I totally forgot to send this story out to the email list...a couple of you have already heard it.
So, the week after the funeral I was hanging out with the Lawrences. Debbie answered the door in Kirk's robe. She was clearly still pretty upset, but she's getting by. Deb, Tim and I sat and talked for a long time about everything. Including how Kirk got to Louisville.
After Kirk passed in the hospice, he stayed in the room with us for a little while. But after that he gets moved to a local funeral home to be embalmed. The funeral home contacts Delta and reserves a casket slot on a plane capable of shipping organs/bodies. (I presume with temperature controlled luggage compartment? No idea.) Then, when the plane arrives in Louisville, the funeral home there is waiting to receive him and gussy him up for the viewing.
Or rather that's how it's supposed to happen...
Somehow someone wrote down that Kirk was to be shipped on that Tuesday. Not that his funeral was Tuesday and worse his viewing was Monday night. The Lawrences are already in Louisville when they find this out. Tim's ready to turn right around to go back and load Kirk in the back of the explorer. They get on the phone with the Atlanta funeral home, who still has him, and straighten everything out. However, there are no more available casket flights to Lousiville until after Tuesday.
I can only assume that a select few people have received The Thunder from Deb as they must have on the phone that day. Suffice it to say the funeral home called everyone they could call and did anything they could do to get Kirk to Kentucky. The solution they came up with was they could ship him to Lexington on Monday, and coordinated with a Lexington funeral home to receive him and drive him to Louisville. He got there in time, looked My-T Sharp, and no one was the wiser.
However the moral of the story, as Paul and I were quick to notice, is that even in his final hour...Kirk had to bum a ride off somebody. ; )
Hope you guys are doing well. No word on these babies yet, but party plans are coming together. I have a list of 'assignments' for you guys which I'll distribute when the time comes.
Oh! And our Tallahassee Roller Girls gave a tribute to Kirk recently at their first home bout. Congrats to them on their win. Pictures/video to come.
-John
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Relay for Life Tallahassee
Team Sho'nuff it is: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff. We'll be participating in the FSU Relay for Life, Friday, April 3, starting at 3:00pm, and walking through to April 4, 9:00am. The event will be held on campus at Mike Long Track.
To join the team: www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, click "Sign Up," then "Join a Team," and search for "Team Sho'nuff," and enter all the requested information. If you can't join the team but would like to donate, http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff.
If you are out of town and cannot make this event and want to walk, please visit www.relayforlife.org to participate in a local event.
Our goal will be to raise $1000. Once we have raised $250, we'll be able to choose a campsite for our team. We have a tent that fits two full-sized mattresses, so we can take naps during the relay.
I will work to make sure that we have coverage for the entire 18 hours -- we must have a team member on the track at all times. If we have 15 members who walk 30 minutes at a time, that's 2-3 shifts per person. More than enough walking for everyone that wants a piece.
As far as uniforms, we get event shirts when we register as part of the team. There are two special shirts available for Caregivers and Survivors, which can be requested during sign-up. We can decorate the shirts however we want (Diana: bedazzle 'til your heart's content). I've been telling everyone to wear camo shorts -- we're talking about Team Kirk here! I do love the idea of dressing as zombies... Kirk would have loved to see us all walking around the track all slow-like and bloodthirsty.
Also, from www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, luminaria can be purchased in Kirk's honor, in memory of loved ones we've lost, and in honor of our loved ones who've survived cancer. If you purchase a luminary, you can have a note written on it. These luminaria will be placed around the track and will light our way throughout the night.
I'll be attending a Captains Meeting on March 18. I'll pass along any additional information I find out then.
~Leslee
To join the team: www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, click "Sign Up," then "Join a Team," and search for "Team Sho'nuff," and enter all the requested information. If you can't join the team but would like to donate, http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff.
If you are out of town and cannot make this event and want to walk, please visit www.relayforlife.org to participate in a local event.
Our goal will be to raise $1000. Once we have raised $250, we'll be able to choose a campsite for our team. We have a tent that fits two full-sized mattresses, so we can take naps during the relay.
I will work to make sure that we have coverage for the entire 18 hours -- we must have a team member on the track at all times. If we have 15 members who walk 30 minutes at a time, that's 2-3 shifts per person. More than enough walking for everyone that wants a piece.
As far as uniforms, we get event shirts when we register as part of the team. There are two special shirts available for Caregivers and Survivors, which can be requested during sign-up. We can decorate the shirts however we want (Diana: bedazzle 'til your heart's content). I've been telling everyone to wear camo shorts -- we're talking about Team Kirk here! I do love the idea of dressing as zombies... Kirk would have loved to see us all walking around the track all slow-like and bloodthirsty.
Also, from www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, luminaria can be purchased in Kirk's honor, in memory of loved ones we've lost, and in honor of our loved ones who've survived cancer. If you purchase a luminary, you can have a note written on it. These luminaria will be placed around the track and will light our way throughout the night.
I'll be attending a Captains Meeting on March 18. I'll pass along any additional information I find out then.
~Leslee
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Kirk Memorial (Joe edition)
Part 1: Intro
When I lived in Landis my freshman year at FSU, Kirk was just a couple doors down and across the hall. We didn't get to know each other immediately; I tend to be introverted and nervous about meeting new people. Our first conversation was after this 3-East group activity where everyone wrote their favorite quote on some butcher paper hanging up near the bathrooms. I don't remember what my quote was (something by Tom Waits probably), but when I was done I turned around and Kirk was kind of peering at the board over the crowd, nodding at my choice. In retrospect, that was probably the perfect way for him to scope out unfamiliar people.
Landis has these great wide hallways that were conducive to social activity. I shared a room with a high school friend, Jonathan, and straight across the hall were Paul and Beavis, who were both from Pace. The unwritten rule was "leave your door open if you want to hang out," and Kirk would often be roaming the floor — if only to get away from his obnoxious, flatulent roommate whose name to this day I know only as "Poot."
I started joining in on some of the stuff Kirk, Paul and Beavis were doing: watching movies on the fifth floor, going down to the student union for shows, making midnight Walmart runs, etc. It became obvious that Kirk had this amazingly voluminous knowledge of film, and his enthusiasm was infectious. He reminded me of stuff I hadn't seen in years, reaffirmed my love for geeky classics, and introduced me to terrific indie and foreign fare. Around this time I started my DVD collection, and we'd go out and buy stuff to enjoy in widescreen: Dead Alive, Six-String Samurai, lots of Criterion titles. Kirk introduced me to the practice of making up lyrics for movie scores (e.g. Jurassic Park, RoboCop, plenty of others) and passed along such wonderful tidbits of movie knowledge, like which three 80s movies used "Send Me An Angel" in a montage. (Answer: RAD, The Wizard, and Teenwolf Too.)
When I started at FSU I had no idea what I was going to do after school. Within a year I knew: I wanna make movies with this guy.
Part 2: Film Aspirations
We both applied to the FSU film school, along with Morgan. The three of us logged some time volunteering on "filmmaker in residence" Andy Ruben's shitty vampire movie shoot, hoping he would remember us when selecting from the applicants. Morgan got accepted; Kirk and I did not.
So we kept plugging away at our respective majors, both of which were lame enough to allow for plenty of elective credits, and for a while it seemed like most of our classes were together: Japanese, Japanese calligraphy, (Hanging With) Dr. Cooper's film class, viola da gamba lessons. Afterwards we'd either walk back to Gilchrist or to my place at The Atrium to play videogames and watch TV. ("You kill-a da monkey, why did you kill-a da monkey?") Good times.
(Oh. One time, we were walking home from viola da gamba practice, and I told him that Boo and I had started dating. He said something like, "Hmm, yes, I approve," and made a little stamping motion with his hands. The rest is history.)
Even though I didn't get a degree in film, I always kind of figured that we would make it happen anyway. That somewhere down the line, if we kept writing and collecting equipment, we would eventually have the means to make the movies we always talked about, and all of us would get together and just do it. Now I'm at a point where that's almost feasible, but for what?
Part 3: In Absentia
When I was living in Japan, I still talked to Kirk via instant message whenever I had Internet access in the school's computer lab. We talked a lot about the movies that were coming out at the time. (I defended the Matrix sequels for a while, but after many in-depth conversations, I finally conceded.) Then I came back to Pensacola, got a job, and got murried. Every time I heard about a local job opening in video production (or anything really) I would try to convince him to move over here. But to no avail!
I didn't see Kirk too much after the Attack of the Cancer and our initial visit to the hospital. Like, we talked a ton via instant message, but there weren't many in-person visits. (For this reason, my Matrix residual mental image of him still has a full head of mini-dreads.) Also, I guess I dropped off the whole LiveJournal/MySpace/whatever scene, so I didn't keep up with his goings-on as well as I ought've.
Even though there was a lot going on in my own life at the time (kids, work, house, etc.) this will probably be a source of guilt for some time to come, Schindler-style. "I could have done more! I could have hung out more!" It is some consolation that he had plenty of friends and loved ones wherever he went. I just hope he realized how very much he meant to us all.
Part 4: Remembrance
Kirk was the best! Around! And nothing ever seemed to keep him down. The man had the good humor of a hundred ice cream men and the vitality of a hundred ninjas. Maybe that's why I never really suspected that the cancer might actually win, even though Kirk was beating the odds every single day.
We can just go ahead and retire the phrase, "it couldn't have happened to a nicer person," because it already did. The fact that the universe took Kirk over any of the rest of us chumps makes me want to punch it right in its stupid infinite face. It's not right; it's not fair! In the annals of ontology, in the volume about "why bad things happen to good people," there's bound to be a whole chapter on our boy Kirk.
Assorted things I miss, remember, and hope never to forget, about Kirk:
If I had a time machine, I would gladly go back and change things for Kirk -- paradoxes be damned. If I had some of Herbert West's re-agent, I would totally use it on Kirk -- even though I know better.
Kirk, remember: never say never at heaven's elevator door.
The rest of us, remember: be excellent to each other.
I raise a milkshake and a hearty bowl of sugary cereal to you, brother. Peace out. Peace out forever.
— Joe "Joey" ("Joe Joe") "Shabadoo" Vinson
When I lived in Landis my freshman year at FSU, Kirk was just a couple doors down and across the hall. We didn't get to know each other immediately; I tend to be introverted and nervous about meeting new people. Our first conversation was after this 3-East group activity where everyone wrote their favorite quote on some butcher paper hanging up near the bathrooms. I don't remember what my quote was (something by Tom Waits probably), but when I was done I turned around and Kirk was kind of peering at the board over the crowd, nodding at my choice. In retrospect, that was probably the perfect way for him to scope out unfamiliar people.
Landis has these great wide hallways that were conducive to social activity. I shared a room with a high school friend, Jonathan, and straight across the hall were Paul and Beavis, who were both from Pace. The unwritten rule was "leave your door open if you want to hang out," and Kirk would often be roaming the floor — if only to get away from his obnoxious, flatulent roommate whose name to this day I know only as "Poot."
I started joining in on some of the stuff Kirk, Paul and Beavis were doing: watching movies on the fifth floor, going down to the student union for shows, making midnight Walmart runs, etc. It became obvious that Kirk had this amazingly voluminous knowledge of film, and his enthusiasm was infectious. He reminded me of stuff I hadn't seen in years, reaffirmed my love for geeky classics, and introduced me to terrific indie and foreign fare. Around this time I started my DVD collection, and we'd go out and buy stuff to enjoy in widescreen: Dead Alive, Six-String Samurai, lots of Criterion titles. Kirk introduced me to the practice of making up lyrics for movie scores (e.g. Jurassic Park, RoboCop, plenty of others) and passed along such wonderful tidbits of movie knowledge, like which three 80s movies used "Send Me An Angel" in a montage. (Answer: RAD, The Wizard, and Teenwolf Too.)
When I started at FSU I had no idea what I was going to do after school. Within a year I knew: I wanna make movies with this guy.
Part 2: Film Aspirations
We both applied to the FSU film school, along with Morgan. The three of us logged some time volunteering on "filmmaker in residence" Andy Ruben's shitty vampire movie shoot, hoping he would remember us when selecting from the applicants. Morgan got accepted; Kirk and I did not.
So we kept plugging away at our respective majors, both of which were lame enough to allow for plenty of elective credits, and for a while it seemed like most of our classes were together: Japanese, Japanese calligraphy, (Hanging With) Dr. Cooper's film class, viola da gamba lessons. Afterwards we'd either walk back to Gilchrist or to my place at The Atrium to play videogames and watch TV. ("You kill-a da monkey, why did you kill-a da monkey?") Good times.
(Oh. One time, we were walking home from viola da gamba practice, and I told him that Boo and I had started dating. He said something like, "Hmm, yes, I approve," and made a little stamping motion with his hands. The rest is history.)
Even though I didn't get a degree in film, I always kind of figured that we would make it happen anyway. That somewhere down the line, if we kept writing and collecting equipment, we would eventually have the means to make the movies we always talked about, and all of us would get together and just do it. Now I'm at a point where that's almost feasible, but for what?
Part 3: In Absentia
When I was living in Japan, I still talked to Kirk via instant message whenever I had Internet access in the school's computer lab. We talked a lot about the movies that were coming out at the time. (I defended the Matrix sequels for a while, but after many in-depth conversations, I finally conceded.) Then I came back to Pensacola, got a job, and got murried. Every time I heard about a local job opening in video production (or anything really) I would try to convince him to move over here. But to no avail!
I didn't see Kirk too much after the Attack of the Cancer and our initial visit to the hospital. Like, we talked a ton via instant message, but there weren't many in-person visits. (For this reason, my Matrix residual mental image of him still has a full head of mini-dreads.) Also, I guess I dropped off the whole LiveJournal/MySpace/whatever scene, so I didn't keep up with his goings-on as well as I ought've.
Even though there was a lot going on in my own life at the time (kids, work, house, etc.) this will probably be a source of guilt for some time to come, Schindler-style. "I could have done more! I could have hung out more!" It is some consolation that he had plenty of friends and loved ones wherever he went. I just hope he realized how very much he meant to us all.
Part 4: Remembrance
Kirk was the best! Around! And nothing ever seemed to keep him down. The man had the good humor of a hundred ice cream men and the vitality of a hundred ninjas. Maybe that's why I never really suspected that the cancer might actually win, even though Kirk was beating the odds every single day.
We can just go ahead and retire the phrase, "it couldn't have happened to a nicer person," because it already did. The fact that the universe took Kirk over any of the rest of us chumps makes me want to punch it right in its stupid infinite face. It's not right; it's not fair! In the annals of ontology, in the volume about "why bad things happen to good people," there's bound to be a whole chapter on our boy Kirk.
Assorted things I miss, remember, and hope never to forget, about Kirk:
- The "Jooooey!" squeal.
- Zombie neck bite greetings, and awkwardly long goodbye hugs.
- Various & sundry gesticulations, and their accompanying sound effects.
- His poetry. (Coffee table book. Let's make it happen!)
- His writing style. Specifically, capitalization-as-emphasis.
- Spring Break 2001, Pensacola edition: When he found that out-of-print 400 Blows Criterion edition for cheap in the used CD store.
- Spring Break 2002, Atlanta edition: "Who? Who let 'em out?"
- How he feared the hungry hungry hobos on Pensacola Street would eat him if he walked from The Atrium to Tuscany Village.
- The fact that, within a week of introducing my friends to Kirk, they would like him more than me. Kinda frustrating for me personally, but come on.
If I had a time machine, I would gladly go back and change things for Kirk -- paradoxes be damned. If I had some of Herbert West's re-agent, I would totally use it on Kirk -- even though I know better.
Kirk, remember: never say never at heaven's elevator door.
The rest of us, remember: be excellent to each other.
I raise a milkshake and a hearty bowl of sugary cereal to you, brother. Peace out. Peace out forever.
— Joe "Joey" ("Joe Joe") "Shabadoo" Vinson
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Kirk Update - Louisville Funeral Recap
Friends,
I thought those of you who could not attend might appreciate my thoughts on Kirk's funeral services.
Right off, let me admit that during these past two weeks there has been some speculation as to how Kirk requested his body to be retired. The consensus was that Kirk wanted to be cremated (and even more specifically, loaded into fireworks). That sounds about right for our boy. However, Tim and Deborah chose to bury him. A family member most graciously donated a plot for Kirk in his family's home town of Louisville and they decided that it was best. In regard to cremation, the only sensible conclusion, in my mind, is that Kirk would obviously want anything that might help his parents during this impossibly difficult time.
Sunday evening Joe, Devon, Pura, Pura's mom Liz, and Andrew came to stay with Kristina and me in the new Roswell condo. We condensed vehicles and left for Louisville the next morning. The drive across two states wasn't too bad. As long as you lock your doors in Tennessee and don't get attacked by mountain people. Seriously, they're weird.
We arrived at the Louisville Downtown Hotel which USED to be a Holiday Inn (they need to update the internet listing). My mom, who had flown up that morning, and Bryan's mother, Rose, who had driven up VERY early that morning, were waiting to greet us in the lobby. I had booked 6 rooms which turned out to be just enough for everyone staying there: Me, Kristina, Andrew, Zach, Joe, Nick, Pura, Liz, Devon, Lori, Amanda, Dan, Leslie and Dan's mom Carol. Beavis and Illy booked their own room in the hotel. So did my mother and Rose. Then Michelle, Zach and Wade had a room at a different hotel. All 21 of us unloaded our luggage in our rooms and got ready for the viewing. For most that meant drinking a beer.
The funeral home was an older building, though very nice inside. Everything in Louisville looks like it's been there for at least a couple decades. It was also right next to a KFC, which for reasons I'm embarrassed to admit, I thought was hilarious. I think Kirk would too.
We walked down the hall past a dozen or so family members to the door. There's a black lettered sign that says "Kirk Duwayne "Duke" Lawrence". You might have missed the little table with the sign-in on account of past it is a GIANT room absolutely filled with friends and family. There must have been 300+ people in the room. Most of them sitting in pews, though the rest were standing anywhere they could fill in any gaps. All of them talking and laughing and crying with one another. We walked in and got in line between the front rows of pews so we could make our way up to the front of the room to see Deb, Tim, Nikki, Tiffany, Roff and of course, Kirk.
The family was in good spirits with the exception of Miss Debby. Though I should mention she was doing so much better than ANYONE expected her to. She cried harder when she saw me. I know she sees her son when she looks at me. Especially if I stand a certain way, or walk a certain way, which she's quick to point out. But we hugged and I told her that once we get home, she'll be a stronger person and NOTHING will ever be as hard as those two days. She agreed and did our little fist pump dance she and I do to center and calm ourselves. I love that woman.
The viewing is open casket (I guess that's why they call it a viewing) which was a little weird. Even for me and I had already seen him the previous Thursday morning. Kirk wore a VERY nice creme colored suit. It was striped but in like the exact same color, just different materials? Like one was more shiny. Anyway, very nice. I thought we might get out of there without someone saying so, but both of Kirk's sisters commented on how "natural" he looked. It was a little weird to understand all the processes Kirk's body had undergone and to see him look the same as he did 5 days prior. I started talking to Kirk, but corrected myself and told him "Why am I talking to your body? I'm not sure what I believe, but I know I don't think you're still in there."
Kirk was SURROUNDED by flowers. Stacked so deep I could hardly read the cards of some of the larger arrangements. Including ours, but I certainly recognized it from the picture. Thanks, Jon!
Also next to Kirk, and the most emotionally crippling metaphor made in the two days, is a life-size cutout of Sylvester Stalone's Rocky. An irregular choice for a funeral to be certain, however, not in Kirk's case. For those that don't remember, Rocky was given an opportunity to face the heavyweight champion of the world, Apollo Creed. Rocky shocked Apollo and the world when he refused to go down even while taking blow after blow through all 15 rounds of the fight and even nearly defeating Apollo. Something no fighter had ever done before against the champion. Apollo won the fight in a split decision by the judges, however Rocky won the respect and admiration of the world, and most importantly himself, by proving his strength against such impossible odds. Explaining the story to people that night got me choked up every time.
I completely lost track of time while we were there. An hour and a half went by like minutes while I made my way through the room meeting and hugging all kinds of Lawrences and Ramseys. I had a smile on my face the whole time. I LOVE other people's family events. Generation stuff is the best. Especially when they'll tell you stories about Kirk and Tiffany that you wouldn't otherwise ever find out about.
The event ended with a prayer given by Deborah's brother, Kirk, for whom our friend was named. I met him 4.5 years ago when the first tumor came. Deb told me then that the reason she named Kirk after her brother was because of all the bad stuff he was into. She thought she might need a second Kirk because the first one wasn't going to be around very long. At the time she also rolled her eyes when she told me he was becoming a preacher. I told her it takes a sinner to know how to preach to one. 4 years later, he was giving very beautiful prayers and sermons to us his nephew's funeral. Cuh-razy.
We got back to the hotel and dispersed to find food/beer. I led a small group back to my room where we had a cooler of ice and a laptop playing Kirk's favorite 99X jams. Every few minutes more people would arrive and within an hour the room was packed with our friends. All eating, drinking and laughing over Kirk stories. I pretty much ignored the first noise complaint we received. By the second one, I moved everyone into an interior room (mine was on the end of our block of rooms). Though we must have been offending someone below us because even at 3am (when I stepped out of the room) I ran into the hotel security officer and received my third complaint. The last four or five people had gone to sleep by then, but I walked down the hall, dragging the cooler behind me, and stayed up until 6 with Roff and Tiffany. Very fun. Very stupid.
The next morning we checked out and got to the church for the funeral services. The church was small and old, but at the same time very nice. They had designed the interior nave (booyah, sunday school vocab) like a small theater. The pews creaked under us while we waited for the service to start.
To our amusement, the service, which was to be 'short and sweet', lasted an hour and a half. I only knew from stories Kirk told me that black baptist church services can go on for three hours. No doubt from the number of speakers involved. There must have been a dozen people that took turns at the pulpit. Uncle Kirk spoke about the number of places Kirk has called home and how he is at home now in God's kingdom. The head Reverend spoke to us about not looking back and having the strength and courage to move forward. It was a pretty nice service complete with all the black baptist choir and preacher grandstanding (I don't know a better word) you would expect. There were plenty of tears, but for the most part everyone managed to hold it together.
We left the church and formed a procession to the cemetery. We tried to condense vehicles as best we could, but there must have been 50 cars. We made our way through the city, onto the highway, back into the city and to the site. They have a sort of raised platform where the casket is placed. That morning it was surrounded by a tent since the temperature had dropped to about 27 degrees and the wind was biting. Though due to the tent only about half of us in attendance could fit inside to hear the last prayer said over Kirk. The family slowly left the tent. Tim's father was absolutely overcome with emotion and was helped out. As was Aunt Kelly and, of course, Deb.
After the family had left, we held things up for just a minute to take a picture of Kirk's friends. Joe has it and I'm sure he'll get it to this email list soon. Or post it on Flickr.
We found our way back to the church (everyone should have a GPS) for lunch being held in the basement. There were three long tables and a table for immediate family at the front of the room. We ate fried chicken, potato salad, mac and cheese and green beans. All quite delicious. Especially to those of us finally realizing how hung over we were from the previous night's drinking. We were also served Tim's sweet tea. I've had this concoction before at the Lawrence's house. Imagine really really sweet tea made not with sugar but with County Time lemonade powder. It is beyond sweet and beyond amazing. I've seen Kirk pour himself always half of whatever is left of it in the fridge. Even when there's barely any, Kirk would always save one last taste in the pitcher.
By the time we finished eating and talking to even MORE of Kirk's family it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and I promised to come by the Lawrence house this week. I told Tim I could bring subs and movies and just keep hanging out there all day like I have for the past five months. We joked, but I wonder if it wouldn't help both of us.
Deb cried some more, but I can tell that she's gonna be okay. She's too strong to let this pain keep her from doing what she needs to do. I told her we're gonna get her a new job working at a hospital. She would be in charge of talking to families of cancer patients and helping them organize their insurance/medications. Give her an opportunity to give to someone else what she's had to learn on her own for 4 years.
Nikki is frantically trying to interview for teaching jobs. She's putting together presentations about her work, raising a son, teaching and still manages to be there every step of the way for her family. She's so much like my sister it's ridiculous. If you see the two of them together, you'll know why.
Tiffany and Roffelle are doing great. They are absolutely adorable and exactly what they need for each other right now. I hope they can stay at Tim and Deb's house for a little while before moving into their apartment. Especially before this baby drops. Which will be SOON.
It's really over and that's crazy. I would like to say that I'm very glad to have met all the people and friends of Kirk that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I'm sure I'll meet even more at the Kirk-abration 2009.
No concrete plans on that yet, but I'm starting to shop for event spaces. I have decided, however, that we will wait until Tiffany has her baby. She's 'due' March 21st, but those of you with baby experience should know better than me that she's actually 9 months now and could go into labor at any time. So, once she has it and can stock up on some milk in the fridge we'll have the party. That way she can partake in the beverages like she's dying to these days. Plus it's a pretty solid reason not to have this party RIGHT NOW like my gut tells me.
Talk to you kids soon.
-John
I thought those of you who could not attend might appreciate my thoughts on Kirk's funeral services.
Right off, let me admit that during these past two weeks there has been some speculation as to how Kirk requested his body to be retired. The consensus was that Kirk wanted to be cremated (and even more specifically, loaded into fireworks). That sounds about right for our boy. However, Tim and Deborah chose to bury him. A family member most graciously donated a plot for Kirk in his family's home town of Louisville and they decided that it was best. In regard to cremation, the only sensible conclusion, in my mind, is that Kirk would obviously want anything that might help his parents during this impossibly difficult time.
Sunday evening Joe, Devon, Pura, Pura's mom Liz, and Andrew came to stay with Kristina and me in the new Roswell condo. We condensed vehicles and left for Louisville the next morning. The drive across two states wasn't too bad. As long as you lock your doors in Tennessee and don't get attacked by mountain people. Seriously, they're weird.
We arrived at the Louisville Downtown Hotel which USED to be a Holiday Inn (they need to update the internet listing). My mom, who had flown up that morning, and Bryan's mother, Rose, who had driven up VERY early that morning, were waiting to greet us in the lobby. I had booked 6 rooms which turned out to be just enough for everyone staying there: Me, Kristina, Andrew, Zach, Joe, Nick, Pura, Liz, Devon, Lori, Amanda, Dan, Leslie and Dan's mom Carol. Beavis and Illy booked their own room in the hotel. So did my mother and Rose. Then Michelle, Zach and Wade had a room at a different hotel. All 21 of us unloaded our luggage in our rooms and got ready for the viewing. For most that meant drinking a beer.
The funeral home was an older building, though very nice inside. Everything in Louisville looks like it's been there for at least a couple decades. It was also right next to a KFC, which for reasons I'm embarrassed to admit, I thought was hilarious. I think Kirk would too.
We walked down the hall past a dozen or so family members to the door. There's a black lettered sign that says "Kirk Duwayne "Duke" Lawrence". You might have missed the little table with the sign-in on account of past it is a GIANT room absolutely filled with friends and family. There must have been 300+ people in the room. Most of them sitting in pews, though the rest were standing anywhere they could fill in any gaps. All of them talking and laughing and crying with one another. We walked in and got in line between the front rows of pews so we could make our way up to the front of the room to see Deb, Tim, Nikki, Tiffany, Roff and of course, Kirk.
The family was in good spirits with the exception of Miss Debby. Though I should mention she was doing so much better than ANYONE expected her to. She cried harder when she saw me. I know she sees her son when she looks at me. Especially if I stand a certain way, or walk a certain way, which she's quick to point out. But we hugged and I told her that once we get home, she'll be a stronger person and NOTHING will ever be as hard as those two days. She agreed and did our little fist pump dance she and I do to center and calm ourselves. I love that woman.
The viewing is open casket (I guess that's why they call it a viewing) which was a little weird. Even for me and I had already seen him the previous Thursday morning. Kirk wore a VERY nice creme colored suit. It was striped but in like the exact same color, just different materials? Like one was more shiny. Anyway, very nice. I thought we might get out of there without someone saying so, but both of Kirk's sisters commented on how "natural" he looked. It was a little weird to understand all the processes Kirk's body had undergone and to see him look the same as he did 5 days prior. I started talking to Kirk, but corrected myself and told him "Why am I talking to your body? I'm not sure what I believe, but I know I don't think you're still in there."
Kirk was SURROUNDED by flowers. Stacked so deep I could hardly read the cards of some of the larger arrangements. Including ours, but I certainly recognized it from the picture. Thanks, Jon!
Also next to Kirk, and the most emotionally crippling metaphor made in the two days, is a life-size cutout of Sylvester Stalone's Rocky. An irregular choice for a funeral to be certain, however, not in Kirk's case. For those that don't remember, Rocky was given an opportunity to face the heavyweight champion of the world, Apollo Creed. Rocky shocked Apollo and the world when he refused to go down even while taking blow after blow through all 15 rounds of the fight and even nearly defeating Apollo. Something no fighter had ever done before against the champion. Apollo won the fight in a split decision by the judges, however Rocky won the respect and admiration of the world, and most importantly himself, by proving his strength against such impossible odds. Explaining the story to people that night got me choked up every time.
I completely lost track of time while we were there. An hour and a half went by like minutes while I made my way through the room meeting and hugging all kinds of Lawrences and Ramseys. I had a smile on my face the whole time. I LOVE other people's family events. Generation stuff is the best. Especially when they'll tell you stories about Kirk and Tiffany that you wouldn't otherwise ever find out about.
The event ended with a prayer given by Deborah's brother, Kirk, for whom our friend was named. I met him 4.5 years ago when the first tumor came. Deb told me then that the reason she named Kirk after her brother was because of all the bad stuff he was into. She thought she might need a second Kirk because the first one wasn't going to be around very long. At the time she also rolled her eyes when she told me he was becoming a preacher. I told her it takes a sinner to know how to preach to one. 4 years later, he was giving very beautiful prayers and sermons to us his nephew's funeral. Cuh-razy.
We got back to the hotel and dispersed to find food/beer. I led a small group back to my room where we had a cooler of ice and a laptop playing Kirk's favorite 99X jams. Every few minutes more people would arrive and within an hour the room was packed with our friends. All eating, drinking and laughing over Kirk stories. I pretty much ignored the first noise complaint we received. By the second one, I moved everyone into an interior room (mine was on the end of our block of rooms). Though we must have been offending someone below us because even at 3am (when I stepped out of the room) I ran into the hotel security officer and received my third complaint. The last four or five people had gone to sleep by then, but I walked down the hall, dragging the cooler behind me, and stayed up until 6 with Roff and Tiffany. Very fun. Very stupid.
The next morning we checked out and got to the church for the funeral services. The church was small and old, but at the same time very nice. They had designed the interior nave (booyah, sunday school vocab) like a small theater. The pews creaked under us while we waited for the service to start.
To our amusement, the service, which was to be 'short and sweet', lasted an hour and a half. I only knew from stories Kirk told me that black baptist church services can go on for three hours. No doubt from the number of speakers involved. There must have been a dozen people that took turns at the pulpit. Uncle Kirk spoke about the number of places Kirk has called home and how he is at home now in God's kingdom. The head Reverend spoke to us about not looking back and having the strength and courage to move forward. It was a pretty nice service complete with all the black baptist choir and preacher grandstanding (I don't know a better word) you would expect. There were plenty of tears, but for the most part everyone managed to hold it together.
We left the church and formed a procession to the cemetery. We tried to condense vehicles as best we could, but there must have been 50 cars. We made our way through the city, onto the highway, back into the city and to the site. They have a sort of raised platform where the casket is placed. That morning it was surrounded by a tent since the temperature had dropped to about 27 degrees and the wind was biting. Though due to the tent only about half of us in attendance could fit inside to hear the last prayer said over Kirk. The family slowly left the tent. Tim's father was absolutely overcome with emotion and was helped out. As was Aunt Kelly and, of course, Deb.
After the family had left, we held things up for just a minute to take a picture of Kirk's friends. Joe has it and I'm sure he'll get it to this email list soon. Or post it on Flickr.
We found our way back to the church (everyone should have a GPS) for lunch being held in the basement. There were three long tables and a table for immediate family at the front of the room. We ate fried chicken, potato salad, mac and cheese and green beans. All quite delicious. Especially to those of us finally realizing how hung over we were from the previous night's drinking. We were also served Tim's sweet tea. I've had this concoction before at the Lawrence's house. Imagine really really sweet tea made not with sugar but with County Time lemonade powder. It is beyond sweet and beyond amazing. I've seen Kirk pour himself always half of whatever is left of it in the fridge. Even when there's barely any, Kirk would always save one last taste in the pitcher.
By the time we finished eating and talking to even MORE of Kirk's family it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and I promised to come by the Lawrence house this week. I told Tim I could bring subs and movies and just keep hanging out there all day like I have for the past five months. We joked, but I wonder if it wouldn't help both of us.
Deb cried some more, but I can tell that she's gonna be okay. She's too strong to let this pain keep her from doing what she needs to do. I told her we're gonna get her a new job working at a hospital. She would be in charge of talking to families of cancer patients and helping them organize their insurance/medications. Give her an opportunity to give to someone else what she's had to learn on her own for 4 years.
Nikki is frantically trying to interview for teaching jobs. She's putting together presentations about her work, raising a son, teaching and still manages to be there every step of the way for her family. She's so much like my sister it's ridiculous. If you see the two of them together, you'll know why.
Tiffany and Roffelle are doing great. They are absolutely adorable and exactly what they need for each other right now. I hope they can stay at Tim and Deb's house for a little while before moving into their apartment. Especially before this baby drops. Which will be SOON.
It's really over and that's crazy. I would like to say that I'm very glad to have met all the people and friends of Kirk that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I'm sure I'll meet even more at the Kirk-abration 2009.
No concrete plans on that yet, but I'm starting to shop for event spaces. I have decided, however, that we will wait until Tiffany has her baby. She's 'due' March 21st, but those of you with baby experience should know better than me that she's actually 9 months now and could go into labor at any time. So, once she has it and can stock up on some milk in the fridge we'll have the party. That way she can partake in the beverages like she's dying to these days. Plus it's a pretty solid reason not to have this party RIGHT NOW like my gut tells me.
Talk to you kids soon.
-John
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.11.09
Hooray! I wasn't going to be satisfied with the 'reply all' experiment until you guys started responding to something someone else wrote. And ya haven't let me down. 100% mad props to the West Coast Party Planning Committee. I'm about a 7.5 for attending that party myself. I've been wanting to get out there for a month to see people and hang out.
Moises has been in contact this morning with none other than Harry Knowles of Aint It Cool News (http://www.aintitcool.com/). Definitely cool indeed. He's got some of Kirk's movie materials and ideas (including Zombie Derby Girls) that he's gonna try to get passed around which will be even cooler. Hats off to all his recent efforts and Kirk love.
Kirk's breathing took another strange turn today. He'll take like 7-8 tiiiiiiiiny breaths then 1 giant one. Not wet at all. It sounds like a huge sigh or something. I accused him of being dramatic. That was really it for the entire day besides laughing our asses off with each other.
OH! Tim and Deb have decided to bury Kirk in Louisville. Another family member has very generously donated a super nice plot, etc and they made the call. I told them that I supported their decision and can't wait to meet ALL that family. People are more than welcome to come with me. More details as they're available and it's not 5:15am.
Sleep time now, for more Kirk tomorrow. xoxo
-John
Moises has been in contact this morning with none other than Harry Knowles of Aint It Cool News (http://www.aintitcool.com/). Definitely cool indeed. He's got some of Kirk's movie materials and ideas (including Zombie Derby Girls) that he's gonna try to get passed around which will be even cooler. Hats off to all his recent efforts and Kirk love.
Kirk's breathing took another strange turn today. He'll take like 7-8 tiiiiiiiiny breaths then 1 giant one. Not wet at all. It sounds like a huge sigh or something. I accused him of being dramatic. That was really it for the entire day besides laughing our asses off with each other.
OH! Tim and Deb have decided to bury Kirk in Louisville. Another family member has very generously donated a super nice plot, etc and they made the call. I told them that I supported their decision and can't wait to meet ALL that family. People are more than welcome to come with me. More details as they're available and it's not 5:15am.
Sleep time now, for more Kirk tomorrow. xoxo
-John
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.10.09
Hello friends,
Kirk's day started with a bang. At around 3am last night he suffered a BEAST of a seizure. It lasted for more than 15 minutes. Which of course is totally insane and might kill any of us. Luckily Tim and Deb were sleeping in the room and could get to him even faster than the nurses.
In spite of all that, he's still with us. Way to give us an ounce of accurate info, doctors.
I got over there around noon. I hung out with Tim and Deborah for a while. We talked about the morning's events while we did any small thing we could to make Kirk more comfortable. His breathing is very shallow and very wet. At times even gurgle-ly. This loose phlegm, and various other liquids, in his lungs settle if he stays in the same position. However, he can't stay in one position for too long on account of bed sore prevention. So the nurses have to come in and shift him, which reactivates the gurgling. Things went like that all afternoon. There is the option of using the dentist sucker thing, but it is really irritating to Kirk and doesn't get much since he can so rarely cough anything up into his mouth. Past that Kirk slept the entire day. No doubt completely worn out from the seizure.
Tim and Deb left seeking food, showers and new clothes. I wasn't alone for more than 5 minutes before Roff and Tiffany waddled in. Tiffany isn't due until the 21st of March, but she's huuuuuge with baby. We sat around, continued to monitor Kirk and talked for hours. I can't remember the last time I spent so much time just straight gabbing about nothing and anything.
By the time they left to find the baby some dinner, Diana was out of class and came to hang out. It was all I could do to make her stay in class until she was finished. Though she reported she was just about worthless and unable to concentrate. Diana's been a very reliable visit companion. She's in love with the Tiffany and Nikki and we've scheduled to meet up tomorrow at the hospice as well.
We'll go day to day like this until it's done. I can't figure out how Kirk has fought for so long. Tiffany says he's holding out to see her baby. Maybe so. Though if I was full of that much morphine, I don't know if I could think it through that well. Regardless, Kirk's nurses tell us that hearing is always the last to go and it's very likely that he can still hear us. So we talk to him a great deal. Tiffany sings. Deb prays. Tim jokes and Roff and I laugh. If not for our situation, we might be having the time of our lives.
Until tomorrow.
-John
PS - Kristina has put up an FTP site. Feel free to drop any celebration of Kirk tunes, pictures, videos (Liz! The skateboard video!) in there. If you don't know how to use ftp or are having any trouble, just let me know. Thanks!
Kirk's day started with a bang. At around 3am last night he suffered a BEAST of a seizure. It lasted for more than 15 minutes. Which of course is totally insane and might kill any of us. Luckily Tim and Deb were sleeping in the room and could get to him even faster than the nurses.
In spite of all that, he's still with us. Way to give us an ounce of accurate info, doctors.
I got over there around noon. I hung out with Tim and Deborah for a while. We talked about the morning's events while we did any small thing we could to make Kirk more comfortable. His breathing is very shallow and very wet. At times even gurgle-ly. This loose phlegm, and various other liquids, in his lungs settle if he stays in the same position. However, he can't stay in one position for too long on account of bed sore prevention. So the nurses have to come in and shift him, which reactivates the gurgling. Things went like that all afternoon. There is the option of using the dentist sucker thing, but it is really irritating to Kirk and doesn't get much since he can so rarely cough anything up into his mouth. Past that Kirk slept the entire day. No doubt completely worn out from the seizure.
Tim and Deb left seeking food, showers and new clothes. I wasn't alone for more than 5 minutes before Roff and Tiffany waddled in. Tiffany isn't due until the 21st of March, but she's huuuuuge with baby. We sat around, continued to monitor Kirk and talked for hours. I can't remember the last time I spent so much time just straight gabbing about nothing and anything.
By the time they left to find the baby some dinner, Diana was out of class and came to hang out. It was all I could do to make her stay in class until she was finished. Though she reported she was just about worthless and unable to concentrate. Diana's been a very reliable visit companion. She's in love with the Tiffany and Nikki and we've scheduled to meet up tomorrow at the hospice as well.
We'll go day to day like this until it's done. I can't figure out how Kirk has fought for so long. Tiffany says he's holding out to see her baby. Maybe so. Though if I was full of that much morphine, I don't know if I could think it through that well. Regardless, Kirk's nurses tell us that hearing is always the last to go and it's very likely that he can still hear us. So we talk to him a great deal. Tiffany sings. Deb prays. Tim jokes and Roff and I laugh. If not for our situation, we might be having the time of our lives.
Until tomorrow.
-John
PS - Kristina has put up an FTP site. Feel free to drop any celebration of Kirk tunes, pictures, videos (Liz! The skateboard video!) in there. If you don't know how to use ftp or are having any trouble, just let me know. Thanks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)