Kirk Update - Louisville Funeral Recap

Friends,

I thought those of you who could not attend might appreciate my thoughts on Kirk's funeral services.

Right off, let me admit that during these past two weeks there has been some speculation as to how Kirk requested his body to be retired. The consensus was that Kirk wanted to be cremated (and even more specifically, loaded into fireworks). That sounds about right for our boy. However, Tim and Deborah chose to bury him. A family member most graciously donated a plot for Kirk in his family's home town of Louisville and they decided that it was best. In regard to cremation, the only sensible conclusion, in my mind, is that Kirk would obviously want anything that might help his parents during this impossibly difficult time.

Sunday evening Joe, Devon, Pura, Pura's mom Liz, and Andrew came to stay with Kristina and me in the new Roswell condo. We condensed vehicles and left for Louisville the next morning. The drive across two states wasn't too bad. As long as you lock your doors in Tennessee and don't get attacked by mountain people. Seriously, they're weird.

We arrived at the Louisville Downtown Hotel which USED to be a Holiday Inn (they need to update the internet listing). My mom, who had flown up that morning, and Bryan's mother, Rose, who had driven up VERY early that morning, were waiting to greet us in the lobby. I had booked 6 rooms which turned out to be just enough for everyone staying there: Me, Kristina, Andrew, Zach, Joe, Nick, Pura, Liz, Devon, Lori, Amanda, Dan, Leslie and Dan's mom Carol. Beavis and Illy booked their own room in the hotel. So did my mother and Rose. Then Michelle, Zach and Wade had a room at a different hotel. All 21 of us unloaded our luggage in our rooms and got ready for the viewing. For most that meant drinking a beer.

The funeral home was an older building, though very nice inside. Everything in Louisville looks like it's been there for at least a couple decades. It was also right next to a KFC, which for reasons I'm embarrassed to admit, I thought was hilarious. I think Kirk would too.

We walked down the hall past a dozen or so family members to the door. There's a black lettered sign that says "Kirk Duwayne "Duke" Lawrence". You might have missed the little table with the sign-in on account of past it is a GIANT room absolutely filled with friends and family. There must have been 300+ people in the room. Most of them sitting in pews, though the rest were standing anywhere they could fill in any gaps. All of them talking and laughing and crying with one another. We walked in and got in line between the front rows of pews so we could make our way up to the front of the room to see Deb, Tim, Nikki, Tiffany, Roff and of course, Kirk.

The family was in good spirits with the exception of Miss Debby. Though I should mention she was doing so much better than ANYONE expected her to. She cried harder when she saw me. I know she sees her son when she looks at me. Especially if I stand a certain way, or walk a certain way, which she's quick to point out. But we hugged and I told her that once we get home, she'll be a stronger person and NOTHING will ever be as hard as those two days. She agreed and did our little fist pump dance she and I do to center and calm ourselves. I love that woman.

The viewing is open casket (I guess that's why they call it a viewing) which was a little weird. Even for me and I had already seen him the previous Thursday morning. Kirk wore a VERY nice creme colored suit. It was striped but in like the exact same color, just different materials? Like one was more shiny. Anyway, very nice. I thought we might get out of there without someone saying so, but both of Kirk's sisters commented on how "natural" he looked. It was a little weird to understand all the processes Kirk's body had undergone and to see him look the same as he did 5 days prior. I started talking to Kirk, but corrected myself and told him "Why am I talking to your body? I'm not sure what I believe, but I know I don't think you're still in there."

Kirk was SURROUNDED by flowers. Stacked so deep I could hardly read the cards of some of the larger arrangements. Including ours, but I certainly recognized it from the picture. Thanks, Jon!

Also next to Kirk, and the most emotionally crippling metaphor made in the two days, is a life-size cutout of Sylvester Stalone's Rocky. An irregular choice for a funeral to be certain, however, not in Kirk's case. For those that don't remember, Rocky was given an opportunity to face the heavyweight champion of the world, Apollo Creed. Rocky shocked Apollo and the world when he refused to go down even while taking blow after blow through all 15 rounds of the fight and even nearly defeating Apollo. Something no fighter had ever done before against the champion. Apollo won the fight in a split decision by the judges, however Rocky won the respect and admiration of the world, and most importantly himself, by proving his strength against such impossible odds. Explaining the story to people that night got me choked up every time.

I completely lost track of time while we were there. An hour and a half went by like minutes while I made my way through the room meeting and hugging all kinds of Lawrences and Ramseys. I had a smile on my face the whole time. I LOVE other people's family events. Generation stuff is the best. Especially when they'll tell you stories about Kirk and Tiffany that you wouldn't otherwise ever find out about.

The event ended with a prayer given by Deborah's brother, Kirk, for whom our friend was named. I met him 4.5 years ago when the first tumor came. Deb told me then that the reason she named Kirk after her brother was because of all the bad stuff he was into. She thought she might need a second Kirk because the first one wasn't going to be around very long. At the time she also rolled her eyes when she told me he was becoming a preacher. I told her it takes a sinner to know how to preach to one. 4 years later, he was giving very beautiful prayers and sermons to us his nephew's funeral. Cuh-razy.

We got back to the hotel and dispersed to find food/beer. I led a small group back to my room where we had a cooler of ice and a laptop playing Kirk's favorite 99X jams. Every few minutes more people would arrive and within an hour the room was packed with our friends. All eating, drinking and laughing over Kirk stories. I pretty much ignored the first noise complaint we received. By the second one, I moved everyone into an interior room (mine was on the end of our block of rooms). Though we must have been offending someone below us because even at 3am (when I stepped out of the room) I ran into the hotel security officer and received my third complaint. The last four or five people had gone to sleep by then, but I walked down the hall, dragging the cooler behind me, and stayed up until 6 with Roff and Tiffany. Very fun. Very stupid.

The next morning we checked out and got to the church for the funeral services. The church was small and old, but at the same time very nice. They had designed the interior nave (booyah, sunday school vocab) like a small theater. The pews creaked under us while we waited for the service to start.

To our amusement, the service, which was to be 'short and sweet', lasted an hour and a half. I only knew from stories Kirk told me that black baptist church services can go on for three hours. No doubt from the number of speakers involved. There must have been a dozen people that took turns at the pulpit. Uncle Kirk spoke about the number of places Kirk has called home and how he is at home now in God's kingdom. The head Reverend spoke to us about not looking back and having the strength and courage to move forward. It was a pretty nice service complete with all the black baptist choir and preacher grandstanding (I don't know a better word) you would expect. There were plenty of tears, but for the most part everyone managed to hold it together.

We left the church and formed a procession to the cemetery. We tried to condense vehicles as best we could, but there must have been 50 cars. We made our way through the city, onto the highway, back into the city and to the site. They have a sort of raised platform where the casket is placed. That morning it was surrounded by a tent since the temperature had dropped to about 27 degrees and the wind was biting. Though due to the tent only about half of us in attendance could fit inside to hear the last prayer said over Kirk. The family slowly left the tent. Tim's father was absolutely overcome with emotion and was helped out. As was Aunt Kelly and, of course, Deb.

After the family had left, we held things up for just a minute to take a picture of Kirk's friends. Joe has it and I'm sure he'll get it to this email list soon. Or post it on Flickr.

We found our way back to the church (everyone should have a GPS) for lunch being held in the basement. There were three long tables and a table for immediate family at the front of the room. We ate fried chicken, potato salad, mac and cheese and green beans. All quite delicious. Especially to those of us finally realizing how hung over we were from the previous night's drinking. We were also served Tim's sweet tea. I've had this concoction before at the Lawrence's house. Imagine really really sweet tea made not with sugar but with County Time lemonade powder. It is beyond sweet and beyond amazing. I've seen Kirk pour himself always half of whatever is left of it in the fridge. Even when there's barely any, Kirk would always save one last taste in the pitcher.

By the time we finished eating and talking to even MORE of Kirk's family it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and I promised to come by the Lawrence house this week. I told Tim I could bring subs and movies and just keep hanging out there all day like I have for the past five months. We joked, but I wonder if it wouldn't help both of us.

Deb cried some more, but I can tell that she's gonna be okay. She's too strong to let this pain keep her from doing what she needs to do. I told her we're gonna get her a new job working at a hospital. She would be in charge of talking to families of cancer patients and helping them organize their insurance/medications. Give her an opportunity to give to someone else what she's had to learn on her own for 4 years.

Nikki is frantically trying to interview for teaching jobs. She's putting together presentations about her work, raising a son, teaching and still manages to be there every step of the way for her family. She's so much like my sister it's ridiculous. If you see the two of them together, you'll know why.

Tiffany and Roffelle are doing great. They are absolutely adorable and exactly what they need for each other right now. I hope they can stay at Tim and Deb's house for a little while before moving into their apartment. Especially before this baby drops. Which will be SOON.

It's really over and that's crazy. I would like to say that I'm very glad to have met all the people and friends of Kirk that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. I'm sure I'll meet even more at the Kirk-abration 2009.

No concrete plans on that yet, but I'm starting to shop for event spaces. I have decided, however, that we will wait until Tiffany has her baby. She's 'due' March 21st, but those of you with baby experience should know better than me that she's actually 9 months now and could go into labor at any time. So, once she has it and can stock up on some milk in the fridge we'll have the party. That way she can partake in the beverages like she's dying to these days. Plus it's a pretty solid reason not to have this party RIGHT NOW like my gut tells me.

Talk to you kids soon.

-John