says otherwise. We've got a pretty star-studded guest list this week. Not least of all is Paul back from the desert! Everyone keep keep me posted on your plans and I'll keep washing bed sheets. Let's keep this love train cruisin.

Nite.

-John

Kirk Update - 10.10.08

2008-10-11T02:55:00.000-04:00

Hello, again. And welcome to the 3:30am Kirk Daily Update. (Sleep is for girl babies.)

Had another fun day today. Which makes these emails progressively shorter and shorter. We pretty much literally do the same thing each day. But we're definitely in a "no news is freaking fantastic news" situation.

We brought subs for lunch. Of course Kirk inhaled it. With a buncha Doritos. Tiffany did her best to steal bites on account of "the baby wants some bacon". They're adorable together. They sing! Both Tiffany and Kirk are very drawn to music and sing when they're happy. Very cute.

Oh, he ate the subs AFTER plowing through all the brownies! Hope's care package arrived from a variety of sources. Thanks so much everyone! The half a brownie I snatched was delicious. Kirk polished off like dozens of them. And played with the batman toys. I also dressed him up in the scarf. A fun time was had by all. = )

Tiffany had busted out some glow-in-the-dark puzzles. She started a moderate, I dunno 500 piece (?), puzzle and retired for a nap. During today's screening of Ghostbusters Devon and I worked out most of the puzzle. Kirk was at the table as well watching the movie and throwing out lines and laughing. As we approached the last 20+ pieces of the puzzle, Kirk jumped in and finished it. The kid surprises me every day. Yesterday I would have said that he might not have been capable. Boom. He's awesome.

His older sister Nikki and her son Messiah came later in the afternoon. Deborah and Tim welcomed the time with their grandson. Tim and Messiah played with Kirk's batman toys on the table. Later Deborah let Messiah help her cook dinner. They're pretty adorable too.

Not long after Sampson arrived, it was time to leave. We'll get her, Devon, Butter (Sally) and me over there again to meet up with Lori, Campbell and Erin. Gonna be another pretty packed day. Especially with Tim's family staying there now. It's the best having all of you up here. I know it's doing such good things for Kirk. And honestly, for me too. Love train! Woo! Woo!

Catch you kids later.

-John

PS - Anyone heard from Beavis/Illy? I've left messages on Beavis' cell, but haven't heard from him. ???

Kirk Update - 10.9.08

2008-10-10T11:44:00.001-04:00

Again, sorry I'm late on this. Most of you have told me how much you hang on every word of these updates since it's your only contact with Kirk.

Let's see, we had quite a few yesterday. Butter and Amanda came over to the house and joined Pura and Steve. We all rolled over there and met with Kimberly who had already arrived. Then Devon showed up in the afternoon.

We cooked three frozen pizzas. Kirk, once again, didn't reject any food whatsoever. He's a machine. He'll also sit there and suck every last drop of drink out of his cup. Then eat the straw. Yeah, you really gotta watch what he puts in his mouth. Be it the tail of a toy dinosaur or a water bottle cap. He'll eat it.

We watched a Bill & Ted double feature. I still say those movies are awesome. Some would disagree.

Then we watched most of Flash Gordon. I say most because we really didn't intend to watch any of it. Kirk put it on pretty late in the afternoon. He watched some special features. Then he watched the ending...then he backed up and watch a little before the ending AND the ending. Then backed it up some more. Very strange boy. But I don't think that's the cancer. I've seen him watch movies out of sequence before.

Then we snacked on chips we had brought and AAAALL the cookies sent to the Lawrence house from well-wishers. I'm gonna gain 10 pounds lookin after this kid. OH, and Kirk's mom freaked out about the chocolate pound cake Butter made. Well, I'm told her grandmother made it. Still, I don't expect to see much of that left when we arrive today. Haha.

Kirk's still in good shape. I don't mean to make anyone's expectations unrealistic. There is certainly a terrible cancer killing brains cells every day, but somehow Kirk is beating it. Or atleast dodging it. Still walking, still talking, still eating. Doing everything his doctors say he shouldn't be able to do. One day he won't be able to keep it up, I'm sure. And he'll be a different Kirk. Which will be very sad. But until then, we need to go in there day-to-day and hope for the best and expect the worst. On a brighter note, everyone that's visited him has said "You know, I was expecting him to be in a lot worse shape." Which is totally true. He's hangin in there (insert Natalie's cat poster).

So come one, come all. I've got an air mattress for ya.

-John

Kirk Update - 10.8.07

2008-10-09T01:55:00.000-04:00

Greetings all! It makes me happy to be able to add new names to The List every day. With each one I know I'm closer to not leaving someone out. Also, I hope Tess is receiving this...I've got a handfull of addresses for her now. = )
I don't mean to be boring, but we had another awesome day with Kirk. Just Diana, Andrew and myself today. The calm before the love storm coming tomorrow through Sunday.

We've been pretty consistent about getting over there by around noon. I want to give Kirk and Tim plenty of time in the morning to get through their morning routine. We brought Zaxby's today. Kirk made short work of the half of his chicken finger meal I put on a plate for him. I looked over and he was scraping a plastic fork around the little tub of sauce trying to get every little drop. I rolled my eyes and gave him the second half of the meal. FYI, Liz confirmed with her mother that one of the meds he's still on is likely causing him to want so much food. So probably not hypothalamus damage as I had previously suspected (thanks Professor Glendening and your Brain and Behavior class!).

We put Back to the Future in today. AKA My Most Favorite Movie Of All Time. I had really been looking forward to watching it with Kirk and my siblings. We were all over it. Kirk especially. While Diana, Andrew and I discussed the complexities of time travel and the rich detail of the Hill Valley universe, Kirk was preempting lines and making sound effects for actors' facial expressions. And laughing lots. I know I've mentioned it before, but the laughing is the best part of my day lately. Don't worry, Marty made it back to 1985. It was really close, but he did it.

Diana left to get her schoolwork finished for tomorrow while we gents watched the end of The Abyss. Kirk knew the character names before they were mentioned which was excellent. Sort of a downer movie though...I mean, everything's awesome in the end, but people are dying or almost dying or being left for dead in the cold dark depths of the ocean. So...I guess I'll be a little more mindful of what we watch. Mayhaps Ghostbusters II or Harlem Nights tomorrow? We'll see.

So everything that was good before is still good and getting better. He's getting up off the couch by himself pretty regularly. Speaking a fair bit and has never dozed off while we're there. Which is amazing since we're usually there for like 6+ hours. Paralyzed, my ass.

The blog and Flickr pages are up! kirklawrence.blogspot.com Everyone be sure to thank Joe for taking lead on that one. For now you can find all the previous Kirk Updates, but I think it would be cool if people blogged (or submitted to be blogged) their own accounts of their visits with Kirk, well wishes, etc. Also, thanks everyone for the Flickr pictures. I have some new ones from you guys plus my own digital stash to get uploaded. I have older pictures, but I need to find time to scan them. I think these will be very cathartic projects for all of us, but maybe especially for those that can't make it up to see Kirk.

I hear word that the Tallahassee Roller Girls have shown an interest in visiting us in sunny Atlanta. I must say, I get in (pretend) trouble with Mrs. Lawrence every other minute at their house. Usually for bringing over too much food or having a beard or letting her son ride a skateboard. I'd love to see her face if I escorted two dozen beautiful, rough and tumble, skater girls into her house. Seriously, I think it would be fun as hell. I've suggested not this weekend but next weekend? Think on it, ladies.

Well, I'm to bed. Miss Sally "Butter" Neuman, Amanda and Kimberly arrive in 6.5 hours. Then Devon later in the afternoon. Also we received Steve and Pura a little while ago. Tomorrow is gonna be fun.

-John

Adding updates

2008-10-08T07:43:00.004-04:00

John has asked me to add his email updates, both past and ongoing. I'm going to try to backdate them to when they were originally sent, but if I can't, they'll show up after this post. (EDIT: Backdating seems to have worked. Scroll down to catch up.) The updates by John have "-John" at the end of them.

I've added some more pics to the Kirk Flickr page, including a good one sent by Jon Abbott (below). Thanks Jon, and keep 'em coming! If you want to add them yourself, I can give you the login info.

-Joe

Kirk Update - 10.7.08

2008-10-08T02:10:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone! (So many names! Most excellent. As always, everyone please look these names over and see who we're missing. Also my frozenmilk@aol and grimtess@aol addresses seem to be failing. Check on it for me?)

This morning we had Morgan, Emmy and Jerris over. No real changes to report with Kirk's condition. Which, don't get it twisted, is FANTASTIC news. He was as responsive as ever and recognized everyone as instantly as he has all weekend.

As far as being talkative, he was slightly different. Yesterday he was sorta super talkative with the greetings and tapered off toward the end of the day. Today he was less talkative when we arrived, but had more to say more often with little tapering. About the same average though. I just want to be as specific as I can when discussing "what he's like". Since I see him every day I think I can convey trends and larger tendencies. I'll try to anyway.

No gameboy today. Married with Children when we got there. Then Kickboxer. A movie which I forgot was so retarded. I would have said that it was pretty on par with Bloodsport. No sir. We made fun and had a good time with that.

Then hotdog lunch. The kid is still pounding food. I'm starting to wonder if the hunger control part of his brain (hypothalamus?) has suffered damage and he'll just eat until he explodes if we let him.

Then we saw Goonies. I pulled down his Copper Bones replica I got him for his birthday. He tried to put it over his head and hang it around his neck but it couldn't make it over his swelled head. Heartbreaking. BUT, Kirk was there line for line with the movie and singing/tapping feet with the soundtrack and score. Like really on top of everything. Laughing and reminiscing with us. It's one of my all time favorite movies and Kirk's as well. Which reminds me, I think BTTF is on for tomorrow. Especially if Diana comes and Tiffany is off work. But we'll see.

He seems to be in very little pain. Not many nerves in the brain to feel pain. He can get minor headaches and his left foot is tending to swell along with his head. I think the foot swelling can be from being so idle. We'll maybe try to take him for a walk sometime this week. Cause he's definitely walking better and better. And standing up from the couch to go to the bathroom completely unassisted. Which, I forgot, is an improvement over yesterday.

He was in the bathroom for literally an hour. I don't know if he fell asleep in there or what. Or if the lack of both bowel control and some motor function makes it super difficult to go to the bathroom. We sent Tim to check on him multiple times, but everything was fine. Just took forever.

Then we took off and got Emmy and Jerris on the road. A semi-uneventful day, but I'll take it. Handful of laughs with friends over movies. Which is probably exactly how I would have designed these days even if I had a choice.

Joe is working on a new blog/flickr page for Kirk. On the blog you'll be able to catch up on past Daily Updates. I'm going to see if I can get Deborah or Tim to write something to all of you. I can scan some letters from Kirk's doctors for you guys to read. Things like that. As far as the Flickr page, just keep emailing me pictures you have of Kirk. I know I've enjoyed seeing the ones I've received so far. Links to both these pages to come. Likely tomorrow.

If you thought last weekend was a lot of folks, this weekend is gonna be awesome. Starting Thursday and running through Sunday. For those of you coming, let me know when you plan on leaving! I am ABSOLUTELY NOT throwing you out, I'm just curious and trying to build a spreadsheet of who's at the house and when. Also, I'd suggest that anyone driving toss a blanket or two and a pillow in your car before you come. We've got many many here, but the weather is getting cooler and I'd hate to have you guys laying around at night with too few blankets. But come on with it, we're gonna have fun. = )

I think that's it for today. Especially since I can't seem to get these off before 3am. I think the lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me. Not hard days...but medium-hard. And I could probably stand to not let them stack up on me, heh.

Goodnight all, and I can't wait to see all of you when you come.

-John

Here's the deal

2008-10-07T08:10:00.003-04:00

Hey everybody, here is a summary of the the situation as I understand it.

In early September, we learned that Kirk's doctors found a new tumor in his brain. It was much deeper than the others and was deemed inoperable, but they were going to try some different, non-invasive techniques to see what they could do. About a month later, Kirk's parents decided the doctors had done everything they could do, so they took him out of the Mayo Clinic up to their home in Lithia Springs (just west of Atlanta) to ride it out till the end.

So Kirk's at home now, among family and friends. His parents are able to look after him now, but they're investigating hospice options for the time when Kirk can't stand up on his own anymore. He loves having visitors, but he's lost some responsiveness and functionality, and he gets tired pretty fast. He has been showing some improvement in the short term as he comes off the last round of chemo, but no one knows how much longer he'll be around. The doctors are amazed he can still even walk and talk at this point, because the cancer has already separated the parts of his brain that are supposed to handle those functions.

His mom told me she was checking in on him a few weeks back and saw he'd been crying. She asked him what was wrong, and he said, "I'm tired, mom." She says Kirk has made his peace with what's going on. I've been trying to make peace with it too, but damn it's hard. Anyone who can make the trek to visit him, please do so, and keep the Lawrence family in your prayers for the road ahead.

This blog and a corresponding Flickr account are open to anyone who wants to contribute — updates, photos, memories, whatever. Just email me and I'll add you as an editor.

Oh!

2008-10-07T01:38:00.000-04:00

So...I also need to add that I've reconsidered all "spread the love" staggering of the visits. I had sorta thought we would need to do that if Kirk wasn't responding well to having so many people around him at once. But honestly he's fine with it so so am I. Any time you can make it to see him is an excellent time to do so.

Okay, that's it. Get ye to Atlanta!

-John

Kirk Update - 10.6.08

2008-10-07T01:34:00.000-04:00

So many new names with us! As always, everyone take a look at the CCs and check to make sure that everyone that should see these emails is in there.

Well, another fantastic day at the Lawrence house. This morning we had Morgan, Liz and Diana over. Kirk was even more talkative with his greetings. Truth be told the first 5 minutes of the day and anytime he laughs are my favorite. As far as talking, he gets progressively less and less talkative through the day, but I'd say he started really really well and slowed down to about where he was yesterday.

We had stopped at Publix for sammich meat, etc to take over for lunch. Kirk killed a sammich, Veggie Bootie snacks, chips, grapes, macaroni salad and would have kept eating and drinking juice had we let him. Pretty good sign.

We popped in, at Liz's request, the AMAZINGLY inappropriate Chipmunks Movie. A movie I love...but seriously, watch it and count all the too-sexy, little girl chipmunk up-skirts and panty shots. I quote "Tell me what I need to do to get lucky with you." We laughed a good bit.

Then we watched Coming to America. I might put this one back into rotation some time. Kirk LOVED watching it. Was laughing in every scene. I was very glad to see that he knew the jokes. Little funny Eddie Murphy facial expressions, little non-jokes, musical cues. He was all over it. Tapping his foot in time with the royal limo cadence (if you're familiar with the movie). You REALLY gotta hear him laugh. It makes you feel so much better about everything.

Fewer specifics to report. But I would say we're still improving every day. Again, I'm sure it has to do with being off his medications and receiving the such a non-stop love train from all of you.

I've had so many requests for his address for mailing cards and care packages. I wanted to make sure everyone had it:
1820 Bailey Lane
Lithia Springs, GA 30122

Nick sent Kirk a video greeting which I thought was a great idea. Kirk's computer is being an asshole, but I can bring over a laptop and play the videos for him. I'm sure he'd enjoy anything you guys want to send.

Let's see, other projects. Joe has suggested we blog all these emails, pictures and skateboard videos. Yes, for those of you who haven't received previous emails, Kirk was on a skateboard yesterday. I got in a little bit of pretend trouble with Kirk's mom. Video to be posted soon at kirklawrence.blogspot.com if Joe has time to set that up this week. And of course I'm gonna need to get a copy of the file from Liz. = ) Maybe you guys could email me some pics you might have of Kirk and we could post all of them as well? Let's see what we can do about that.

Again, especially for the new additions, let me again offer our house in Marietta to anyone that can figure out how to find the time to be here. We can shuttle you around and get you to Kirk's house for some hangin out. Hit me up at 850-559-8766 and we can work out the details. We've got Morgan, Emmy and Jerris here now. Steve and Pura to arrive tomorrow. WOO! WOO! Love train comin.

Thanks to everyone that's made it out so far, and everyone that's planning on being here soon. And to everyone else sending such positive support to Kirk. It's really awesome. I know I'm working hard to keep everyone informed, but it doesn't require the time off from work, travel and such that it does you guys to get out here. I really appreciate it and of course so does Kirk and his family. His mother is positive that our presence is doing wonders for Kirk's health and quality of life.

Until tomorrow my bruthas and sistahs. Call/email me anytime you have any questions or concerns and I'll do my best to get back to you soon.

-John

Kirk Update - 10.5.08

2008-10-05T20:29:00.001-04:00

REALLY really good day today! Seriously, so far each day he's been twice as good as the day before. I attribute it to plenty of sleep, being off meds and the totally excellent company he's had the past few days.
We got out as early as we could get people rollin this morning. We stopped for 3 dozen doughnuts and a box of coffee on the way to meet Dan and his twin brother Dave (reebok circa 1992? yeah, I know) at Kirk's house. I hadn't met Dave before, but he's definitely a cool guy. Also very good to see Dan again. Been a while.

Kirk was up to greet everyone shortly after we arrived. SO much more talkative today. Not to say that he's much for talking, but definitely twice as much as yesterday. Much more participatory with visitors. And LAUGHING which was so awesome for everyone to see.

We were there for like 8 hours. It flew by. Kirk was up for the entire day. OMG, get this! So Kirk's dad gets him up to take him outside. Get some sunshine, etc. So some of us follow them out. Liz finds Kirk's old skateboard propped up against the garage wall. We discuss how she'd bust ass in the driveway if she stepped on it, etc. After a few minutes Tim asks if Kirk's about ready to go in. He say "yeah. just a second." Kirk walks straight over to the skateboard...i shit you not...and puts it down on the driveway. Then Tim and I, in our great wisdom, drag him around and down the driveway. Pretty awesome. Firstly because Kirk was having fun, but also definitely cool to see him with balance and get his body a little work out.

To say the least I got in trouble with Deborah. (not really, she was super pleased to know he was having a good time and will probably cherish the video Liz took of it 4ever)

Then we sat around and talked about nothing/everything for hours. I found out I'm better at Biff/Griff/MadDog Tannen impressions than I should be. Much to the amusement of Kirk. It was a very fun day.

Find more people for this list! PLEASE! I'm not passing out yet, so I'm gonna get on Facebook/MySpace. Most Wanted:
* Pura's current cell number
* Beavis's current email address
* Tim and Courtney from Kirk's highschool

Till tomorrow!

-John

Kirk Update - 10.4.08

2008-10-04T21:12:00.000-04:00

Hello! And a hearty welcome to the new members of The List. (Look over the addresses and help me find people who aren't on it!)

Today was a very satisfying day. Kirk was loads better than he was last night. I think the drive from Jacksonville sorta zonked him a little. Kristina and I took Joe, Bradley (and baby Wash) and Liz over to the house. Kirk recognized everyone instantly, greeted everyone very softly but not without personality. He stayed seated most of the 2 or so hours we were there (other than to get up to be taken to the bathroom). After greetings and hugs things were mostly quiet from him, but he stayed generally attentive with his eyes when you were speaking. I think this improvement was due to a great deal of sleep he got the night before.
Also, he was playing his game boy most of the time. I was certainly excited to see that his hands, while a little shaky, were able to hold the gameboy and hit buttons. Now, I admit, I was a little skeptical about how well he might have been playing Bionic Commando. I took a moment to watch him play over his shoulder and was more than pleased to see that he was being successful at playing and making coordinated jump/attack combinations. I'm no doctor but...and those of you that know the 8-bit Bionic Commando can agree with me here...that it's a pretty rough game and requires some delicate timing and coordination. So videogames are my best guess as to the current condition of his brain. I should write a paper.

We were there for a good while, but greetings, Liz's cookies and gameboy were pretty much what went down. Other than, of course, Mr. Wash Vinson. Mrs. Lawrence could not put him down. He is 100% freaking awesome and brought nothing but laughter with him to a household that hasn't seen much of it lately. So if any of you visitors can manage to bring a 1 year old with you, I recommend it.

So we talked about Kirk's reduction in medication. Deborah showed me some letters from Kirk's doctors. Most of them just giving a final analysis of Kirk's condition and what they were hoping would happen, best of luck, etc. Essentially why Kirk's not seeing them anymore is because science and medicine have done all they can or know how to do and it's not working. They were hoping they could possibly slow the spread of the disease down long enough for the brain tissue to heal behind it. This just isn't going to happen. The cancer is not slowing and is spreading deeper into his head.

Most interesting, however, is how surprised his doctors are at his capabilities. One is POSITIVE that he shouldn't be able to walk. He points out that the part of the brain responsible for walking is completely severed from the parts of the brain responsible for moving his legs. Other doctors don't know why he's not paralyzed (which may still happen). More doctors still convey similar thoughts about his speech, etc. I have a couple hypotheses. 1. The doctors are the best we've got but not good enough and are just wrong about his brain. or 2. Kirk's brain has circumnavigated its damaged portions and relearned to fire the walking synapses through different channels. Both certainly possible IMO.

Also, I should bring this up. Kirk is a big dude. And carrying him around the house (to the bathroom, to 'change' him, to bed) is physically exhausting his already emotionally exhausted parents. THUS, I've given them my opinion that he should be in some kind of hospice where he can get the 24/7 hands-on attention he needs. I dunno how you all feel about that, but I'd certainly like your input if you've had any experience with something like that.

Okay, so for those of you who might not have it, here's my contact info:
Cell - 850-559-8766
Address - 3096 Gant Quarters Way, Marietta GA 30068

If you're at all curious about "when should I come" I would say that any time you can is a good time. I know (and Kirk knows) that people have other things going on and might not be able to just up and leave for Atlanta. But when you can just hit me up and we'll take care of picking up from the airport, beds (or possibly couches) and timing when to see Kirk between resting.

Peace my bruthas and sistahs,

-John

Oh PS! Pura's cell number?!? I thought I had it but I found out today that the "Pura Cell" in my phone is an 850 number. BOO! Help!

Kirk - 10.4.08

2008-10-04T01:11:00.000-04:00

I should just start putting the time instead of the date on these updates.

WELL, I took food over to the Lawrences. Hung out with Deborah and Tiffany (Kirk's younger sister by two years). Tiffany is 4 months pregnant! So congratulations to her and her bf Roffelle (pronounced like Raphael). Tiff and I did our best to keep her mom together. She's very fragile these days as you might imagine. I pity the first person at the hospice that gets in her way.

Anyway, Kirk and Tim arrived late. 9ish? Kirk walked in relatively unassisted. Everything is in super slow-mo with him now. Recognized Tiffany and I with a very quiet "hey John...hey Tiff". Hugs and bites on the shoulder for both of us. Though this was the end of dialogue from him all night.

We walked him to his parents room where he'll be sleeping (it's on the first floor) and Tim took him to get him changed. Bowel control is right out at this point so it's diapers for Kirk. (I'm sure he'd be so pleased to know the details I'm not keeping from you, heh.) Then he came out and sat at the table. Fed himself mash potatoes and baked beans with a spoon and drank cranberry juice from a straw. SO so so much better than I was expecting.

It was very relieving to see him. Especially to hug him and be in contact with him which is really how you can tell that he's in there inside his massive, swelled-up head. Otherwise he'll look at you, or whoever's talking. But responses are almost strictly non-verbal and extremely subtle. After his bit of dinner it was off to bed and he was out like a light.

His doctors have all called Mrs. Lawrence and essentially expressed their condolences. They know the only thing they can do with Kirk (and not really FOR him) is research on what medicine is failing at this late, fast-deteriorating stage. Since he'll be off the chemo, I'm hoping he'll get a little less slow/tired and might be a little more responsive. Time will tell. He's still definitely on anti-seizure since a seizure at this point could be fatal. As well as anti-inflammatory to try to assist with his brain swelling. But that's about it I think.

After tonight I'm pretty convinced that everyone that can make it up to see him should start making arrangements. Joe and Bradley (and baby Wash) are already here and Liz will arrive tomorrow morning. Steve is considering early next week. And Kevin mentioned possibly coming up through Tallahassee to pick up anyone who can come. Dan will be through town on Sunday morning. I encourage carpooling, but also an attempt at staggering visits maybe. I don't think there will be a TON of hanging out. Maybe if he's up to watching movies soon that might be cool? We'll see. I suspect our visits this weekend may be fairly brief.

Anyway, I'm pleased having seen Kirk and rubbed his little mini-fro (totally has one in the back). I explained to his mother that people coming to visit is partly for Kirk's benefit, but also for your own benefit as well. It's been a lot of bad news recently and I think you guys should really want to get in a good fro rub of your own. She says her doors are always open to us. I told her watch out cause there's dozens of us.

So again, relevant info:

John's Cell: 850-559-8766
John's Address: 3096 Gant Quarters Way, Marietta GA 30068
Tim and Deborah's Address: 1820 Bailey Lane, Lithia Springs GA 30122

Give me a heads up and we'll make visit plans.

-John

Re: Bad News from Kirk's Mother - 10.3.08

2008-10-03T13:17:00.000-04:00

This just in.

I've JUST received a second call from Deborah. She was certainly upset. So upset if she hadn't already left work I was going to go pick her up.

Things are sliding from bad to worse fairly rapidly. Kirk is in the car with Tim on the way up from Jacksonville. They'll be in Atlanta tonight. There is some question as to whether or not Kirk will spend the night at the house or go straight to the hospice.

Anyway, if you have the means under the shortest notice ever, everyone is welcome to come up. Please, please don't hesistate if you think you can make it. I think dinner plans are on for tonight instead. I'm just gonna try to come up with a bunch of something that will keep for a few days in a fridge. Though I don't see them wanting to eat much.

So, bad news then worse news in your inbox today. Also, I know there's still people not on this email list. Emmy/Jerris? Beavis/Illy? Prolly more than a few people in Tallahassee I don't even know that well. So if you can get this out to anyone you don't see listed, please forward it along and let them know I've got no problems with housing straight-up strangers. Thanks, everybody.

-John

Bad News from Kirk's Mother - 10.3.08

2008-10-03T12:44:00.000-04:00

Hello Everyone,

I've just received a call from Mrs. Lawrence. Literally the first time I've heard from her in weeks. She didn't really want to call and discuss any of it because things are not good. At all.

Kirk is alive for now. But Tim was recently in an argument with the Mayo clinic and has refused to subject Kirk to any further treatments. He is now at home with his family. I'm told that Kirk isn't much there and having problems with regular brain functions. Even walking or getting dressed are no longer possible. When he needs it, they plan to take him to a Wellstar (hospice of sorts) to be as comfortable as he can be.

So...not good.

I'm going to start making phone calls now...I'd rather hear bad news from a person than an email. Before I do let me once again extend an invitation to everyone to come stay at our house in Marietta. We have beds/couches/air mattresses aplenty and can accomodate anyone that can make it up to see Kirk. I'll be going over there tomorrow night with dinner of some kind for them.

3096 Gant Quarters Way
Marietta GA 30068

I'm available if anyone wants to call as well: 850-559-8766

-John

Kirk Update - 9.22.08

2008-09-22T17:17:00.000-04:00

Greetings everyone,

I've gotten some emails and voicemails the past couple of days looking for an update on Kirk. Sorry that I haven't sent this out sooner, but honestly I've heard absolutely NOTHING from Kirk's mother. Her voicemail is 'full' and I don't know how else to contact her. I had asked that she call me with any news, but I'm sure she is more than a little stressed with working in Marietta and driving to Jacksonville when she can.

That being said, I believe Jacksonville is where Kirk is at the moment. He was looking into treatment at Emory in Atlanta, but in the end they decided that they should stick with his doctors in Jacksonville. I haven't been able to reach anyone to find out about visitation, etc. I think the doctors' plan is to try and do something and see what works or shows any improvement and keep modifying their strategy as they go. I don't think any of them are sure about much at the moment, but Deborah has heard "it doesn't look good' from many of them.

When things look grim I take a great deal of comfort in the fallibility and inaccuracy of our oncologists and cancer medicine. Which sounds like a very pessimistic way of taking comfort, I know. Maybe we'll call it comfort in the acceleration of cancer treatments. We generally seem to know much more today than we did yesterday whether or not what we know is much at all.

I think most of you were there in the summer of 2004 when this hot mess started (and for those of you who weren't I've got some pictures of Kirk's dreadlocks to show you). At the time of the surgery his doctors gave Kirk an expiration date of 12 months. Of course that was not the first expiration date I've seen Kirk blatantly ignore (ba dum, ching). I remember sitting in the waiting room with Deborah and telling her something to the effect of "These doctors are the same guys that not too long ago were putting leeches on people. I wouldn't put $1 on any date they tell you. I know they're working hard, but in the end they're only the best guessers we've got when it comes to this." Or as the 60 year old woman that cuts my hair most eloquently puts it "Ain't nobody know shit about shit when it comes to cancer."

My point being, that I'm glad they're doing everything they can for Kirk. The Mayo clinic down there is moving faster on the subject of cancer than most anyone else in the country. Possibly the world. And the stuff they get to try out on Kirk's young body, no one really has enough experience with to give any certain answers. Obviously things don't look awesome, but I don't think much of "it doesn't look good". It didn't look good 4 years ago either and that kid is still around. Walking straight lines unassisted and running his mouth when his doctors can't seem to figure out how he's doing it.

So, I've got a big ol' XL Kangol hanging on that and I invite you all to do the same. Hopefully I will have heard something...anything...soon. And you guys will know as soon as I do. Then we can all figure out when to get with Kirk and make with the hugs, sour patch kids and orange tic tacs. ; )

-John

Kirk and the New Cancer - 9.04.08

2008-09-04T19:09:00.000-04:00

Hello all! I wish I had a better reason to email most of the people I know.

I just spoke with Kirk's mom this morning. Kirk's doctors have found a new tumor in his brain. It would seem that this one is pretty ugly and much deeper than his previous one. So deep in fact that surgery is not an option. They are most assuredly scrambling now to decide how to proceed with medicine and non-invasive surgery techniques. Gamma knives and what have you.

He is back at home in Atlanta and I visited him this afternoon. He was in surprisingly high spirits when I got there. Still slow and tired from the meds, but about the same I would say as he's been the past couple of years. Big hugs, and a bite on neck when I arrived. His things from Tallahassee are still in a laundry basket by the front door so he was sorta all over the house getting dressed. And on an odd note, put shoes on like he was ready to leave the house. We'll see about that this weekend I hope.

So we watched the end of Chuck and Larry (bleh) and The Cable Guy (awesome). Kirk was awake for most of The Cable Guy, but fell asleep about 3/4 through. Who could blame him that part of the movie sucks, however, when he woke up he was really...I dunno...zonked out. Sorta staring at the TV, not responsive to much I was saying and didn't really do or say anything until I went and jumped on him and hugged him. Kinda sleepwalk-y.

So...that. I dunno what will come of this. But I wanted to make sure people found out. If you were to ask Kirk "everything's fine" Lawrence you'd never know.

If anyone is thinking about planning any visits to Atlanta, I wanted to offer up beds/couches at our house. Just give me some heads up and I'll make sure to clean some towels, etc:
3096 Gant Quarters Way
Marietta GA 30068

I'm positive that people who would want to know aren't on this email (anyone have Beavis' address?), so please pass it around and keep them in the loop. Or toss me their address and I'll put them on the list. I'll probably also get on board the Facebook machine and tell some folks that way as well..

If anyone has any pull with jesus, shiva, mohamed, zeus, jeebus or the flying spaghetti monster....let's get that goin.

-John