I totally forgot to send this story out to the email list...a couple of you have already heard it.
So, the week after the funeral I was hanging out with the Lawrences. Debbie answered the door in Kirk's robe. She was clearly still pretty upset, but she's getting by. Deb, Tim and I sat and talked for a long time about everything. Including how Kirk got to Louisville.
After Kirk passed in the hospice, he stayed in the room with us for a little while. But after that he gets moved to a local funeral home to be embalmed. The funeral home contacts Delta and reserves a casket slot on a plane capable of shipping organs/bodies. (I presume with temperature controlled luggage compartment? No idea.) Then, when the plane arrives in Louisville, the funeral home there is waiting to receive him and gussy him up for the viewing.
Or rather that's how it's supposed to happen...
Somehow someone wrote down that Kirk was to be shipped on that Tuesday. Not that his funeral was Tuesday and worse his viewing was Monday night. The Lawrences are already in Louisville when they find this out. Tim's ready to turn right around to go back and load Kirk in the back of the explorer. They get on the phone with the Atlanta funeral home, who still has him, and straighten everything out. However, there are no more available casket flights to Lousiville until after Tuesday.
I can only assume that a select few people have received The Thunder from Deb as they must have on the phone that day. Suffice it to say the funeral home called everyone they could call and did anything they could do to get Kirk to Kentucky. The solution they came up with was they could ship him to Lexington on Monday, and coordinated with a Lexington funeral home to receive him and drive him to Louisville. He got there in time, looked My-T Sharp, and no one was the wiser.
However the moral of the story, as Paul and I were quick to notice, is that even in his final hour...Kirk had to bum a ride off somebody. ; )
Hope you guys are doing well. No word on these babies yet, but party plans are coming together. I have a list of 'assignments' for you guys which I'll distribute when the time comes.
Oh! And our Tallahassee Roller Girls gave a tribute to Kirk recently at their first home bout. Congrats to them on their win. Pictures/video to come.
-John
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Relay for Life Tallahassee
Team Sho'nuff it is: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff. We'll be participating in the FSU Relay for Life, Friday, April 3, starting at 3:00pm, and walking through to April 4, 9:00am. The event will be held on campus at Mike Long Track.
To join the team: www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, click "Sign Up," then "Join a Team," and search for "Team Sho'nuff," and enter all the requested information. If you can't join the team but would like to donate, http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff.
If you are out of town and cannot make this event and want to walk, please visit www.relayforlife.org to participate in a local event.
Our goal will be to raise $1000. Once we have raised $250, we'll be able to choose a campsite for our team. We have a tent that fits two full-sized mattresses, so we can take naps during the relay.
I will work to make sure that we have coverage for the entire 18 hours -- we must have a team member on the track at all times. If we have 15 members who walk 30 minutes at a time, that's 2-3 shifts per person. More than enough walking for everyone that wants a piece.
As far as uniforms, we get event shirts when we register as part of the team. There are two special shirts available for Caregivers and Survivors, which can be requested during sign-up. We can decorate the shirts however we want (Diana: bedazzle 'til your heart's content). I've been telling everyone to wear camo shorts -- we're talking about Team Kirk here! I do love the idea of dressing as zombies... Kirk would have loved to see us all walking around the track all slow-like and bloodthirsty.
Also, from www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, luminaria can be purchased in Kirk's honor, in memory of loved ones we've lost, and in honor of our loved ones who've survived cancer. If you purchase a luminary, you can have a note written on it. These luminaria will be placed around the track and will light our way throughout the night.
I'll be attending a Captains Meeting on March 18. I'll pass along any additional information I find out then.
~Leslee
To join the team: www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, click "Sign Up," then "Join a Team," and search for "Team Sho'nuff," and enter all the requested information. If you can't join the team but would like to donate, http://main.acsevents.org/goto/shonuff.
If you are out of town and cannot make this event and want to walk, please visit www.relayforlife.org to participate in a local event.
Our goal will be to raise $1000. Once we have raised $250, we'll be able to choose a campsite for our team. We have a tent that fits two full-sized mattresses, so we can take naps during the relay.
I will work to make sure that we have coverage for the entire 18 hours -- we must have a team member on the track at all times. If we have 15 members who walk 30 minutes at a time, that's 2-3 shifts per person. More than enough walking for everyone that wants a piece.
As far as uniforms, we get event shirts when we register as part of the team. There are two special shirts available for Caregivers and Survivors, which can be requested during sign-up. We can decorate the shirts however we want (Diana: bedazzle 'til your heart's content). I've been telling everyone to wear camo shorts -- we're talking about Team Kirk here! I do love the idea of dressing as zombies... Kirk would have loved to see us all walking around the track all slow-like and bloodthirsty.
Also, from www.relayforlife.org/fsufl, luminaria can be purchased in Kirk's honor, in memory of loved ones we've lost, and in honor of our loved ones who've survived cancer. If you purchase a luminary, you can have a note written on it. These luminaria will be placed around the track and will light our way throughout the night.
I'll be attending a Captains Meeting on March 18. I'll pass along any additional information I find out then.
~Leslee
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Kirk Memorial (Joe edition)
Part 1: Intro
When I lived in Landis my freshman year at FSU, Kirk was just a couple doors down and across the hall. We didn't get to know each other immediately; I tend to be introverted and nervous about meeting new people. Our first conversation was after this 3-East group activity where everyone wrote their favorite quote on some butcher paper hanging up near the bathrooms. I don't remember what my quote was (something by Tom Waits probably), but when I was done I turned around and Kirk was kind of peering at the board over the crowd, nodding at my choice. In retrospect, that was probably the perfect way for him to scope out unfamiliar people.
Landis has these great wide hallways that were conducive to social activity. I shared a room with a high school friend, Jonathan, and straight across the hall were Paul and Beavis, who were both from Pace. The unwritten rule was "leave your door open if you want to hang out," and Kirk would often be roaming the floor — if only to get away from his obnoxious, flatulent roommate whose name to this day I know only as "Poot."
I started joining in on some of the stuff Kirk, Paul and Beavis were doing: watching movies on the fifth floor, going down to the student union for shows, making midnight Walmart runs, etc. It became obvious that Kirk had this amazingly voluminous knowledge of film, and his enthusiasm was infectious. He reminded me of stuff I hadn't seen in years, reaffirmed my love for geeky classics, and introduced me to terrific indie and foreign fare. Around this time I started my DVD collection, and we'd go out and buy stuff to enjoy in widescreen: Dead Alive, Six-String Samurai, lots of Criterion titles. Kirk introduced me to the practice of making up lyrics for movie scores (e.g. Jurassic Park, RoboCop, plenty of others) and passed along such wonderful tidbits of movie knowledge, like which three 80s movies used "Send Me An Angel" in a montage. (Answer: RAD, The Wizard, and Teenwolf Too.)
When I started at FSU I had no idea what I was going to do after school. Within a year I knew: I wanna make movies with this guy.
Part 2: Film Aspirations
We both applied to the FSU film school, along with Morgan. The three of us logged some time volunteering on "filmmaker in residence" Andy Ruben's shitty vampire movie shoot, hoping he would remember us when selecting from the applicants. Morgan got accepted; Kirk and I did not.
So we kept plugging away at our respective majors, both of which were lame enough to allow for plenty of elective credits, and for a while it seemed like most of our classes were together: Japanese, Japanese calligraphy, (Hanging With) Dr. Cooper's film class, viola da gamba lessons. Afterwards we'd either walk back to Gilchrist or to my place at The Atrium to play videogames and watch TV. ("You kill-a da monkey, why did you kill-a da monkey?") Good times.
(Oh. One time, we were walking home from viola da gamba practice, and I told him that Boo and I had started dating. He said something like, "Hmm, yes, I approve," and made a little stamping motion with his hands. The rest is history.)
Even though I didn't get a degree in film, I always kind of figured that we would make it happen anyway. That somewhere down the line, if we kept writing and collecting equipment, we would eventually have the means to make the movies we always talked about, and all of us would get together and just do it. Now I'm at a point where that's almost feasible, but for what?
Part 3: In Absentia
When I was living in Japan, I still talked to Kirk via instant message whenever I had Internet access in the school's computer lab. We talked a lot about the movies that were coming out at the time. (I defended the Matrix sequels for a while, but after many in-depth conversations, I finally conceded.) Then I came back to Pensacola, got a job, and got murried. Every time I heard about a local job opening in video production (or anything really) I would try to convince him to move over here. But to no avail!
I didn't see Kirk too much after the Attack of the Cancer and our initial visit to the hospital. Like, we talked a ton via instant message, but there weren't many in-person visits. (For this reason, my Matrix residual mental image of him still has a full head of mini-dreads.) Also, I guess I dropped off the whole LiveJournal/MySpace/whatever scene, so I didn't keep up with his goings-on as well as I ought've.
Even though there was a lot going on in my own life at the time (kids, work, house, etc.) this will probably be a source of guilt for some time to come, Schindler-style. "I could have done more! I could have hung out more!" It is some consolation that he had plenty of friends and loved ones wherever he went. I just hope he realized how very much he meant to us all.
Part 4: Remembrance
Kirk was the best! Around! And nothing ever seemed to keep him down. The man had the good humor of a hundred ice cream men and the vitality of a hundred ninjas. Maybe that's why I never really suspected that the cancer might actually win, even though Kirk was beating the odds every single day.
We can just go ahead and retire the phrase, "it couldn't have happened to a nicer person," because it already did. The fact that the universe took Kirk over any of the rest of us chumps makes me want to punch it right in its stupid infinite face. It's not right; it's not fair! In the annals of ontology, in the volume about "why bad things happen to good people," there's bound to be a whole chapter on our boy Kirk.
Assorted things I miss, remember, and hope never to forget, about Kirk:
If I had a time machine, I would gladly go back and change things for Kirk -- paradoxes be damned. If I had some of Herbert West's re-agent, I would totally use it on Kirk -- even though I know better.
Kirk, remember: never say never at heaven's elevator door.
The rest of us, remember: be excellent to each other.
I raise a milkshake and a hearty bowl of sugary cereal to you, brother. Peace out. Peace out forever.
— Joe "Joey" ("Joe Joe") "Shabadoo" Vinson
When I lived in Landis my freshman year at FSU, Kirk was just a couple doors down and across the hall. We didn't get to know each other immediately; I tend to be introverted and nervous about meeting new people. Our first conversation was after this 3-East group activity where everyone wrote their favorite quote on some butcher paper hanging up near the bathrooms. I don't remember what my quote was (something by Tom Waits probably), but when I was done I turned around and Kirk was kind of peering at the board over the crowd, nodding at my choice. In retrospect, that was probably the perfect way for him to scope out unfamiliar people.
Landis has these great wide hallways that were conducive to social activity. I shared a room with a high school friend, Jonathan, and straight across the hall were Paul and Beavis, who were both from Pace. The unwritten rule was "leave your door open if you want to hang out," and Kirk would often be roaming the floor — if only to get away from his obnoxious, flatulent roommate whose name to this day I know only as "Poot."
I started joining in on some of the stuff Kirk, Paul and Beavis were doing: watching movies on the fifth floor, going down to the student union for shows, making midnight Walmart runs, etc. It became obvious that Kirk had this amazingly voluminous knowledge of film, and his enthusiasm was infectious. He reminded me of stuff I hadn't seen in years, reaffirmed my love for geeky classics, and introduced me to terrific indie and foreign fare. Around this time I started my DVD collection, and we'd go out and buy stuff to enjoy in widescreen: Dead Alive, Six-String Samurai, lots of Criterion titles. Kirk introduced me to the practice of making up lyrics for movie scores (e.g. Jurassic Park, RoboCop, plenty of others) and passed along such wonderful tidbits of movie knowledge, like which three 80s movies used "Send Me An Angel" in a montage. (Answer: RAD, The Wizard, and Teenwolf Too.)
When I started at FSU I had no idea what I was going to do after school. Within a year I knew: I wanna make movies with this guy.
Part 2: Film Aspirations
We both applied to the FSU film school, along with Morgan. The three of us logged some time volunteering on "filmmaker in residence" Andy Ruben's shitty vampire movie shoot, hoping he would remember us when selecting from the applicants. Morgan got accepted; Kirk and I did not.
So we kept plugging away at our respective majors, both of which were lame enough to allow for plenty of elective credits, and for a while it seemed like most of our classes were together: Japanese, Japanese calligraphy, (Hanging With) Dr. Cooper's film class, viola da gamba lessons. Afterwards we'd either walk back to Gilchrist or to my place at The Atrium to play videogames and watch TV. ("You kill-a da monkey, why did you kill-a da monkey?") Good times.
(Oh. One time, we were walking home from viola da gamba practice, and I told him that Boo and I had started dating. He said something like, "Hmm, yes, I approve," and made a little stamping motion with his hands. The rest is history.)
Even though I didn't get a degree in film, I always kind of figured that we would make it happen anyway. That somewhere down the line, if we kept writing and collecting equipment, we would eventually have the means to make the movies we always talked about, and all of us would get together and just do it. Now I'm at a point where that's almost feasible, but for what?
Part 3: In Absentia
When I was living in Japan, I still talked to Kirk via instant message whenever I had Internet access in the school's computer lab. We talked a lot about the movies that were coming out at the time. (I defended the Matrix sequels for a while, but after many in-depth conversations, I finally conceded.) Then I came back to Pensacola, got a job, and got murried. Every time I heard about a local job opening in video production (or anything really) I would try to convince him to move over here. But to no avail!
I didn't see Kirk too much after the Attack of the Cancer and our initial visit to the hospital. Like, we talked a ton via instant message, but there weren't many in-person visits. (For this reason, my Matrix residual mental image of him still has a full head of mini-dreads.) Also, I guess I dropped off the whole LiveJournal/MySpace/whatever scene, so I didn't keep up with his goings-on as well as I ought've.
Even though there was a lot going on in my own life at the time (kids, work, house, etc.) this will probably be a source of guilt for some time to come, Schindler-style. "I could have done more! I could have hung out more!" It is some consolation that he had plenty of friends and loved ones wherever he went. I just hope he realized how very much he meant to us all.
Part 4: Remembrance
Kirk was the best! Around! And nothing ever seemed to keep him down. The man had the good humor of a hundred ice cream men and the vitality of a hundred ninjas. Maybe that's why I never really suspected that the cancer might actually win, even though Kirk was beating the odds every single day.
We can just go ahead and retire the phrase, "it couldn't have happened to a nicer person," because it already did. The fact that the universe took Kirk over any of the rest of us chumps makes me want to punch it right in its stupid infinite face. It's not right; it's not fair! In the annals of ontology, in the volume about "why bad things happen to good people," there's bound to be a whole chapter on our boy Kirk.
Assorted things I miss, remember, and hope never to forget, about Kirk:
- The "Jooooey!" squeal.
- Zombie neck bite greetings, and awkwardly long goodbye hugs.
- Various & sundry gesticulations, and their accompanying sound effects.
- His poetry. (Coffee table book. Let's make it happen!)
- His writing style. Specifically, capitalization-as-emphasis.
- Spring Break 2001, Pensacola edition: When he found that out-of-print 400 Blows Criterion edition for cheap in the used CD store.
- Spring Break 2002, Atlanta edition: "Who? Who let 'em out?"
- How he feared the hungry hungry hobos on Pensacola Street would eat him if he walked from The Atrium to Tuscany Village.
- The fact that, within a week of introducing my friends to Kirk, they would like him more than me. Kinda frustrating for me personally, but come on.
If I had a time machine, I would gladly go back and change things for Kirk -- paradoxes be damned. If I had some of Herbert West's re-agent, I would totally use it on Kirk -- even though I know better.
Kirk, remember: never say never at heaven's elevator door.
The rest of us, remember: be excellent to each other.
I raise a milkshake and a hearty bowl of sugary cereal to you, brother. Peace out. Peace out forever.
— Joe "Joey" ("Joe Joe") "Shabadoo" Vinson
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Kirk Update - Louisville Funeral Recap
Friends,
I thought those of you who could not attend might appreciate my thoughts on Kirk's funeral services.
Right off, let me admit that during these past two weeks there has been some speculation as to how Kirk requested his body to be retired. The consensus was that Kirk wanted to be cremated (and even more specifically, loaded into fireworks). That sounds about right for our boy. However, Tim and Deborah chose to bury him. A family member most graciously donated a plot for Kirk in his family's home town of Louisville and they decided that it was best. In regard to cremation, the only sensible conclusion, in my mind, is that Kirk would obviously want anything that might help his parents during this impossibly difficult time.
Sunday evening Joe, Devon, Pura, Pura's mom Liz, and Andrew came to stay with Kristina and me in the new Roswell condo. We condensed vehicles and left for Louisville the next morning. The drive across two states wasn't too bad. As long as you lock your doors in Tennessee and don't get attacked by mountain people. Seriously, they're weird.
We arrived at the Louisville Downtown Hotel which USED to be a Holiday Inn (they need to update the internet listing). My mom, who had flown up that morning, and Bryan's mother, Rose, who had driven up VERY early that morning, were waiting to greet us in the lobby. I had booked 6 rooms which turned out to be just enough for everyone staying there: Me, Kristina, Andrew, Zach, Joe, Nick, Pura, Liz, Devon, Lori, Amanda, Dan, Leslie and Dan's mom Carol. Beavis and Illy booked their own room in the hotel. So did my mother and Rose. Then Michelle, Zach and Wade had a room at a different hotel. All 21 of us unloaded our luggage in our rooms and got ready for the viewing. For most that meant drinking a beer.
The funeral home was an older building, though very nice inside. Everything in Louisville looks like it's been there for at least a couple decades. It was also right next to a KFC, which for reasons I'm embarrassed to admit, I thought was hilarious. I think Kirk would too.
We walked down the hall past a dozen or so family members to the door. There's a black lettered sign that says "Kirk Duwayne "Duke" Lawrence". You might have missed the little table with the sign-in on account of past it is a GIANT room absolutely filled with friends and family. There must have been 300+ people in the room. Most of them sitting in pews, though the rest were standing anywhere they could fill in any gaps. All of them talking and laughing and crying with one another. We walked in and got in line between the front rows of pews so we could make our way up to the front of the room to see Deb, Tim, Nikki, Tiffany, Roff and of course, Kirk.
The family was in good spirits with the exception of Miss Debby. Though I should mention she was doing so much better than ANYONE expected her to. She cried harder when she saw me. I know she sees her son when she looks at me. Especially if I stand a certain way, or walk a certain way, which she's quick to point out. But we hugged and I told her that once we get home, she'll be a stronger person and NOTHING will ever be as hard as those two days. She agreed and did our little fist pump dance she and I do to center and calm ourselves. I love that woman.
The viewing is open casket (I guess that's why they call it a viewing) which was a little weird. Even for me and I had already seen him the previous Thursday morning. Kirk wore a VERY nice creme colored suit. It was striped but in like the exact same color, just different materials? Like one was more shiny. Anyway, very nice. I thought we might get out of there without someone saying so, but both of Kirk's sisters commented on how "natural" he looked. It was a little weird to understand all the processes Kirk's body had undergone and to see him look the same as he did 5 days prior. I started talking to Kirk, but corrected myself and told him "Why am I talking to your body? I'm not sure what I believe, but I know I don't think you're still in there."
Kirk was SURROUNDED by flowers. Stacked so deep I could hardly read the cards of some of the larger arrangements. Including ours, but I certainly recognized it from the picture. Thanks, Jon!
Also next to Kirk, and the most emotionally crippling metaphor made in the two days, is a life-size cutout of Sylvester Stalone's Rocky. An irregular choice for a funeral to be certain, however, not in Kirk's case. For those that don't remember, Rocky was given an opportunity to face the heavyweight champion of the world, Apollo Creed. Rocky shocked Apollo and the world when he refused to go down even while taking blow after blow through all 15 rounds of the fight and even nearly defeating Apollo. Something no fighter had ever done before against the champion. Apollo won the fight in a split decision by the judges, however Rocky won the respect and admiration of the world, and most importantly himself, by proving his strength against such impossible odds. Explaining the story to people that night got me choked up every time.
I completely lost track of time while we were there. An hour and a half went by like minutes while I made my way through the room meeting and hugging all kinds of Lawrences and Ramseys. I had a smile on my face the whole time. I LOVE other people's family events. Generation stuff is the best. Especially when they'll tell you stories about Kirk and Tiffany that you wouldn't otherwise ever find out about.
The event ended with a prayer given by Deborah's brother, Kirk, for whom our friend was named. I met him 4.5 years ago when the first tumor came. Deb told me then that the reason she named Kirk after her brother was because of all the bad stuff he was into. She thought she might need a second Kirk because the first one wasn't going to be around very long. At the time she also rolled her eyes when she told me he was becoming a preacher. I told her it takes a sinner to know how to preach to one. 4 years later, he was giving very beautiful prayers and sermons to us his nephew's funeral. Cuh-razy.
We got back to the hotel and dispersed to find food/beer. I led a small group back to my room where we had a cooler of ice and a laptop playing Kirk's favorite 99X jams. Every few minutes more people would arrive and within an hour the room was packed with our friends. All eating, drinking and laughing over Kirk stories. I pretty much ignored the first noise complaint we received. By the second one, I moved everyone into an interior room (mine was on the end of our block of rooms). Though we must have been offending someone below us because even at 3am (when I stepped out of the room) I ran into the hotel security officer and received my third complaint. The last four or five people had gone to sleep by then, but I walked down the hall, dragging the cooler behind me, and stayed up until 6 with Roff and Tiffany. Very fun. Very stupid.
The next morning we checked out and got to the church for the funeral services. The church was small and old, but at the same time very nice. They had designed the interior nave (booyah, sunday school vocab) like a small theater. The pews creaked under us while we waited for the service to start.
To our amusement, the service, which was to be 'short and sweet', lasted an hour and a half. I only knew from stories Kirk told me that black baptist church services can go on for three hours. No doubt from the number of speakers involved. There must have been a dozen people that took turns at the pulpit. Uncle Kirk spoke about the number of places Kirk has called home and how he is at home now in God's kingdom. The head Reverend spoke to us about not looking back and having the strength and courage to move forward. It was a pretty nice service complete with all the black baptist choir and preacher grandstanding (I don't know a better word) you would expect. There were plenty of tears, but for the most part everyone managed to hold it together.
We left the church and formed a procession to the cemetery. We tried to condense vehicles as best we could, but there must have been 50 cars. We made our way through the city, onto the highway, back into the city and to the site. They have a sort of raised platform where the casket is placed. That morning it was surrounded by a tent since the temperature had dropped to about 27 degrees and the wind was biting. Though due to the tent only about half of us in attendance could fit inside to hear the last prayer said over Kirk. The family slowly left the tent. Tim's father was absolutely overcome with emotion and was helped out. As was Aunt Kelly and, of course, Deb.
After the family had left, we held things up for just a minute to take a picture of Kirk's friends. Joe has it and I'm sure he'll get it to this email list soon. Or post it on Flickr.
We found our way back to the church (everyone should have a GPS) for lunch being held in the basement. There were three long tables and a table for immediate family at the front of the room. We ate fried chicken, potato salad, mac and cheese and green beans. All quite delicious. Especially to those of us finally realizing how hung over we were from the previous night's drinking. We were also served Tim's sweet tea. I've had this concoction before at the Lawrence's house. Imagine really really sweet tea made not with sugar but with County Time lemonade powder. It is beyond sweet and beyond amazing. I've seen Kirk pour himself always half of whatever is left of it in the fridge. Even when there's barely any, Kirk would always save one last taste in the pitcher.
By the time we finished eating and talking to even MORE of Kirk's family it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and I promised to come by the Lawrence house this week. I told Tim I could bring subs and movies and just keep hanging out there all day like I have for the past five months. We joked, but I wonder if it wouldn't help both of us.
Deb cried some more, but I can tell that she's gonna be okay. She's too strong to let this pain keep her from doing what she needs to do. I told her we're gonna get her a new job working at a hospital. She would be in charge of talking to families of cancer patients and helping them organize their insurance/medications. Give her an opportunity to give to someone else what she's had to learn on her own for 4 years.
Nikki is frantically trying to interview for teaching jobs. She's putting together presentations about her work, raising a son, teaching and still manages to be there every step of the way for her family. She's so much like my sister it's ridiculous. If you see the two of them together, you'll know why.
Tiffany and Roffelle are doing great. They are absolutely adorable and exactly what they need for each other right now. I hope they can stay at Tim and Deb's house for a little while before moving into their apartment. Especially before this baby drops. Which will be SOON.
It's really over and that's crazy. I would like to say that I'm very glad to have met all the people and friends of Kirk that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I'm sure I'll meet even more at the Kirk-abration 2009.
No concrete plans on that yet, but I'm starting to shop for event spaces. I have decided, however, that we will wait until Tiffany has her baby. She's 'due' March 21st, but those of you with baby experience should know better than me that she's actually 9 months now and could go into labor at any time. So, once she has it and can stock up on some milk in the fridge we'll have the party. That way she can partake in the beverages like she's dying to these days. Plus it's a pretty solid reason not to have this party RIGHT NOW like my gut tells me.
Talk to you kids soon.
-John
I thought those of you who could not attend might appreciate my thoughts on Kirk's funeral services.
Right off, let me admit that during these past two weeks there has been some speculation as to how Kirk requested his body to be retired. The consensus was that Kirk wanted to be cremated (and even more specifically, loaded into fireworks). That sounds about right for our boy. However, Tim and Deborah chose to bury him. A family member most graciously donated a plot for Kirk in his family's home town of Louisville and they decided that it was best. In regard to cremation, the only sensible conclusion, in my mind, is that Kirk would obviously want anything that might help his parents during this impossibly difficult time.
Sunday evening Joe, Devon, Pura, Pura's mom Liz, and Andrew came to stay with Kristina and me in the new Roswell condo. We condensed vehicles and left for Louisville the next morning. The drive across two states wasn't too bad. As long as you lock your doors in Tennessee and don't get attacked by mountain people. Seriously, they're weird.
We arrived at the Louisville Downtown Hotel which USED to be a Holiday Inn (they need to update the internet listing). My mom, who had flown up that morning, and Bryan's mother, Rose, who had driven up VERY early that morning, were waiting to greet us in the lobby. I had booked 6 rooms which turned out to be just enough for everyone staying there: Me, Kristina, Andrew, Zach, Joe, Nick, Pura, Liz, Devon, Lori, Amanda, Dan, Leslie and Dan's mom Carol. Beavis and Illy booked their own room in the hotel. So did my mother and Rose. Then Michelle, Zach and Wade had a room at a different hotel. All 21 of us unloaded our luggage in our rooms and got ready for the viewing. For most that meant drinking a beer.
The funeral home was an older building, though very nice inside. Everything in Louisville looks like it's been there for at least a couple decades. It was also right next to a KFC, which for reasons I'm embarrassed to admit, I thought was hilarious. I think Kirk would too.
We walked down the hall past a dozen or so family members to the door. There's a black lettered sign that says "Kirk Duwayne "Duke" Lawrence". You might have missed the little table with the sign-in on account of past it is a GIANT room absolutely filled with friends and family. There must have been 300+ people in the room. Most of them sitting in pews, though the rest were standing anywhere they could fill in any gaps. All of them talking and laughing and crying with one another. We walked in and got in line between the front rows of pews so we could make our way up to the front of the room to see Deb, Tim, Nikki, Tiffany, Roff and of course, Kirk.
The family was in good spirits with the exception of Miss Debby. Though I should mention she was doing so much better than ANYONE expected her to. She cried harder when she saw me. I know she sees her son when she looks at me. Especially if I stand a certain way, or walk a certain way, which she's quick to point out. But we hugged and I told her that once we get home, she'll be a stronger person and NOTHING will ever be as hard as those two days. She agreed and did our little fist pump dance she and I do to center and calm ourselves. I love that woman.
The viewing is open casket (I guess that's why they call it a viewing) which was a little weird. Even for me and I had already seen him the previous Thursday morning. Kirk wore a VERY nice creme colored suit. It was striped but in like the exact same color, just different materials? Like one was more shiny. Anyway, very nice. I thought we might get out of there without someone saying so, but both of Kirk's sisters commented on how "natural" he looked. It was a little weird to understand all the processes Kirk's body had undergone and to see him look the same as he did 5 days prior. I started talking to Kirk, but corrected myself and told him "Why am I talking to your body? I'm not sure what I believe, but I know I don't think you're still in there."
Kirk was SURROUNDED by flowers. Stacked so deep I could hardly read the cards of some of the larger arrangements. Including ours, but I certainly recognized it from the picture. Thanks, Jon!
Also next to Kirk, and the most emotionally crippling metaphor made in the two days, is a life-size cutout of Sylvester Stalone's Rocky. An irregular choice for a funeral to be certain, however, not in Kirk's case. For those that don't remember, Rocky was given an opportunity to face the heavyweight champion of the world, Apollo Creed. Rocky shocked Apollo and the world when he refused to go down even while taking blow after blow through all 15 rounds of the fight and even nearly defeating Apollo. Something no fighter had ever done before against the champion. Apollo won the fight in a split decision by the judges, however Rocky won the respect and admiration of the world, and most importantly himself, by proving his strength against such impossible odds. Explaining the story to people that night got me choked up every time.
I completely lost track of time while we were there. An hour and a half went by like minutes while I made my way through the room meeting and hugging all kinds of Lawrences and Ramseys. I had a smile on my face the whole time. I LOVE other people's family events. Generation stuff is the best. Especially when they'll tell you stories about Kirk and Tiffany that you wouldn't otherwise ever find out about.
The event ended with a prayer given by Deborah's brother, Kirk, for whom our friend was named. I met him 4.5 years ago when the first tumor came. Deb told me then that the reason she named Kirk after her brother was because of all the bad stuff he was into. She thought she might need a second Kirk because the first one wasn't going to be around very long. At the time she also rolled her eyes when she told me he was becoming a preacher. I told her it takes a sinner to know how to preach to one. 4 years later, he was giving very beautiful prayers and sermons to us his nephew's funeral. Cuh-razy.
We got back to the hotel and dispersed to find food/beer. I led a small group back to my room where we had a cooler of ice and a laptop playing Kirk's favorite 99X jams. Every few minutes more people would arrive and within an hour the room was packed with our friends. All eating, drinking and laughing over Kirk stories. I pretty much ignored the first noise complaint we received. By the second one, I moved everyone into an interior room (mine was on the end of our block of rooms). Though we must have been offending someone below us because even at 3am (when I stepped out of the room) I ran into the hotel security officer and received my third complaint. The last four or five people had gone to sleep by then, but I walked down the hall, dragging the cooler behind me, and stayed up until 6 with Roff and Tiffany. Very fun. Very stupid.
The next morning we checked out and got to the church for the funeral services. The church was small and old, but at the same time very nice. They had designed the interior nave (booyah, sunday school vocab) like a small theater. The pews creaked under us while we waited for the service to start.
To our amusement, the service, which was to be 'short and sweet', lasted an hour and a half. I only knew from stories Kirk told me that black baptist church services can go on for three hours. No doubt from the number of speakers involved. There must have been a dozen people that took turns at the pulpit. Uncle Kirk spoke about the number of places Kirk has called home and how he is at home now in God's kingdom. The head Reverend spoke to us about not looking back and having the strength and courage to move forward. It was a pretty nice service complete with all the black baptist choir and preacher grandstanding (I don't know a better word) you would expect. There were plenty of tears, but for the most part everyone managed to hold it together.
We left the church and formed a procession to the cemetery. We tried to condense vehicles as best we could, but there must have been 50 cars. We made our way through the city, onto the highway, back into the city and to the site. They have a sort of raised platform where the casket is placed. That morning it was surrounded by a tent since the temperature had dropped to about 27 degrees and the wind was biting. Though due to the tent only about half of us in attendance could fit inside to hear the last prayer said over Kirk. The family slowly left the tent. Tim's father was absolutely overcome with emotion and was helped out. As was Aunt Kelly and, of course, Deb.
After the family had left, we held things up for just a minute to take a picture of Kirk's friends. Joe has it and I'm sure he'll get it to this email list soon. Or post it on Flickr.
We found our way back to the church (everyone should have a GPS) for lunch being held in the basement. There were three long tables and a table for immediate family at the front of the room. We ate fried chicken, potato salad, mac and cheese and green beans. All quite delicious. Especially to those of us finally realizing how hung over we were from the previous night's drinking. We were also served Tim's sweet tea. I've had this concoction before at the Lawrence's house. Imagine really really sweet tea made not with sugar but with County Time lemonade powder. It is beyond sweet and beyond amazing. I've seen Kirk pour himself always half of whatever is left of it in the fridge. Even when there's barely any, Kirk would always save one last taste in the pitcher.
By the time we finished eating and talking to even MORE of Kirk's family it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and I promised to come by the Lawrence house this week. I told Tim I could bring subs and movies and just keep hanging out there all day like I have for the past five months. We joked, but I wonder if it wouldn't help both of us.
Deb cried some more, but I can tell that she's gonna be okay. She's too strong to let this pain keep her from doing what she needs to do. I told her we're gonna get her a new job working at a hospital. She would be in charge of talking to families of cancer patients and helping them organize their insurance/medications. Give her an opportunity to give to someone else what she's had to learn on her own for 4 years.
Nikki is frantically trying to interview for teaching jobs. She's putting together presentations about her work, raising a son, teaching and still manages to be there every step of the way for her family. She's so much like my sister it's ridiculous. If you see the two of them together, you'll know why.
Tiffany and Roffelle are doing great. They are absolutely adorable and exactly what they need for each other right now. I hope they can stay at Tim and Deb's house for a little while before moving into their apartment. Especially before this baby drops. Which will be SOON.
It's really over and that's crazy. I would like to say that I'm very glad to have met all the people and friends of Kirk that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I'm sure I'll meet even more at the Kirk-abration 2009.
No concrete plans on that yet, but I'm starting to shop for event spaces. I have decided, however, that we will wait until Tiffany has her baby. She's 'due' March 21st, but those of you with baby experience should know better than me that she's actually 9 months now and could go into labor at any time. So, once she has it and can stock up on some milk in the fridge we'll have the party. That way she can partake in the beverages like she's dying to these days. Plus it's a pretty solid reason not to have this party RIGHT NOW like my gut tells me.
Talk to you kids soon.
-John
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.11.09
Hooray! I wasn't going to be satisfied with the 'reply all' experiment until you guys started responding to something someone else wrote. And ya haven't let me down. 100% mad props to the West Coast Party Planning Committee. I'm about a 7.5 for attending that party myself. I've been wanting to get out there for a month to see people and hang out.
Moises has been in contact this morning with none other than Harry Knowles of Aint It Cool News (http://www.aintitcool.com/). Definitely cool indeed. He's got some of Kirk's movie materials and ideas (including Zombie Derby Girls) that he's gonna try to get passed around which will be even cooler. Hats off to all his recent efforts and Kirk love.
Kirk's breathing took another strange turn today. He'll take like 7-8 tiiiiiiiiny breaths then 1 giant one. Not wet at all. It sounds like a huge sigh or something. I accused him of being dramatic. That was really it for the entire day besides laughing our asses off with each other.
OH! Tim and Deb have decided to bury Kirk in Louisville. Another family member has very generously donated a super nice plot, etc and they made the call. I told them that I supported their decision and can't wait to meet ALL that family. People are more than welcome to come with me. More details as they're available and it's not 5:15am.
Sleep time now, for more Kirk tomorrow. xoxo
-John
Moises has been in contact this morning with none other than Harry Knowles of Aint It Cool News (http://www.aintitcool.com/). Definitely cool indeed. He's got some of Kirk's movie materials and ideas (including Zombie Derby Girls) that he's gonna try to get passed around which will be even cooler. Hats off to all his recent efforts and Kirk love.
Kirk's breathing took another strange turn today. He'll take like 7-8 tiiiiiiiiny breaths then 1 giant one. Not wet at all. It sounds like a huge sigh or something. I accused him of being dramatic. That was really it for the entire day besides laughing our asses off with each other.
OH! Tim and Deb have decided to bury Kirk in Louisville. Another family member has very generously donated a super nice plot, etc and they made the call. I told them that I supported their decision and can't wait to meet ALL that family. People are more than welcome to come with me. More details as they're available and it's not 5:15am.
Sleep time now, for more Kirk tomorrow. xoxo
-John
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.10.09
Hello friends,
Kirk's day started with a bang. At around 3am last night he suffered a BEAST of a seizure. It lasted for more than 15 minutes. Which of course is totally insane and might kill any of us. Luckily Tim and Deb were sleeping in the room and could get to him even faster than the nurses.
In spite of all that, he's still with us. Way to give us an ounce of accurate info, doctors.
I got over there around noon. I hung out with Tim and Deborah for a while. We talked about the morning's events while we did any small thing we could to make Kirk more comfortable. His breathing is very shallow and very wet. At times even gurgle-ly. This loose phlegm, and various other liquids, in his lungs settle if he stays in the same position. However, he can't stay in one position for too long on account of bed sore prevention. So the nurses have to come in and shift him, which reactivates the gurgling. Things went like that all afternoon. There is the option of using the dentist sucker thing, but it is really irritating to Kirk and doesn't get much since he can so rarely cough anything up into his mouth. Past that Kirk slept the entire day. No doubt completely worn out from the seizure.
Tim and Deb left seeking food, showers and new clothes. I wasn't alone for more than 5 minutes before Roff and Tiffany waddled in. Tiffany isn't due until the 21st of March, but she's huuuuuge with baby. We sat around, continued to monitor Kirk and talked for hours. I can't remember the last time I spent so much time just straight gabbing about nothing and anything.
By the time they left to find the baby some dinner, Diana was out of class and came to hang out. It was all I could do to make her stay in class until she was finished. Though she reported she was just about worthless and unable to concentrate. Diana's been a very reliable visit companion. She's in love with the Tiffany and Nikki and we've scheduled to meet up tomorrow at the hospice as well.
We'll go day to day like this until it's done. I can't figure out how Kirk has fought for so long. Tiffany says he's holding out to see her baby. Maybe so. Though if I was full of that much morphine, I don't know if I could think it through that well. Regardless, Kirk's nurses tell us that hearing is always the last to go and it's very likely that he can still hear us. So we talk to him a great deal. Tiffany sings. Deb prays. Tim jokes and Roff and I laugh. If not for our situation, we might be having the time of our lives.
Until tomorrow.
-John
PS - Kristina has put up an FTP site. Feel free to drop any celebration of Kirk tunes, pictures, videos (Liz! The skateboard video!) in there. If you don't know how to use ftp or are having any trouble, just let me know. Thanks!
Kirk's day started with a bang. At around 3am last night he suffered a BEAST of a seizure. It lasted for more than 15 minutes. Which of course is totally insane and might kill any of us. Luckily Tim and Deb were sleeping in the room and could get to him even faster than the nurses.
In spite of all that, he's still with us. Way to give us an ounce of accurate info, doctors.
I got over there around noon. I hung out with Tim and Deborah for a while. We talked about the morning's events while we did any small thing we could to make Kirk more comfortable. His breathing is very shallow and very wet. At times even gurgle-ly. This loose phlegm, and various other liquids, in his lungs settle if he stays in the same position. However, he can't stay in one position for too long on account of bed sore prevention. So the nurses have to come in and shift him, which reactivates the gurgling. Things went like that all afternoon. There is the option of using the dentist sucker thing, but it is really irritating to Kirk and doesn't get much since he can so rarely cough anything up into his mouth. Past that Kirk slept the entire day. No doubt completely worn out from the seizure.
Tim and Deb left seeking food, showers and new clothes. I wasn't alone for more than 5 minutes before Roff and Tiffany waddled in. Tiffany isn't due until the 21st of March, but she's huuuuuge with baby. We sat around, continued to monitor Kirk and talked for hours. I can't remember the last time I spent so much time just straight gabbing about nothing and anything.
By the time they left to find the baby some dinner, Diana was out of class and came to hang out. It was all I could do to make her stay in class until she was finished. Though she reported she was just about worthless and unable to concentrate. Diana's been a very reliable visit companion. She's in love with the Tiffany and Nikki and we've scheduled to meet up tomorrow at the hospice as well.
We'll go day to day like this until it's done. I can't figure out how Kirk has fought for so long. Tiffany says he's holding out to see her baby. Maybe so. Though if I was full of that much morphine, I don't know if I could think it through that well. Regardless, Kirk's nurses tell us that hearing is always the last to go and it's very likely that he can still hear us. So we talk to him a great deal. Tiffany sings. Deb prays. Tim jokes and Roff and I laugh. If not for our situation, we might be having the time of our lives.
Until tomorrow.
-John
PS - Kristina has put up an FTP site. Feel free to drop any celebration of Kirk tunes, pictures, videos (Liz! The skateboard video!) in there. If you don't know how to use ftp or are having any trouble, just let me know. Thanks!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.9.09 Midnight
Just another quick one before bed.
Kristina and I got over to the hospice tonight. It's BEAUTIFUL. Like, hardwood floors, nice furniture, fountains in the lobby, door to an outside patio from the room. There's a freaking library there in the building. It's really nice. I'm so so so glad we got out of the hospital.
Kirk is...slowly shutting down. He is spending less and less time awake. His urine is getting more and more pink. His breathing is getting shallow and very wet. I think we're sorta just waiting to see which final system will turn the lights out when they leave. With the exception of some coughing he is very comfortable. He has round the clock attention from the nurses, a soft bed and plenty of warm, fuzzy drugs.
Kristina and I were there for a little while by ourselves. I hooked up a cable to the little stereo in the room so we can play from music from ipods. I put on a 99X mix for him.
Tim and Deb had to go back to the house and grab some things. Decorations for the room, pillows and blankets (so they could camp out in the hospice tonight), extra clothes, etc. When they arrived we sat and talked. They both seem much better prepared to lose Kirk than they were Saturday night. Maybe if we're in the hospice for a couple days they can get a short time out before the whole funeral madness starts.
The buried/cremated issue will be a hot debate, I assure you. Kirk had previously voiced a request, years ago, to be cremated and packed into fireworks. I get the impression that neither Deb nor Tim wants to cremate. I haven't really been involved with these conversations, but I think both are equally good options for completely opposite reasons. Of course you want to follow the wishes of the deceased, however I'm a pretty firm believer that the last person to care about a funeral is the person it's for. I tend to think that funerals are for those left behind. Particularly parents and family. So no word on that yet. Only that both sides have a good argument.
I haven't thanked all you guys for the encouraging words and prayers and stories and photos and LOVE sent this way in the past months/weeks/days. Thank you so much. I think once Kirk gets to where he seems to be headed I'll call everyone.
Speaking of, I've been sketching out ideas in my mind for a party. Outdoors, fire pit, projector for movies, plenty of good food, snacks and candy. Location is a big deal. Obviously Tallahassee would be better for more people, but least good for the Lawrence family. Regardless, I think I will be creating "assignments" of sorts with Tiff and Nikki and distributing them to you. We've got a sizable army here and I'm sure we could make one hell of a monster party. At the very least I might set up a PayPal account and take donations to fund such an event? All up in the air right now. Opinions and ideas appreciated. And CC everyone else when you write me! I want a melting pot of community ideas. Mmmm...melting pot. Maybe we need fondue.
My mind's really racing about this now. Let's also have you guys email me with your specific location. And maybe a brief estimation of your travel availability. Or on a scale of 1-10. Something like:
10 - My bags are already packed. I can be anywhere you want me in 24 hours.
5 - With some notice I can get to a party on a weekend, but I don't have a car.
1 - I would have to sell an organ for gas money, my house is on fire, I'm due to have a baby come out of my body any day now, or if I leave my house the clowns will eat me. (All things we can work on.)
0 - I'm on the other side of the planet. I'd swim back if I thought I would make it in time, but there just isn't any way short of a $3000 plane ticket that I could get there.
I don't mean to put the cart before the horse, but let's definitely start working on this now. Not that a living room hug festival wouldn't be fun and cathartic, but to accomplish even half of the celebration Kirk deserves, it will require a good deal of planning.
-John
Kristina and I got over to the hospice tonight. It's BEAUTIFUL. Like, hardwood floors, nice furniture, fountains in the lobby, door to an outside patio from the room. There's a freaking library there in the building. It's really nice. I'm so so so glad we got out of the hospital.
Kirk is...slowly shutting down. He is spending less and less time awake. His urine is getting more and more pink. His breathing is getting shallow and very wet. I think we're sorta just waiting to see which final system will turn the lights out when they leave. With the exception of some coughing he is very comfortable. He has round the clock attention from the nurses, a soft bed and plenty of warm, fuzzy drugs.
Kristina and I were there for a little while by ourselves. I hooked up a cable to the little stereo in the room so we can play from music from ipods. I put on a 99X mix for him.
Tim and Deb had to go back to the house and grab some things. Decorations for the room, pillows and blankets (so they could camp out in the hospice tonight), extra clothes, etc. When they arrived we sat and talked. They both seem much better prepared to lose Kirk than they were Saturday night. Maybe if we're in the hospice for a couple days they can get a short time out before the whole funeral madness starts.
The buried/cremated issue will be a hot debate, I assure you. Kirk had previously voiced a request, years ago, to be cremated and packed into fireworks. I get the impression that neither Deb nor Tim wants to cremate. I haven't really been involved with these conversations, but I think both are equally good options for completely opposite reasons. Of course you want to follow the wishes of the deceased, however I'm a pretty firm believer that the last person to care about a funeral is the person it's for. I tend to think that funerals are for those left behind. Particularly parents and family. So no word on that yet. Only that both sides have a good argument.
I haven't thanked all you guys for the encouraging words and prayers and stories and photos and LOVE sent this way in the past months/weeks/days. Thank you so much. I think once Kirk gets to where he seems to be headed I'll call everyone.
Speaking of, I've been sketching out ideas in my mind for a party. Outdoors, fire pit, projector for movies, plenty of good food, snacks and candy. Location is a big deal. Obviously Tallahassee would be better for more people, but least good for the Lawrence family. Regardless, I think I will be creating "assignments" of sorts with Tiff and Nikki and distributing them to you. We've got a sizable army here and I'm sure we could make one hell of a monster party. At the very least I might set up a PayPal account and take donations to fund such an event? All up in the air right now. Opinions and ideas appreciated. And CC everyone else when you write me! I want a melting pot of community ideas. Mmmm...melting pot. Maybe we need fondue.
My mind's really racing about this now. Let's also have you guys email me with your specific location. And maybe a brief estimation of your travel availability. Or on a scale of 1-10. Something like:
10 - My bags are already packed. I can be anywhere you want me in 24 hours.
5 - With some notice I can get to a party on a weekend, but I don't have a car.
1 - I would have to sell an organ for gas money, my house is on fire, I'm due to have a baby come out of my body any day now, or if I leave my house the clowns will eat me. (All things we can work on.)
0 - I'm on the other side of the planet. I'd swim back if I thought I would make it in time, but there just isn't any way short of a $3000 plane ticket that I could get there.
I don't mean to put the cart before the horse, but let's definitely start working on this now. Not that a living room hug festival wouldn't be fun and cathartic, but to accomplish even half of the celebration Kirk deserves, it will require a good deal of planning.
-John
Monday, February 9, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.9.09, 5:30
Just a quick note. Kirk is at the hospice. It didn't occur to me that of all the benefits of the hospice, another fantastic one is that the entire staff is on the same page. Ya know? No more questions for Deb and Tim, "Are we going to try this/that?", etc. So that's good.
Oh! I also forgot to encourage you all to start CCing everyone else on your emails. Not just me. It'll mean a lot of full mailboxes...cause there is DEFINITELY a lot of mail flying around...but i figure a lot of us know each other well from school, but I doubt anyone but Kirk knows everyone on this list. Some on The List might not know anyone else on it. It would be dumb to not bring together all the people feeling the same pain. So, let's work on that.
One love my people.
-John
Oh! I also forgot to encourage you all to start CCing everyone else on your emails. Not just me. It'll mean a lot of full mailboxes...cause there is DEFINITELY a lot of mail flying around...but i figure a lot of us know each other well from school, but I doubt anyone but Kirk knows everyone on this list. Some on The List might not know anyone else on it. It would be dumb to not bring together all the people feeling the same pain. So, let's work on that.
One love my people.
-John
Kirk Update - 2.9.09, Noon
Sorry about the lack of midnight email last night! I just got done with what turned into a 15 hour shift at the hospital. I'm gonna get this email off real quick before I pass out.
Kirk was moved to a new, larger room early last night. Originally, it was to try some kind of complicated oxygen mask, but that was shot down on account of it would be a major pain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIRna9Q4l_g) for him. And besides the regular mask is getting the job done. The increased room size allowed us to steal more chairs and have everyone sitting comfortably. With exception of the nurse who once literally squatted at her computer for a minute instead of asking for her chair back out of our room. WellStar Douglas nurses = Love +10.
We watched The Simpsons and Family Guy. Or more accurately those were on while we ran our mouths some more about everything under the sun. We are NEVER short of things (and occasionally people) to talk about. Once you stop crying, there's really a fun time to be had. This continued through the Grammy Awards which made me think I need to bring some CDs over to the hospital. We have so many movies, but not enough music.
Sometime around 11:30 the Lawrences left to go sleep and be rested for more hospital this morning. Meanwhile I was wide awake from my nap and Roffelle wasn't planning on leaving either. Though he MUST be tired. He's taking such good care of Tiffany, and finding/cleaning/moving their new apartment, AND staying up all night with Kirk. I saw him in and out of sleep last night for no more than 3 hours. He's a machine. Especially to be able to jump up out of sleep, I swear, and help the nurses and me change Kirk's bedsheets. This is quite a physical ordeal due to his size and weight. It will be a strong factor in the decision to take him to a hospice over trying to care for him at the house.
Through all of this mess we watched movies. We saw Taken (B-), Step Brothers (B-), Trading Places, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Goonies got started when I left this morning. Kirk was in and out of sleep in the night as well, but sometime around 5am he started grabbing for his oxygen mask and trying to pull it off. I fixed the mask back on his mouth and held his hand. He responded with some pretty strong grip strength. I was surprised. He would also open his eyes wide (about half way open is "wide" these days) during the funny parts in the movies. I don't mean to suggest that Kirk was much for actively watching the movies, but if he has much concentration about anything, it's the TV or nurses poking/washing/moving him. Between the movies, goofing off with Roffelle and playing games with the night nurses (like "Guess How Much Pee Is In the Bag Before She Measures It") I had a great time.
On the whole, Kirk isn't much better than yesterday. The current hypothesis is that if they run a tube through his nose (a mild irritation compared to a surgically-installed feeding tube) they can make sure some soup makes it to his stomach (as opposed to his lungs) and the calories might give him some energy. I think this is the last service the hospital can offer before a comfy bed and comfy drugs are all he needs. Both of which are in no short supply at the hospice. I presume he'll have been moved there by the time I wake up this afternoon since they already have one picked out.
I think our Little Engine That Could has the station in sight. We'll see what he does with the new caloric energy though. For now I'm gonna go take about 400 cc's of sleep-aclilin. I'll be back at the hospital again tonight though. I don't PLAN on being there all night, so hopefully you'll get another email from me before tomorrow.
xoxoxo,
-John
Kirk was moved to a new, larger room early last night. Originally, it was to try some kind of complicated oxygen mask, but that was shot down on account of it would be a major pain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIRna9Q4l_g) for him. And besides the regular mask is getting the job done. The increased room size allowed us to steal more chairs and have everyone sitting comfortably. With exception of the nurse who once literally squatted at her computer for a minute instead of asking for her chair back out of our room. WellStar Douglas nurses = Love +10.
We watched The Simpsons and Family Guy. Or more accurately those were on while we ran our mouths some more about everything under the sun. We are NEVER short of things (and occasionally people) to talk about. Once you stop crying, there's really a fun time to be had. This continued through the Grammy Awards which made me think I need to bring some CDs over to the hospital. We have so many movies, but not enough music.
Sometime around 11:30 the Lawrences left to go sleep and be rested for more hospital this morning. Meanwhile I was wide awake from my nap and Roffelle wasn't planning on leaving either. Though he MUST be tired. He's taking such good care of Tiffany, and finding/cleaning/moving their new apartment, AND staying up all night with Kirk. I saw him in and out of sleep last night for no more than 3 hours. He's a machine. Especially to be able to jump up out of sleep, I swear, and help the nurses and me change Kirk's bedsheets. This is quite a physical ordeal due to his size and weight. It will be a strong factor in the decision to take him to a hospice over trying to care for him at the house.
Through all of this mess we watched movies. We saw Taken (B-), Step Brothers (B-), Trading Places, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Goonies got started when I left this morning. Kirk was in and out of sleep in the night as well, but sometime around 5am he started grabbing for his oxygen mask and trying to pull it off. I fixed the mask back on his mouth and held his hand. He responded with some pretty strong grip strength. I was surprised. He would also open his eyes wide (about half way open is "wide" these days) during the funny parts in the movies. I don't mean to suggest that Kirk was much for actively watching the movies, but if he has much concentration about anything, it's the TV or nurses poking/washing/moving him. Between the movies, goofing off with Roffelle and playing games with the night nurses (like "Guess How Much Pee Is In the Bag Before She Measures It") I had a great time.
On the whole, Kirk isn't much better than yesterday. The current hypothesis is that if they run a tube through his nose (a mild irritation compared to a surgically-installed feeding tube) they can make sure some soup makes it to his stomach (as opposed to his lungs) and the calories might give him some energy. I think this is the last service the hospital can offer before a comfy bed and comfy drugs are all he needs. Both of which are in no short supply at the hospice. I presume he'll have been moved there by the time I wake up this afternoon since they already have one picked out.
I think our Little Engine That Could has the station in sight. We'll see what he does with the new caloric energy though. For now I'm gonna go take about 400 cc's of sleep-aclilin. I'll be back at the hospital again tonight though. I don't PLAN on being there all night, so hopefully you'll get another email from me before tomorrow.
xoxoxo,
-John
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Kirk Update 2.8.09, Mid Day
Hello!
I've really about had it with doctors. In direct contrast with everything we've been told in the last 24 hours, Kirk is awake and doing much much better. Not great, but still better.
Roffelle (I've been spelling it Raphael...I didn't know!) was there all night...ALL NIGHT...reading scripture to Kirk and keeping watch over him. The nurses told him that we had left minutes before, so this is around 1am last night. So he starts reading, and Kirk coughs and opens his eyes a crack. Roffelle is shocked and asks Kirk if he's there. Kirk raises his right hand for their handshake/snap they do. Freaking adorable.
It was after this that Roffelle called Tiffany. She sang to him on the phone and told him she loved him. He scratched out a weak "I love you too". Roffelle said he was ready to run up and down the halls high five-ing nurses. They spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep and watching anime cartoons.
I got there early this morning. Close to 9:00. Kirk was awake and greeted me with eye contact. He's not much for talking, but he'll respond sometimes with a nod. He's pretty grumpy as you might expect. His sole motivation for moving is to pull his oxygen mask off. Once he wasn't content to just have it off his mouth. He kept tugging at it until Roffelle and I took it off of him. Other times he'll try messing with his IV needle and you have to swat his hand away.
Nurse Kathy is his day nurse. She came in to wash Kirk and change his bed. Let me tell you, she quickly recruited us to help move his body. He weighs SO MUCH when he can't help. It took all three of us multiple tries to slide him 2 inches back to line his hips up with where they are supposed to be for his bed. This is the real clincher for whether or not Kirk will return home or be in a hospice. Without 3-4 trained dudes on call, the Lawrences will not be able to move him.
Then Kathy got out a dentist-like sucker device to catch any phlegm/blood Kirk could cough up. After a couple tries his breathing became much more normal. No more Darth Vader.
Diana and the rest of the family and came a little while after. They didn't skip finding clean clothes and a shower before coming like I did. Heh. They were just SO PLEASED to see Kirk with his eye open and out of his semi-coma. Tiffany sang a little to him while Nikki rubbed his head. Tim and Deborah unloaded hugs and kisses.
Roffelle and I inspected the TV in his room and confirmed that there were video inputs on the back. Against the wishes of the nurse staff we stepped out to the Lawrence house to get a dvd player and some movies.
While we were gone, Tiffany called and requested food for her and the baby. We stopped to pick up subs on the way back. Then, once we got back to the room, we had to have someone hold the subs in the hallway before Kirk saw or smelled them and wanted to eat them. The nurses have approved ice chips and POSSIBLY...popcicles. So we'll work on that first.
Before eating our lunch in the cafeteria we got the dvd player hooked up and started Trading Places for him. He maintains pretty good focus on the TV though he occasionally falls asleep a little.
I'm convinced that Kirk's doctors have no idea what to do. His indian neurologist came in the morning. He smiled and shrugged at me as he walked in. Hell, I can do that. Where's my PHD? I think part of the problem is just inexperience with cancer patients that are so young. They tell us that by all science and logic, Kirk should be steadily on his way out. They've discussed the possibility of doing further testing/scanning to determine the progress of the tumors, but so far have concluded that there is no point since they won't be doing chemo treatment, etc.
Kirk is very confortable and well medicated, but if he isn't going to require the full services of the hospital for testing, he will get moved to a hospice. I was sorta hoping we could skip that step, if for no other reason, for the sake of the Lawrences emotions. They need to see Kirk at peace and not fighting and strugling to stay alive.
It's nap time, but I'll be back at the hospital later and will give a new update late tonight.
-John
I've really about had it with doctors. In direct contrast with everything we've been told in the last 24 hours, Kirk is awake and doing much much better. Not great, but still better.
Roffelle (I've been spelling it Raphael...I didn't know!) was there all night...ALL NIGHT...reading scripture to Kirk and keeping watch over him. The nurses told him that we had left minutes before, so this is around 1am last night. So he starts reading, and Kirk coughs and opens his eyes a crack. Roffelle is shocked and asks Kirk if he's there. Kirk raises his right hand for their handshake/snap they do. Freaking adorable.
It was after this that Roffelle called Tiffany. She sang to him on the phone and told him she loved him. He scratched out a weak "I love you too". Roffelle said he was ready to run up and down the halls high five-ing nurses. They spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep and watching anime cartoons.
I got there early this morning. Close to 9:00. Kirk was awake and greeted me with eye contact. He's not much for talking, but he'll respond sometimes with a nod. He's pretty grumpy as you might expect. His sole motivation for moving is to pull his oxygen mask off. Once he wasn't content to just have it off his mouth. He kept tugging at it until Roffelle and I took it off of him. Other times he'll try messing with his IV needle and you have to swat his hand away.
Nurse Kathy is his day nurse. She came in to wash Kirk and change his bed. Let me tell you, she quickly recruited us to help move his body. He weighs SO MUCH when he can't help. It took all three of us multiple tries to slide him 2 inches back to line his hips up with where they are supposed to be for his bed. This is the real clincher for whether or not Kirk will return home or be in a hospice. Without 3-4 trained dudes on call, the Lawrences will not be able to move him.
Then Kathy got out a dentist-like sucker device to catch any phlegm/blood Kirk could cough up. After a couple tries his breathing became much more normal. No more Darth Vader.
Diana and the rest of the family and came a little while after. They didn't skip finding clean clothes and a shower before coming like I did. Heh. They were just SO PLEASED to see Kirk with his eye open and out of his semi-coma. Tiffany sang a little to him while Nikki rubbed his head. Tim and Deborah unloaded hugs and kisses.
Roffelle and I inspected the TV in his room and confirmed that there were video inputs on the back. Against the wishes of the nurse staff we stepped out to the Lawrence house to get a dvd player and some movies.
While we were gone, Tiffany called and requested food for her and the baby. We stopped to pick up subs on the way back. Then, once we got back to the room, we had to have someone hold the subs in the hallway before Kirk saw or smelled them and wanted to eat them. The nurses have approved ice chips and POSSIBLY...popcicles. So we'll work on that first.
Before eating our lunch in the cafeteria we got the dvd player hooked up and started Trading Places for him. He maintains pretty good focus on the TV though he occasionally falls asleep a little.
I'm convinced that Kirk's doctors have no idea what to do. His indian neurologist came in the morning. He smiled and shrugged at me as he walked in. Hell, I can do that. Where's my PHD? I think part of the problem is just inexperience with cancer patients that are so young. They tell us that by all science and logic, Kirk should be steadily on his way out. They've discussed the possibility of doing further testing/scanning to determine the progress of the tumors, but so far have concluded that there is no point since they won't be doing chemo treatment, etc.
Kirk is very confortable and well medicated, but if he isn't going to require the full services of the hospital for testing, he will get moved to a hospice. I was sorta hoping we could skip that step, if for no other reason, for the sake of the Lawrences emotions. They need to see Kirk at peace and not fighting and strugling to stay alive.
It's nap time, but I'll be back at the hospital later and will give a new update late tonight.
-John
Kirk Update - 2.8.09, Kirk's Awake
People, I don't know much. Other than Kirk is AWAKE.
Tiffany just called me. She said that after we left the hospital, Raphael went back over to the hospital to be with Kirk and read scripture. And sometime around 3am, Kirk woke up and started watching anime cartoons with him. Raphael calls Tiffany and she tells Kirk she loves him, etc. Through swollen tongues and scratchy throats he manages an "I love you too".
Why I'm just hearing about this NOW is something I can beat someone up about once I'm there.
So, Kirk is defying medical science right now. Diana just pointed out that "of course Kirk would go zombie on us". I'm getting my stuff together and will report back to Kristina or Diana who can email you guys while I'm out.
-John
Tiffany just called me. She said that after we left the hospital, Raphael went back over to the hospital to be with Kirk and read scripture. And sometime around 3am, Kirk woke up and started watching anime cartoons with him. Raphael calls Tiffany and she tells Kirk she loves him, etc. Through swollen tongues and scratchy throats he manages an "I love you too".
Why I'm just hearing about this NOW is something I can beat someone up about once I'm there.
So, Kirk is defying medical science right now. Diana just pointed out that "of course Kirk would go zombie on us". I'm getting my stuff together and will report back to Kristina or Diana who can email you guys while I'm out.
-John
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.7.09 Evening
First let me correct myself. This morning I said they did an MRI. I misunderstood Miss Debbie. Though they had planned on doing the MRI, they decided not to because they knew that it would only confirm what was obvious: the tumor was growing, putting pressure on his circulatory system, and depleting his brain function.
The strategy for today has been stability and comfort. They did pump his lungs again today to draw out any remaining blood. After, his breathing got a little deeper and much much less "wet" sounding.
I stayed by Kirk's bed for somewhere between 30 min to an hour. He makes small movements...like you might if you were dreaming...but occasionally very deliberate ones. For instance his oxygen mask was slipping off his chin. I offered to help get it back on and before I could touch the mask, he turned his head away from me. Stubborn to the end. I read him all my text messages and emails from everyone and let him know about all the people on this email list. I truly believe he was there inside his body listening. He seemed it. I was glad to be able to give him a deliberate time to think of all of you.
The rest of the day I sat in the waiting room with the family. We talked for HOURS today. About Kirk, about Tiffany's pregnancy, about modern education and the state of the country. These people are amazing and I'm so glad to have had the opportunity to be with them through these times.
Sometime around 6:30 the hospital staff has a shift change. Kirk's doctors convened and looked at his statistics. They called Tim and Deborah back to give them the bad news...
~The Bad News~
Kirk cannot have another seizure. If he does, it will likely be his last. So to prevent this, they've nearly doubled his anti-seizure medication. WHICH, is weakening his already weakened (by the seizures) heart. They can't take him off the medication unless he comes to. And if he goes into cardiac arrest, he's DNR. Kirk's balancing on the edge of a knife and the doctors don't think he will live to see the morning.
Deborah Lawrence is OFFICIALLY the strongest person I've ever witnessed.
She cried a great deal and led us in a prayer. A prayer for Kirk but primarily a prayer for the rest of us. She prayed for the strength to survive her son. And the strength to fight the devil that wants to break her down. She prayed for her children, her extended family, her children's unborn children and her bearded, white son.
I've only come home to write some email, grab some food and go back to the hospital. I just couldn't see myself sitting around the house under the circumstances.
I honestly hope Kirk can pass away soon and shed his "Chubbly Bubbly Suit" he's trapped in with comfort and with his family beside him. Should he stay in this state for very long it will be a tragedy for the hearts and minds of everyone. We started this in October and 5 months is a long time to have to hold your breath.
I'll continue to keep everyone updated and, should the inevitable happen, be assigning party-planning responsibilities. Gather ye sour patch kids while ye may.
-John
The strategy for today has been stability and comfort. They did pump his lungs again today to draw out any remaining blood. After, his breathing got a little deeper and much much less "wet" sounding.
I stayed by Kirk's bed for somewhere between 30 min to an hour. He makes small movements...like you might if you were dreaming...but occasionally very deliberate ones. For instance his oxygen mask was slipping off his chin. I offered to help get it back on and before I could touch the mask, he turned his head away from me. Stubborn to the end. I read him all my text messages and emails from everyone and let him know about all the people on this email list. I truly believe he was there inside his body listening. He seemed it. I was glad to be able to give him a deliberate time to think of all of you.
The rest of the day I sat in the waiting room with the family. We talked for HOURS today. About Kirk, about Tiffany's pregnancy, about modern education and the state of the country. These people are amazing and I'm so glad to have had the opportunity to be with them through these times.
Sometime around 6:30 the hospital staff has a shift change. Kirk's doctors convened and looked at his statistics. They called Tim and Deborah back to give them the bad news...
~The Bad News~
Kirk cannot have another seizure. If he does, it will likely be his last. So to prevent this, they've nearly doubled his anti-seizure medication. WHICH, is weakening his already weakened (by the seizures) heart. They can't take him off the medication unless he comes to. And if he goes into cardiac arrest, he's DNR. Kirk's balancing on the edge of a knife and the doctors don't think he will live to see the morning.
Deborah Lawrence is OFFICIALLY the strongest person I've ever witnessed.
She cried a great deal and led us in a prayer. A prayer for Kirk but primarily a prayer for the rest of us. She prayed for the strength to survive her son. And the strength to fight the devil that wants to break her down. She prayed for her children, her extended family, her children's unborn children and her bearded, white son.
I've only come home to write some email, grab some food and go back to the hospital. I just couldn't see myself sitting around the house under the circumstances.
I honestly hope Kirk can pass away soon and shed his "Chubbly Bubbly Suit" he's trapped in with comfort and with his family beside him. Should he stay in this state for very long it will be a tragedy for the hearts and minds of everyone. We started this in October and 5 months is a long time to have to hold your breath.
I'll continue to keep everyone updated and, should the inevitable happen, be assigning party-planning responsibilities. Gather ye sour patch kids while ye may.
-John
Kirk Update - 2.7.09
I'm about to head out to the hospital. I've talked to Deborah. The neurologist has seen Kirk and says that he has brain function. This was confirmed by Kirk trying to take out his mouth guard and remove his oxygen mask in the night. Two things he's uncomfortable wearing, I think.
However.
The MRI came back and showed that the cancer is pretty much running rampant. This would explain why Kirk hasn't opened his eyes at all, but still shows enough brain function to do so. His doctors remain amazed that he is still with us at all and continue to prepare Kirk's family for the worst. Kirk's heart is significantly weakened, and should he go into cardiac arrest he's DNR, as we all know.
Soooooo, I'll be relaying all kinds of messages to him today. Anything specific you'd like him to know, you can text me today. Again, more info as it's available. Get the torches of Minas Tirith ready. There's no telling when we'll have to put out The Call.
-John
However.
The MRI came back and showed that the cancer is pretty much running rampant. This would explain why Kirk hasn't opened his eyes at all, but still shows enough brain function to do so. His doctors remain amazed that he is still with us at all and continue to prepare Kirk's family for the worst. Kirk's heart is significantly weakened, and should he go into cardiac arrest he's DNR, as we all know.
Soooooo, I'll be relaying all kinds of messages to him today. Anything specific you'd like him to know, you can text me today. Again, more info as it's available. Get the torches of Minas Tirith ready. There's no telling when we'll have to put out The Call.
-John
Kirk Update - 2.6.09, DefCon2
Friends,
After tonight I feel confident moving us to DefCon2. Yes, a higher DefCon is better: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DEFCON. I'll go ahead and admit that I really only know that from the movie War Games.
SO...here's what went down this afternoon. Kirk was at home and sustained a series of fairly traumatic seizures. During which he bit/gashed his tongue pretty severely. I know he didn't bite anything off, but the word 'hemorrhaging' was being tossed around. The damage was enough to inhale a fair bit of blood into his lungs. At the hospital they drained his lungs as best they could, but their main concern seemed to be to stabilize and sedate him. Kirk is in the E.R. and unconscious at this point. We were told that unconscious is good because it means he is less likely to trigger any further seizures.
(Oh, speaking of E.R., one of the nurses was wearing a vest. On the back it read "E.R. You watch it. We live it." I didn't know exactly how to take that.)
Kristina and I sat through an hour of Atlanta traffic (5:00 on a Friday and leaving the city) before meeting the Lawrences in the ICU waiting room. Deborah was understandably upset. However I knew that the more people she had around her to be strong in front of, the easier she might be able to take things. Tiffany, even 8 months pregnant, is solid as a rock. She has been ever since the beginning. She sat with Rafael and we traded ridiculous stories about Kirk with various family members in the waiting room. We didn't see Tim for a while. I was concerned he might handcuff himself to Kirk's bed. He's less outwardly emotional, but it's plain to see how much Kirk's suffering hurts him. Nikki was there from Athens. She's very soft emotionally, but you can tell that as much as she's concerned for Kirk, she's the first to react with strength for Tim and Deborah and attend to them when they need support.
Kirk was moved from the ER to ICU shortly after we arrived. Everyone paired up and took turns seeing him for a few minutes. He was nothing short of ZONKED OUT when we went in. To look at him you might guess he was sleeping. He was laid up in the bed and breathing loudly with an oxygen mask over his mouth. No breathing tube or anything, but he has to wear a rubber mouthpiece to protect his mouth in the event of another seizure. His breathing was a little shallow and wet from the remaining fluids in his lungs. They told us they didn't want to touch/move him too much risking a new seizure and that tomorrow, should he wake up, they'll finish pumping his lungs.
Kristina and I stood by him for a few moments and relayed messages of love from people. We watched his vitals on the screen and noticed an elevated heart rate. I assume that the seizures took a toll on his heart and it might be beating more to get the job done. I'll let you know for sure when my PHD comes in the mail. We didn't stay very long on the off chance that Kirk knew we were there and we were keeping him from sleeping.
~The Good News~
The nurses noted that though he was "mostly unconscious" when they cleaned the blood from his mouth/nose he winced and resisted slightly. This was likely volluntary. While in ICU, he moved his legs, attempted to reposition his blankets and faintly squeezed Nikki's hand. He also motioned to his mouth and tried to get the mask/mouthpiece away. All good things. They also commented how Kirk's body was so well cared for. Clean, groomed, healthy skin, no bed sores, etc. Tim and Deborah were proud from the commendation.
~The Plan~
Tonight a neurologist is going to inspect his brain activity and tomorrow morning they've scheduled an MRI. I think the results of these exams and his condition in the next 12 hours will tell us a lot. I'm going back over to the hospital tomorrow morning. Hopefully we'll have results from the exams and have a better of idea of Kirk's condition.
Kirk and his family (and me too) know you all are thinking of them. Please don't "feel silly" (Miss Morgan) doing the regular things you need to do in your lives while you know someone is sick. Tiffany and Deborah both noticed how often my phone went off tonight with calls and texts. They know Kirk's got an army of friends behind him that love him. It definitely helps. It helps me too because I get to have a job to do instead of 'hurry up and wait'.
More intel from the front as it's received, troops. xoxo
-John
After tonight I feel confident moving us to DefCon2. Yes, a higher DefCon is better: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DEFCON. I'll go ahead and admit that I really only know that from the movie War Games.
SO...here's what went down this afternoon. Kirk was at home and sustained a series of fairly traumatic seizures. During which he bit/gashed his tongue pretty severely. I know he didn't bite anything off, but the word 'hemorrhaging' was being tossed around. The damage was enough to inhale a fair bit of blood into his lungs. At the hospital they drained his lungs as best they could, but their main concern seemed to be to stabilize and sedate him. Kirk is in the E.R. and unconscious at this point. We were told that unconscious is good because it means he is less likely to trigger any further seizures.
(Oh, speaking of E.R., one of the nurses was wearing a vest. On the back it read "E.R. You watch it. We live it." I didn't know exactly how to take that.)
Kristina and I sat through an hour of Atlanta traffic (5:00 on a Friday and leaving the city) before meeting the Lawrences in the ICU waiting room. Deborah was understandably upset. However I knew that the more people she had around her to be strong in front of, the easier she might be able to take things. Tiffany, even 8 months pregnant, is solid as a rock. She has been ever since the beginning. She sat with Rafael and we traded ridiculous stories about Kirk with various family members in the waiting room. We didn't see Tim for a while. I was concerned he might handcuff himself to Kirk's bed. He's less outwardly emotional, but it's plain to see how much Kirk's suffering hurts him. Nikki was there from Athens. She's very soft emotionally, but you can tell that as much as she's concerned for Kirk, she's the first to react with strength for Tim and Deborah and attend to them when they need support.
Kirk was moved from the ER to ICU shortly after we arrived. Everyone paired up and took turns seeing him for a few minutes. He was nothing short of ZONKED OUT when we went in. To look at him you might guess he was sleeping. He was laid up in the bed and breathing loudly with an oxygen mask over his mouth. No breathing tube or anything, but he has to wear a rubber mouthpiece to protect his mouth in the event of another seizure. His breathing was a little shallow and wet from the remaining fluids in his lungs. They told us they didn't want to touch/move him too much risking a new seizure and that tomorrow, should he wake up, they'll finish pumping his lungs.
Kristina and I stood by him for a few moments and relayed messages of love from people. We watched his vitals on the screen and noticed an elevated heart rate. I assume that the seizures took a toll on his heart and it might be beating more to get the job done. I'll let you know for sure when my PHD comes in the mail. We didn't stay very long on the off chance that Kirk knew we were there and we were keeping him from sleeping.
~The Good News~
The nurses noted that though he was "mostly unconscious" when they cleaned the blood from his mouth/nose he winced and resisted slightly. This was likely volluntary. While in ICU, he moved his legs, attempted to reposition his blankets and faintly squeezed Nikki's hand. He also motioned to his mouth and tried to get the mask/mouthpiece away. All good things. They also commented how Kirk's body was so well cared for. Clean, groomed, healthy skin, no bed sores, etc. Tim and Deborah were proud from the commendation.
~The Plan~
Tonight a neurologist is going to inspect his brain activity and tomorrow morning they've scheduled an MRI. I think the results of these exams and his condition in the next 12 hours will tell us a lot. I'm going back over to the hospital tomorrow morning. Hopefully we'll have results from the exams and have a better of idea of Kirk's condition.
Kirk and his family (and me too) know you all are thinking of them. Please don't "feel silly" (Miss Morgan) doing the regular things you need to do in your lives while you know someone is sick. Tiffany and Deborah both noticed how often my phone went off tonight with calls and texts. They know Kirk's got an army of friends behind him that love him. It definitely helps. It helps me too because I get to have a job to do instead of 'hurry up and wait'.
More intel from the front as it's received, troops. xoxo
-John
Friday, February 6, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.6.09, DefCon1
Friends,
First let me say that as far as any of us knows, Kirk is still with us. However, today he has suffered multiple seizures and is unconscious in ICU. He will not be put on life support (per his wishes) should it come to that. I don't know much more than that until I get to the hospital, I just received word from Deborah a few minutes ago.
Phone calls to come very soon.
I'll be writing more updates today as I get information. Stay tuned.
-John
First let me say that as far as any of us knows, Kirk is still with us. However, today he has suffered multiple seizures and is unconscious in ICU. He will not be put on life support (per his wishes) should it come to that. I don't know much more than that until I get to the hospital, I just received word from Deborah a few minutes ago.
Phone calls to come very soon.
I'll be writing more updates today as I get information. Stay tuned.
-John
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Kirk Update - 2.3.09
Hello, everyone!
It's been some time since my last update. Things have just been really busy and SICK. First my Dad, then me, then Kristina. So it has pretty much kept me from seeing the Lawrences as often as I'd like to. Near Christmas was the worst. Not many fevers (which are the biggest worry for Kirk), but everyone caught the mystery bug that was going around. Put everyone on a couch for about a week. Though during that time I did see Kirk online much more often. It's very difficult to determine when though. But if you're online as much as I am, you might see him pop up on AIM.
Andrew and I stopped by on Christmas Eve to drop off The Dark Knight for Kirk and some stuff for the rest of the family. Tiffany met me at the door and said she was going to leave a key so I could lock up when I left. The rest of the family was already out finishing Christmas shopping and she was leaving to do the same. So they were already planning on leaving Kirk by himself at the house which I thought showed a great deal of confidence.
The three of us sat around watching TV. It was pretty late in the evening so Kirk was a little more tired and less responsive than usual. He's very selective about what he'll respond to. If something's funny he'll respond immediately. If you ask a question he doesn't know the answer to, he doesn't say anything. It's very Jekyll/Hyde because it will go back and forth within seconds.
His concentration is very 1 dimensional. He'll talk to you from across the room, OR fix himself a drink, OR laugh at the TV. But interrupt one of those with conversation and he doesn't catch it. Though communication success is closely tied to the hour. Earlier is better. And even better still if he's not hungry and thinkin about food.
Bryan stayed in town until nearly the third week of January so we got over there for a couple of afternoons. (Kirk's 'morning' routine is getting later in the day. He's up and ready by about 1 now instead of 11 or so.) We watched King of Queens. Say what you want about Paul Blart, Kevin James is funny. Kirk still laughs at all kinds of comedy. Physical comedy, word play, facial expressions...all good. And not just responding to comedy. He'll make his own jokes about what's going on.
For instance, we watched Matthew McConaughey's Reign of Fire. If you haven't had the pleasure, it's about fighting dragons in the near future. It is ridiculous and fantastic. Kirk, Bryan and I made up a game where we pretend McConaughey doesn't know he's in a movie and is just genuinely responding to the threat of dragons. Which explains why they had to cast Christian Bale because such mighty acting chops would be necessary to keep up with McConaughey making stuff up on the fly. ALSO, McConaughey makes random grunting noises in the movie. I have NO idea why. Kirk thinks it would be a good opportunity to drink every time he does. Very funny stuff.
Kirk received a care package from Crystal in Japan. He taught me The Japanese Candy Game. The need for the game comes somewhat from not being able to read the packaging but primarily from the random nature of Japanese candy. Is it gum or a cookie? Is it sweet or sour?...etc. All questions you must ask and answer for yourself with the foreign candy already in your mouth because you'd have no way of knowing by looking at it.
Kirk has sorta leveled off on his "improvements". Previously he seemed better and better every time I saw him. I still suspect this is from coming off of his meds. He has also been seeing a physical therapist a couple times a week. They come over and have him perform exercises (some I couldn't do, like stand on one leg while pushing your other straight leg backwards). The results are sent to Medicare or something? And he sees the therapist as long as Medicare thinks he needs to? I don't know how that works. Or doesn't work as the case likely is with Medicare.
Physically, he's still very strong. I occasionally give him a hand off the couch if I'm standing there (he doesn't really NEED it) and you can feel the strength in his arm. I don't know how it hasn't atrophied. Kirk is also very VERY swollen. Chubbly Bubbly, as I call him. Maybe both can be attributed to steroids? Dunno.
So that's how our boy has been the past couple months. Still truckin. No word from any of his doctors to suggest that anything should change soon. Though I still prepare myself for the worst.
A couple of you have mentioned wanting to come up soon. Things are pretty nuts in Marietta. Kristina and I are moving to a condo in Roswell (15 min east) very soon. There will still be a guest bedroom and plenty of couches over there so that's not a problem. I just wouldn't be able to be a proper host during the move. Which could be as soon as this weekend? I need to schedule movers, etc. But I will keep everyone posted on that. If you want to come up, just let me know when and we'll sort it out.
TTFN, kids.
-John
It's been some time since my last update. Things have just been really busy and SICK. First my Dad, then me, then Kristina. So it has pretty much kept me from seeing the Lawrences as often as I'd like to. Near Christmas was the worst. Not many fevers (which are the biggest worry for Kirk), but everyone caught the mystery bug that was going around. Put everyone on a couch for about a week. Though during that time I did see Kirk online much more often. It's very difficult to determine when though. But if you're online as much as I am, you might see him pop up on AIM.
Andrew and I stopped by on Christmas Eve to drop off The Dark Knight for Kirk and some stuff for the rest of the family. Tiffany met me at the door and said she was going to leave a key so I could lock up when I left. The rest of the family was already out finishing Christmas shopping and she was leaving to do the same. So they were already planning on leaving Kirk by himself at the house which I thought showed a great deal of confidence.
The three of us sat around watching TV. It was pretty late in the evening so Kirk was a little more tired and less responsive than usual. He's very selective about what he'll respond to. If something's funny he'll respond immediately. If you ask a question he doesn't know the answer to, he doesn't say anything. It's very Jekyll/Hyde because it will go back and forth within seconds.
His concentration is very 1 dimensional. He'll talk to you from across the room, OR fix himself a drink, OR laugh at the TV. But interrupt one of those with conversation and he doesn't catch it. Though communication success is closely tied to the hour. Earlier is better. And even better still if he's not hungry and thinkin about food.
Bryan stayed in town until nearly the third week of January so we got over there for a couple of afternoons. (Kirk's 'morning' routine is getting later in the day. He's up and ready by about 1 now instead of 11 or so.) We watched King of Queens. Say what you want about Paul Blart, Kevin James is funny. Kirk still laughs at all kinds of comedy. Physical comedy, word play, facial expressions...all good. And not just responding to comedy. He'll make his own jokes about what's going on.
For instance, we watched Matthew McConaughey's Reign of Fire. If you haven't had the pleasure, it's about fighting dragons in the near future. It is ridiculous and fantastic. Kirk, Bryan and I made up a game where we pretend McConaughey doesn't know he's in a movie and is just genuinely responding to the threat of dragons. Which explains why they had to cast Christian Bale because such mighty acting chops would be necessary to keep up with McConaughey making stuff up on the fly. ALSO, McConaughey makes random grunting noises in the movie. I have NO idea why. Kirk thinks it would be a good opportunity to drink every time he does. Very funny stuff.
Kirk received a care package from Crystal in Japan. He taught me The Japanese Candy Game. The need for the game comes somewhat from not being able to read the packaging but primarily from the random nature of Japanese candy. Is it gum or a cookie? Is it sweet or sour?...etc. All questions you must ask and answer for yourself with the foreign candy already in your mouth because you'd have no way of knowing by looking at it.
Kirk has sorta leveled off on his "improvements". Previously he seemed better and better every time I saw him. I still suspect this is from coming off of his meds. He has also been seeing a physical therapist a couple times a week. They come over and have him perform exercises (some I couldn't do, like stand on one leg while pushing your other straight leg backwards). The results are sent to Medicare or something? And he sees the therapist as long as Medicare thinks he needs to? I don't know how that works. Or doesn't work as the case likely is with Medicare.
Physically, he's still very strong. I occasionally give him a hand off the couch if I'm standing there (he doesn't really NEED it) and you can feel the strength in his arm. I don't know how it hasn't atrophied. Kirk is also very VERY swollen. Chubbly Bubbly, as I call him. Maybe both can be attributed to steroids? Dunno.
So that's how our boy has been the past couple months. Still truckin. No word from any of his doctors to suggest that anything should change soon. Though I still prepare myself for the worst.
A couple of you have mentioned wanting to come up soon. Things are pretty nuts in Marietta. Kristina and I are moving to a condo in Roswell (15 min east) very soon. There will still be a guest bedroom and plenty of couches over there so that's not a problem. I just wouldn't be able to be a proper host during the move. Which could be as soon as this weekend? I need to schedule movers, etc. But I will keep everyone posted on that. If you want to come up, just let me know when and we'll sort it out.
TTFN, kids.
-John
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